Suave's Republique Cricket

Miss-Field Wins!
December 17, 2008, 2:47 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , ,

After seeing the results of the latest ICC rankings yesterday, I have had to formally concede my bet with Miss-Field.

There is no chance of The England reaching no 2 in the ICC Test world rankings by the end of December, so I have lost.

I now have to humiliate myself in public at a test match next year, wearing a bright pink tee-shirt with I Love Greame Smith emblazoned across my chest.

Hopefully I can make up for this, by winning the new sponsorship deal.

So Missy, get your gloating in whilst you can!

I’ll let you all decide how I can prove this happens, so get your caps on and get the creative juices flowing!

The England win first away series since 2005!

Wowow wewoow, The England have done it away from home, finally.

This is good, because it means I’m one step further away from a pink sparkly t-shirt, stating my true intentions for the bearlike south african opener.

A few more series wins like this, and it’ll be Miss-Field who starts to sweat!  That I heart The Barmy Army shirt, is gonna look lovely!

A deserved win, after some outstanding test match cricket.   I’ve always thought that to win a test match, you need at least four players to come to the party, and perform to their best.The England had Kevin Pietersen in the first innings, rescuing us from nowhere.

The Lion Of Huddersfield followed that up with his 7/47 to give The England a first innings lead.

Wing Commander Strauss then turned in his career highest score, with 177.

Stuart Broad had a wonderful all-rounders performance with 73 runs at an average of 73, and 5-132 match bowling figures.

Monty Panesar finsished with 6-126, career best figures, which would have looked a helluva lot better, had Tim Southee not brought out THE RAGE

The buck toothed young buck had a blinder last night,  scoring the fastest test match 50 in New Zealands history, after borrowing Stephen Flemings bat.

Ross Taylor ended the series as the highest run scorer, with 310 runs at an average of 51.66.  He could have a great future in international cricket this lad, very easy on the eye, and has a sound technique.

Fleming looked beautifully composed again in his final test series, never being out before 31 or after 66.  Consistent to the end.

Now for the return leg.

I imagine that we’ll see a pretty different side from NZ.  Jamie How will probably keep his place, but the walking wickets of Bell & Sinclair should be put out to pasture, and Grant Elliot looks as though he’d struggle against North Middlesex’ fourth team.

What’s new pussycat?

I was going to write about Darrell Hair, but he’s a cock and I can’t be bothered.

Miss-Field and King Cricket have already written lovely pieces about this.

Part of me wishes I could be bothered to write about him for the puns.  Alas, today, I’m in more of a buns than a puns mood.

So for those who are in a buns mood too…

I love buns.

In other cricket news.  Paul Collingwood expects The England top six to kick on and get some big scores soon.

He also stated that it’s difficult to score centuries when batting at six.  Presumably, this is because it’s difficult to bat with the tail, and unless you get a decent knock with someone either above you in the order or the wicket keeper, you’re fucked.

Now I know why I’ve only ever scored one century in my cricketing career, they keep putting me in at six.  The swines!

It’s absolutely, positively, nothing to do with me being a shit arse slogger, who goes for 0 or 40.  Honest.

Tim Southee, the young buck kiwi quick has been added to the NZ squad for the final test, and may well get the nod in place of angry man Mark Gillespie.  I’m assuming this is because Gillespie has two stock deliveries, half tracker and the half volley.    Any one who gets all of their wickets by bouncing tail-enders, needs a reminding of this on many occasions by those same fellas in his innings.  Just ask the South Africans who bounced Devon Malcolm, on the 3rd day of a test, he was peppered by Donald (who’d been smashed around by Gough and Daffy) and De Villiers, and came out fucking angry.  They were all out about 45 minutes after tea for 175 in 50.3 overs, with Malcolm taking 9-57.   This is what fast bowlers need to do, controlled agression.

Sadly for my friend Jrod at Cricket With Balls , the Victorian Bushrangers got their arses handed to them on a plate, by NSW who are basically the Australian A side, with Bracken, Lee, Clark, Clarke and Jacques, Macgill and Brad Haddin too.  This makes NSW Pura Cup champions for the fourth time in six years.

Good day to you.

Miss-Field and the Kolkata Knight Riders
March 18, 2008, 2:16 pm
Filed under: Misdirection | Tags: , ,

Miss-Field has written a nice post on the name of Shah Rukh Khan’s cricket team,

You can find it here…

Jrod asked where the hoff jokes were, well he’s back in 2003 playing a match winning innings for the ‘strayans..

The hoff, in “I’m great at cricket” shocker

The England to return to #2
February 18, 2008, 11:35 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

A reminder, so we can get the bet back to the forefront, ideas are still being sought.

Some good ones have come through, but myself and Miss-Field are open to suggestions

At this point we think the loser will have to go to a match with a t-shirt proclaiming their love for their least favourite player.

And as everyone knows, my least favourite cricketer/commentator, is Mark Nicholas.

So, The England have to be at #2 in the ICC Test world rankings, by the end of 2008.

If you have any other ideas, please feel free to pass them on.

The Mighty “The England”, to return to their rightful place.
February 11, 2008, 9:25 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve recently accepted a bet with the super feline blogger,  Miss-field.

The bet is that The England, will return to no 2 in the ICC Test World Rankings, by the end of 2008.

I think this should be possible, as we’ve to play New Zealand & South Africa home and away, and another away series to India.

There is the distinct possibility that I’m going to get egg on my face, but I’ve got far too big an ego, to admit that I’m wrong.

We’ve both decided to ask you, the cricket reading/blogging public, to suggest a suitable forfeit for the loser of this bet.

Unfortunately, I’ve not been able to find a way to create a poll, a la Cricket with balls.

So we’ll have to make do with comments for now.

What say you, gentlefolk?

The England are suave.

Back again… Had to disappear for a couple of days (how dare my employers force me to work for my extortionate salary!)

Things I’ve learnt about The England cricketers this morning..

I’m a soft lad, me..

Jimmy Anderson wears paper thongs (not flip flops, you antipodeans), and has spray tans. He is also considered the best dressed player by his team mates. He also has a beautiful wife….

Suave may give me a good shooing, but she’s going to nurse me better!

Stuart Broad makes female journalists swoon. Ricky Schroder seems to have given up his child acting career to become a cricketer. How queer.

I am a child star.  I have avoided prostitution and drug addiction.  I am now an international bowling sensation.

Paul Collingwood loves Hugo Boss, and won’t be seen in the streets wearing make-up.

I love dressing up me.

Anderson, Broad & Cook all posed naked for an issue of Cosmopolitan.

Unfortunately Miss-Field, no horny for Vaughany in this issue.. So I’ve included a little piccy for your pleasure.


This is not the behaviour of a team ready to fight!

Luckily, we’re only playing New Zealand. Who are marginally better than Bangladesh, and a tad better than the West Indies (although I reckon it’s close).

I predict a white-wash for The England .

Ian Bell as highest run scorer.

Matthew Hoggard, with most wickets.

Everyone looking and dressing well.

Unfortunately, I try this sort of thing. Every now and than I try to dress well for cricket. Even going as far as looking like Douglas Jardine.

Suave.  Mean.  Why are these fellas bowling beamers at me?

I wore the white tie, open neck shirt combination.  I had a shocker that day.  I refused to get my whites dirty, so never dived to stop anything.  My lazy off spin, didn’t, and was lazier than usual.  The opposition bowlers didn’t take to kindly to me suaving it up, so they bowled three beamers at me, and every other ball was short.

I scored 2, I bowled three overs for 45.

England beware.