Suave's Republique Cricket


I done did the stuff.
March 29, 2010, 8:49 pm
Filed under: Cricket
Hitchhiking to Hampshire
How queer, a lift to Lanchashire..

This is the first draft of my journey.  There are large gaps in the schedul due to 20/20 and Pr0 40, as I wanted to keep this all about first class cricket.  By that, I mean four day championship cricket.

There are some teams I’d love to see more of, including my home county of Essex, but no, I get lumbered having to watch Middlesex 5 times in one season.  The plus side to this, is that I get to see Iain O’Brien spangled on Sodium Diclofenac all over the country!

County Opposition Date Location
Essex Hampshire April 9th Chelmsford
Middlesex Glamorgan April 15th Lords
Surrey Glamorgan May 4th Oval
Kent Warwickshire May 5th Canterbury
Sussex Middlesex May 6th Hove
Hampshire Somerset May 10th The Rose Bowl
Somerset Yorkshire May 17th Taunton
Gloucestershire Middlesex June 28th Bristol
Glamorgan Middlesex August 16th Swalec Stadium
Worcestershire Surrey August 17th New Road
Northants Gloucestershire August 18th Northampton
Leicestershire Surrey August 24th Grace Road
Warwickshire Essex August 25th Edgbaston
Derbyshire Middlesex August 26th Derby
Notts Yorkshire September 7th Trent Bridge
Lancashire Nottinghamshire September 13th Old Trafford
Yorkshire Kent September 14th Headingley
Durham Somerset September 15th Riverside


A Season In The Stands
March 29, 2010, 5:23 pm
Filed under: Cricket

Suave’s journey to the heart of county cricket

I recently went through a rather bad case of bronchitis that kept me awake almost all night, for nigh on two weeks.  I was hacking and coughing my rotten lungs, and felt like shit.  Towards the end of this period, I’d discovered the wonder of Night Nurse, and I suddenly managed to get some much needed sleep.  However, there were side effects to this sleep aid; Lucid, almost hallucinegic dreams, and moments of pure clarity.
It was during one of these moments, that the idea for this book was formed.

At 3.30am one day in February, I awoke and started writing notes into the book by the side of my bed.  I then fell back into deep, spangled sleep.
The next morning, after doing some work, I happened to look in my notebook and see a stream of consciousness put into words, within.
Here is what I’d written…

Idea…visit all 18county grds. do it on the cheap. hitchhike.blag.jumpfences sofasurf.  interview eccentrics and quirks.  write it.  A season in the stands, suave’s journey to the heart of county cricket.
essex,midd,surrey,kent,suss,hants,somerset,gloucs,glam,worcs,northants,warks,leics,derby,notts,lancs,yorks,durham.

So this is it, this is my pilgramage to the county cricket clubs of England & Wales.

I will be updating this site, as soon as I have more details, but I’m going to need your help kids.  I will need entrance to games, I need lifts or train tickets or bicycles or anything you can to help me get to all 18 grounds, and I need you to follow and support me, wherever I go.

I’m doing this off my own back, for literally fuck all, so any help you can give me, would be much appreciated.

Any one who helps will be mentioned in the book.

Check it over at http://aseasoninthestands.wordpress.com

You can contact me at aseasoninthestand@googlemail.com



HA HA HA HA HA!
July 21, 2009, 1:47 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Photography comic genius!

I don’t think anything else needs to be said here, does it?

Ricky Ponting FAIL!



The Ashes 2009, First test, six word review

Here we are again, with Suave’s six word reviews.  Australia to come this afternoon.

Andrew Strauss

Piss poor captaincy, shit with bat.

Alastair Cook

Fucking piss-weak, public school cunt.

Ravi Bopara

Outwitted, then fucked over by Doctrove

Kevin Pietersen

Look at me, stupid ego cunt.

Paul Collingwood

Gritty street fighter, better than spinners

Matt Prior

looks OK, no smashing just yet.

Andrew Flintoff

Bowled into ground, now fucking crocked.

Stuart Broad

Can’t bowl for shit, find length!!!

Greame Swann

Worse than Hauritz.  One funny fucker.

James Anderson

Batting supremo.  Pitch it up, wanker!

Monty Panesar

Too quick, no variation, soon gone.



Cricket & Philosophy.
July 14, 2009, 10:24 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

My philosophy about cricket is to rant and scream and bash any and all fuckers who play badly, whilst representing their countries.

Luckily, not everyone is an angry fuckface, like me.  These fella’s seem cool.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF CRICKET The self-styled ‘sporting outfitters of intellectual distinction’ at Philosophy Football find quotes from philosophers about football and slap them on a T-shirt with name and squad number added.

