Filed under: Cricket
- How queer, a lift to Lanchashire..
This is the first draft of my journey. There are large gaps in the schedul due to 20/20 and Pr0 40, as I wanted to keep this all about first class cricket. By that, I mean four day championship cricket.
There are some teams I’d love to see more of, including my home county of Essex, but no, I get lumbered having to watch Middlesex 5 times in one season. The plus side to this, is that I get to see Iain O’Brien spangled on Sodium Diclofenac all over the country!
| County | Opposition | Date | Location |
| Essex | Hampshire | April 9th | Chelmsford |
| Middlesex | Glamorgan | April 15th | Lords |
| Surrey | Glamorgan | May 4th | Oval |
| Kent | Warwickshire | May 5th | Canterbury |
| Sussex | Middlesex | May 6th | Hove |
| Hampshire | Somerset | May 10th | The Rose Bowl |
| Somerset | Yorkshire | May 17th | Taunton |
| Gloucestershire | Middlesex | June 28th | Bristol |
| Glamorgan | Middlesex | August 16th | Swalec Stadium |
| Worcestershire | Surrey | August 17th | New Road |
| Northants | Gloucestershire | August 18th | Northampton |
| Leicestershire | Surrey | August 24th | Grace Road |
| Warwickshire | Essex | August 25th | Edgbaston |
| Derbyshire | Middlesex | August 26th | Derby |
| Notts | Yorkshire | September 7th | Trent Bridge |
| Lancashire | Nottinghamshire | September 13th | Old Trafford |
| Yorkshire | Kent | September 14th | Headingley |
| Durham | Somerset | September 15th | Riverside |
Filed under: Cricket
Suave’s journey to the heart of county cricket
I recently went through a rather bad case of bronchitis that kept me awake almost all night, for nigh on two weeks. I was hacking and coughing my rotten lungs, and felt like shit. Towards the end of this period, I’d discovered the wonder of Night Nurse, and I suddenly managed to get some much needed sleep. However, there were side effects to this sleep aid; Lucid, almost hallucinegic dreams, and moments of pure clarity.
It was during one of these moments, that the idea for this book was formed.
At 3.30am one day in February, I awoke and started writing notes into the book by the side of my bed. I then fell back into deep, spangled sleep.
The next morning, after doing some work, I happened to look in my notebook and see a stream of consciousness put into words, within.
Here is what I’d written…
Idea…visit all 18county grds. do it on the cheap. hitchhike.blag.jumpfences sofasurf. interview eccentrics and quirks. write it. A season in the stands, suave’s journey to the heart of county cricket.
essex,midd,surrey,kent,suss,hants,somerset,gloucs,glam,worcs,northants,warks,leics,derby,notts,lancs,yorks,durham.
So this is it, this is my pilgramage to the county cricket clubs of England & Wales.
I will be updating this site, as soon as I have more details, but I’m going to need your help kids. I will need entrance to games, I need lifts or train tickets or bicycles or anything you can to help me get to all 18 grounds, and I need you to follow and support me, wherever I go.
I’m doing this off my own back, for literally fuck all, so any help you can give me, would be much appreciated.
Any one who helps will be mentioned in the book.
Check it over at http://aseasoninthestands.wordpress.com
You can contact me at aseasoninthestand@googlemail.com
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, England, epic fail, Fail, fail pictures, Lords, Ricky Ponting
I don’t think anything else needs to be said here, does it?
Ricky Ponting FAIL!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Flintoff, Andrew Strauss, Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, Cricket, England, Greame Swann, james anderson, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior, Monty Panesar, Nathan Hauritz, paul collingwood, Ravi Bopara, Six Word Reviews, stuart broad
Here we are again, with Suave’s six word reviews. Australia to come this afternoon.
Andrew Strauss
Piss poor captaincy, shit with bat.
Alastair Cook
Fucking piss-weak, public school cunt.
Ravi Bopara
Outwitted, then fucked over by Doctrove
Kevin Pietersen
Look at me, stupid ego cunt.
Paul Collingwood
Gritty street fighter, better than spinners
Matt Prior
looks OK, no smashing just yet.
Andrew Flintoff
Bowled into ground, now fucking crocked.
Stuart Broad
Can’t bowl for shit, find length!!!
Greame Swann
Worse than Hauritz. One funny fucker.
James Anderson
Batting supremo. Pitch it up, wanker!
Monty Panesar
Too quick, no variation, soon gone.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, Cricket, football, Philosophy
My philosophy about cricket is to rant and scream and bash any and all fuckers who play badly, whilst representing their countries.
Luckily, not everyone is an angry fuckface, like me. These fella’s seem cool.
THE PHILOSOPHY OF CRICKET The self-styled ‘sporting outfitters of intellectual distinction’ at Philosophy Football find quotes from philosophers about football and slap them on a T-shirt with name and squad number added.
This summer they have launched a their philosophy cricket range with opening bat CB Fry’s musings on cricket as a philosophy. As a cricketer CB Fry captained both Sussex and England. A gifted footballer too, he played professionally for Southampton and Portsmouth, making his England debut in 1901.
For a time he was also holder of the world record for the long jump. A superbly gifted cricket writer and academic off the pitch CB politically managed to combine standing unsuccessfully for Parliament as a Liberal Party candidate with the bizarre idea ideas that if Germany could be persuaded to play England at test cricket WW2 might be avoided.
