Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, Daniel Vettori, England, Grant Elliot, Jeetan Patel, Kevin Pietersen, King Cricket, New Zealand, paul collingwood, stuart broad, Tim Southee
Kevin Pietersen got the runs that were obviously saved in his run bank, and by doing so, saved The England’s blushes.
After last nights super angry RANT, I’ve calmed down a touch, and will provide a proper analysis of the days play.
Michael Vaughan is still stupid.
Strauss is going to be whipped within an inch of his life, if I get hold of the posh twat.
Cook needs to be sent back to county cricket to work out where his off-stump is. Stupid naked cricketer.
Collingwood needs to push on, and make a good score soon. Ambrose is forgiven as he’s new and he’ll need a little run in the side to get used to international cricket.
Stuart Broad was superb in making 42no, and supported KP ably with a 61 run partnership.
From a NZ point of view, Young buck Tim Southee bowled superbly to take 3/43.
Martin and Elliott were excellent in support, both taking a wicket.
Jeetan Patel took 2 and supported his skipper nicely.
Vettori looked a bit flat to be honest, but his captaincy was good.
It’s going to be an interesting day tomorrow. Stuart broad needs to push on and get us over the 300 run mark. If he can, it’ll give us a small chance.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Strauss, chris martin, Cricket, England, Ian Bell, Kevin Pietersen, micheal vaughan, New Zealand, Tim Southee
It’s just after 10pm here in The England, and the missus is out watching the NY ballet.
I’ve just had myself a nice grease soaked pizza, and I’m having a few ales watching the cricket.
The stupid fuckarses that make up The Englands top order, have capitulated royally and The England were 4-3 after 7 overs.
Vaughan played down the wrong line AGAIN!!! What the fuck is his problem, that’s the third time in three tests he’s done that. Fucking thunderbird twat.
In comes Wing Commander. This fucker needs his wings clipped. Shithead. Strauss played at one that was a foot outside off-stump, his weight was back rather than forward, and he was out caught in the gulley for 0.
FEC Cook, got himself out to a loose drive off the bowling of Coldplay front man Chris Martin. Inside edge, gate wide enough to drive cattle through, and he’s back in the pavillion.
KP & Ian Bell at the crease, and we’re in real trouble.
Angry is an understatement for what I’m feeling now. I want to smash houses and burn villages.
10 overs, 9 runs, 3 wickets on what everyone is saying, is an absolute belter.
Twats. The lot of them.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, Cricket With Balls, Daniel Vettori, England, Grant Elliot, Jacob Oram, james anderson, Jeetan Patel, Kevin Pietersen, Kyle Mills, Mark Gillespie, Michael Clarke, Mike Hussey, New Zealand, paul collingwood, Ricky Ponting, Shane Bond, stuart broad, Tim Southee
Oh dear! At the risk of getting some serious abuse in five days time, The England will win this test match, and the series.
New Zealand have lost their two best bowlers from this series, in Jacob Oram and Kyle Mills.
They’ve replaced them with Grant Elliot a dirty saffer, all-rounder. His first class form looks OK, with an average of 28 with the bat, and 34 with the ball. I don’t think he’s going to trouble The England too much, but I’ve never seen the man play.
Mills is replaced by young buck Tim Southee, for a proper piece of journalism about this fella pop over to Cricket With Balls. When I say proper journalism, I mean Ice cream of consciousness blogging. But what blogging!!
He looks as though he could be someone to look out for, after being voted player of the tournament at the recent u19 world cup, but he’s no Shane Bond.
Jeetan Patel comes in for Angry Man Gillespie, which should bog The England’s middle order down no end. We really need to start scoring at a better rate against him and Vettori. It’s said that The England struggle playing spin, but the county championship is full of left arm orthodox and off spinners. It’s a matter of rotating the strike. If you watch Clarke, Hussey and Ponting playing spin, they take lots of singles, and then smash the bad balls.
As for The England, it looks as though the team will remain unchanged, although their are small doubts about Collingwood and Anderson. Andersons ankle knack is still a bit sore, but he should be fit. Collingwood has bruised his calf muscle, but again, he should be fit to play.
Players to watch..
Kevin Pietersen. KP since being married has turned into a full blown The Englishman, which means he has no luck, gets out in the 20’s and 30’s a lot, and never goes on to score big. He’s going to pummel an attack soon, and this attack really should be it.
Stuart Broad. Young stud had a great 2nd innings in Wellington, showing proper aggressive fast bowling. This is going to be a very different surface, but if you want to be one of the best bowlers in world cricket, you need to learn to take wickets on all kinds of pitches.
Tim Southee. He’s got a chance to get himself on to the team bus to The England, if he performs in this test. If he gets smashed, it could see him quickly back to first class cricket with no more cricket for a few months. We’re going to see the character of this young buck on show tonight.
Daniel Vettori. If it’s as slow as it was in Hamilton, Vettori’s going to be a proper handful. His batting has been superb recently, but his bowling figures are a fair bit below fellow left arm orthodox spinner Monty Panesar so far.
My prediction is for The England to win this test comfortably.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Allan Donald, Cricket, Cricket With Balls, Darrell Hair, Darren Gough, Devon Malcolm, England, King Cricket, Mark Gillespie, miss-field, New Zealand, paul collingwood, Phil Dafreitas, Pura Cup, South Africa, Tim Southee
I was going to write about Darrell Hair, but he’s a cock and I can’t be bothered.
Part of me wishes I could be bothered to write about him for the puns. Alas, today, I’m in more of a buns than a puns mood.
So for those who are in a buns mood too…
In other cricket news. Paul Collingwood expects The England top six to kick on and get some big scores soon.
He also stated that it’s difficult to score centuries when batting at six. Presumably, this is because it’s difficult to bat with the tail, and unless you get a decent knock with someone either above you in the order or the wicket keeper, you’re fucked.
Now I know why I’ve only ever scored one century in my cricketing career, they keep putting me in at six. The swines!
It’s absolutely, positively, nothing to do with me being a shit arse slogger, who goes for 0 or 40. Honest.
Tim Southee, the young buck kiwi quick has been added to the NZ squad for the final test, and may well get the nod in place of angry man Mark Gillespie. I’m assuming this is because Gillespie has two stock deliveries, half tracker and the half volley. Any one who gets all of their wickets by bouncing tail-enders, needs a reminding of this on many occasions by those same fellas in his innings. Just ask the South Africans who bounced Devon Malcolm, on the 3rd day of a test, he was peppered by Donald (who’d been smashed around by Gough and Daffy) and De Villiers, and came out fucking angry. They were all out about 45 minutes after tea for 175 in 50.3 overs, with Malcolm taking 9-57. This is what fast bowlers need to do, controlled agression.
Sadly for my friend Jrod at Cricket With Balls , the Victorian Bushrangers got their arses handed to them on a plate, by NSW who are basically the Australian A side, with Bracken, Lee, Clark, Clarke and Jacques, Macgill and Brad Haddin too. This makes NSW Pura Cup champions for the fourth time in six years.
Good day to you.