This summer they have launched a their philosophy cricket range with opening bat CB Fry’s musings on cricket as a philosophy.   As a cricketer CB Fry captained both Sussex and England.  A gifted footballer too, he played professionally for Southampton and Portsmouth, making his England debut in 1901.

For a time he was also holder of the world record for the long jump. A superbly gifted cricket writer and academic off the pitch CB politically managed to combine standing unsuccessfully for Parliament as a Liberal Party candidate with the bizarre idea ideas that if Germany could be persuaded to play England at test cricket WW2 might be avoided.

The T-shirt is available from www.philosophyfootball.com with the search now on for other cricket quotes for T-shirted immortalisation.

He was a clever chap, even smarter than his namesake Stephen!

Go visit them, and make yourself look Suave too.



De Nederlanders slaan de Engelsen
Where's Dirty Dirk?!

De Nederlanders celebrate a famous victory over The England.

What the fuck happened there?!

Destiny, my friends, that’s what.

After mastering total football in the 70′s under Johan Cruyff, de Nederlanders have now decided to do the same in 20/20 cricket.

Watch out boys and girls, they were unstoppable  (except by Ze Germans) at football during that time, and are bound to do the same to all and sundry in this 20/20 World Cup (luckily Ze Germans are not here).  Never before has there been such a sublime display of a cricket, from a side wearing oranje.

Dirty Dirk bowled well, without any real penetration.

It was left to a couple of old blacksmiths to cause the damage.  Darron Reekers who started off in big bludgeoning style, followed up by Tom De Grooth, who smashed The England all over Lords.   Jrod loved it so much he almost threw up!

My man Ryan Ten Doeschate even got in on the act, a cracking allround display, with a red inker and taking the wickets of Ravi Bopara & Luke Wright.

The England have two young stars at the top of their order, and the rest are a bunch of cunts.   Even Rob Key, the fat knacker.

The bowling, beyond the opening pair was shithouse.   Rashid looked good against the West Indies, but was goes for too many runs.  He reminds me of Stuart MacGill, long hops, full tosses and the odd unplayable delivery.  No fucking good at 20/20, I’m afraid (and surely the fact that he doesn’t get in Yorkshire’s side, should have given them some idea, no?).

Stuart Broad couldn’t hit six stumps, the useless Ricky Schroder lookalike fucktrog.

I’m happy to lose to the Dutch though, because it might make this bunch of fuckfaced De Engelsen players actually learn to play proper 20/20 cricket.   Hardly any of them actually play it,  they’re learning the game in T20i’s.

Here’s to getting spanked by Pakistan on Sunday, and being out of the competition within 3 days!  Good times, my friends!



THE ENGLAND SIDE FOR CRICKET WRITER ASHES REVEALED!
ENGLAND SIDE FOR CRICKET WRITER ASHES REVEALED
The Village Cricketer predicts 1-0 ‘Pomme-wash’

The Village Cricketer’s English All Stars v Cricket with Balls Aussie Code of Conduct XI
Monday 29th June 2009, 3.30pm start
Barnes Cricket Club, Lonsdale Road, London SW13 9QL

England, 5th June 2009: The Village Cricketer today announced the line up of English All Stars for the pre-Ashes charity cricket match in aid of the Everyman Male Cancer Campaign, and issued a stark warning to the descendents of convicts and colonists that will be turning out for the Cricket with Balls Aussie Code of Conduct XI, turn up and lose!

On Monday 29th June 2009, the great and good of the English and Australian online cricket worlds will gather at Barnes CC, London, for a charity cricket match held to raise awareness of and funds for the Everyman male cancer campaign, part of the Institute of Cancer Research. The match is played as part of Everyman’s Male Cancer Awareness Month.

The Village Cricketer confidently predicts that his side – The Village Cricketer’s English All Stars – will win the best of one series 1 – 0.

“The English All Stars is a team of hugely talented, exciting and above all modest Englishmen. It is very simple, with this side we cannot lose,” said The Village Cricketer. “The Aussie Code of Conduct XI will be jetlagged or hungover. We are going to deliver a Pomme-wash to the travelling Canary Yellows, delivering a trouncing that will help the England side proper carry momentum into the Ashes.”

The Village Cricketer’s English All-Stars XI:

The Village Cricketer
Ed Craig, The Wisden Cricketer
Suave of Suave’s Republique Cricket
Phil Johnson, Freelance cricket writer
Patrick Kidd, The Times
Nigel Henderson, Legendary cricket writer
Andrew Miller, Cricinfo
Sam Stow, All Out Cricket
Simon Jones (look-a-like)
Steven Croft (play-a-like)
Alan Mullally (leftarm-a-like)

To make a donation in support of this event please visit the Justgiving page.




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