The T-shirt is available from www.philosophyfootball.com with the search now on for other cricket quotes for T-shirted immortalisation.
Go visit them, and make yourself look Suave too.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Adil Rashid, Cricket With Balls, Darron Reekers, De Nederlanders, De Nederlands, Dirk Nannes, Dirty Dirk, England, fucktrog, Holland, Johann Cruyff, Jrod, Last of The Summer Whine, Len The Yorkshire Kitman, Luke Wright, Pakistan, Q, Ravi Bopara, ricky schroder, Rob Key, Ryan Ten Doeschate, stuart broad, Stuart MacGill, T20i, The England, The Netherlands, Tom De Grooth, Well Pitched, west indies
De Nederlanders celebrate a famous victory over The England.
What the fuck happened there?!
Destiny, my friends, that’s what.
After mastering total football in the 70’s under Johan Cruyff, de Nederlanders have now decided to do the same in 20/20 cricket.
Watch out boys and girls, they were unstoppable (except by Ze Germans) at football during that time, and are bound to do the same to all and sundry in this 20/20 World Cup (luckily Ze Germans are not here). Never before has there been such a sublime display of a cricket, from a side wearing oranje.
Dirty Dirk bowled well, without any real penetration.
It was left to a couple of old blacksmiths to cause the damage. Darron Reekers who started off in big bludgeoning style, followed up by Tom De Grooth, who smashed The England all over Lords. Jrod loved it so much he almost threw up!
My man Ryan Ten Doeschate even got in on the act, a cracking allround display, with a red inker and taking the wickets of Ravi Bopara & Luke Wright.
The England have two young stars at the top of their order, and the rest are a bunch of cunts. Even Rob Key, the fat knacker.
The bowling, beyond the opening pair was shithouse. Rashid looked good against the West Indies, but was goes for too many runs. He reminds me of Stuart MacGill, long hops, full tosses and the odd unplayable delivery. No fucking good at 20/20, I’m afraid (and surely the fact that he doesn’t get in Yorkshire’s side, should have given them some idea, no?).
Stuart Broad couldn’t hit six stumps, the useless Ricky Schroder lookalike fucktrog.
I’m happy to lose to the Dutch though, because it might make this bunch of fuckfaced De Engelsen players actually learn to play proper 20/20 cricket. Hardly any of them actually play it, they’re learning the game in T20i’s.
Here’s to getting spanked by Pakistan on Sunday, and being out of the competition within 3 days! Good times, my friends!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, apple fail, Cricket, Die Nederlands, Fail, Holland, Mickey Arthur, Netherlands, nom nom nom, Ryan Ten Doeschate, Zuid-afrika
Nom nom nom
Ryan Ten-Doeschate, Suave’s favourite Essex based dutchman, has obviously spent some time in Zuid-Afrika, learning from the master coach that is Mickey Arthur. The best way to become world beaters in cricket is to eat cricket balls, apparently.
Nom nom nom
Be sure to get yourself over to King Cricket at 12pm BST today, for the greatest post the world has ever seen! I can hardly wait.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Andrew Symonds, australia
According to cackinfo, Andrew Symonds has been sent home again, for more alcohol fuelled shenanigans.
Now this shouldn’t come as a surprise to many, because he is a Brummy, and they’re all piss soaked tramps. That and the fact that he was brought up in ‘Straya, the home of fucking god awful weak lager.
Whenever he comes here, he drinks the same amount, and forgets that our beer is about fourteen times stronger. They don’t call it tanglefoot for now’t, you know.
This has got to be the last time he ever gets to pull on an Aussie jersey, hasn’t it? This must be number 6002 in his sozzled history, and surely that’s enough for any one predator.
Will this weaken the ‘Strayan 20/20 side? I’d say yes, he averages 48 with the bat and 34 with the ball in T20i’s, them’s shit hot numbers.
What I’m trying to say is…
HA FUCKING HA!
Australia are now officially shit again, and we can all laugh out loud at them.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Alastair Cook, England, Essex, Essex CCC, Essex Eagles, IPL, IPL Champions League, Kent, Kent Spitfires, The England
Cooky smashing a six, yes A SIX, on his way to 77 from 55.
What the fuck is going on here?!
Alastair Cook took his recent smackdown show to Kent again. Last week he scored 80 from 56 balls against the spitfires, this week 77 off 55. So far in the 20/20 cup he’s scored 197 runs at an average of 49.25 and a strike rate of 139. Wow. Thems good figures eh…
I like this a lot. I always want to see an Essex boy do well, but he’s consistently annoyed the shit out of me, by being the most tedious fucktard the world has ever seen.
He rarely hits the ball in the air, scores his runs in test cricket at a snails pace, and is generally a grinder.
I think a season playing List A cricket, and 20/20 will improve the boy no end. He’s made it clear that he wants to be considered for The England in all types of cricket, which is an admirable statement, and one that he appears to be backing up.
I’m looking forward to the day, that I look at a The England pyjamas match, and don’t want to cut my face in to slithers because eyeliner is opening the batting. Let’s hope it’s not too far round the corner.
Suave's Republique Cricket 