Suave's Republique Cricket

This young buck looks a bit tasty!
April 11, 2008, 11:24 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , ,

Is he a lusty leggy, yes.  and a fornicating flipper, he also bowls off-spin.

New Sri Lankan wunderkind Ajantha Mendis, looks like he could be the next in line, to the Spin King throne.

He bowls leggys, offies, googlies, flippers and top spinners, all from a slightly different hand position, whihc is exceedinly difficult to pick up

In his last first class season, for the Sri Lankan army, he took 46 wickets at an average of 10.56 and a strike rate of 31.  That’s phenonenal. Especially as they’re brought up playing spin.

Yesterday, against the Windies, he took 3-39 in his first ODI..

The ball that bewitched and lbw-ed Chris Gayle was a great way to introduce yourself to world cricket.

Then one that drifted in and straightened to take off stump was far too good for poor old Darren Sammy.

Watch this space!

Oh joy..

After a weekend of “icy death from the sky”, today has started beautifully..

The Gris woke up happy as happy thing, the sun is shining, the grass is all freshly cut outside the office, and the Tower of London looks beautiful in the radiant sunshine..

As you may be able to ascertain from the above, Suave is happy this morning (nothing to do with his new suave accessories, no siree).

On to the cricket..

Pakistan begin a one-day series against the Mighty Bangladesh, look out for a six word review, coming soon…

Hopefully after all the sheninagans (my favourite word ever, and that’s a fact!) involving Akhtar, we can see the Pakistani’s play the sort of cricket we know they can produce.

By that I mean, one day brilliant, the next, positively shite.

In other news,  Giles Clarke, the ECB chairman, once again made it clear he doesn’t see a place for England players in the IPL.  It was the thinliest (that’s not a word is it?) veiled threat I’ve heard since, that bouncer last week, threatened to rip my mates face off.

So DangerAnus is the only The England player who will compete in the IPL.  This has pissed off KP, as he’s not getting in on the spondooleys, and that makes the mercenary very unhappy.

Over at The Reverse Swing Manifesto, it’s also hinted that KP is getting abused by Chris Gayle, cos he’s missing out.  Good, stupid Saffer.  The man is earning about a million pound a year, so even after Gayle’s IPL payout, he’s still pissing all over him, the greedy bastard.

Check back later, for the weekly six word quiz..  Last weeks winner was David Barry, who received a wonderful prize

As they say down in loony tunes town, that’s all folks..

Six word reviews. West Indies vs Sri Lanka.

So, today we move on to the other sides playing test match cricket.  It’s the windies and the Sirils..

Still have Pakistan and Bangladesh to come.

West Indies

Chris Gayle: Scared of Vaas, losing coolness daily

Devon Smith: Cricinfo says belligerent, never seen belligering.

Ramnaresh Sarwan: Upset McGrath, nearly caused a war.

Marlon Samuels: Chucker, friend of bookies, dodgy fucker

Shivnarine Chanderpaul: Lord Megachief Of Gold. Enough Said.

Dwayne Bravo: Should be great, chooses lazy shite.

Dinesh Ramdin: Does his mummy know he’s here?

Ryan Hinds:  Desmond Haynes loves him, he’s shit.

Sulieman Benn: Stupid name, doesn’t take wickets. Shit.

Jerome Taylor: Bowls really quick, never really threatening

Daren Powell: averages 46, that’s mohammed sami shit.

Sri Lanka

Michael Vandort: A bambi Boycott, accumulates very slowly

Malinda Warnapura: New boy, likes windies and bangladesh.

Kumar Sangakkara: Suave, erudite, batting behemoth. Loves runs.

Mahela Jayawardene: Is a Proboth. (this is not part of the six words, but look at his profile on Cricinfo).  Destroys bowlers sadistically

Thilan Samaraweera: Who he? averages 40, no-one cares.

Tillakaratne Dilshan: Brilliant fielder, big ears, was muslim.

Prasanna Jayawardene: (Wk) Kumar can’t be bothered.  I can!

Chaminda Vaas: Wiley old dog, likes Chris Gayle

Thilan Thushara: Literally know nothing about this fella.

Rangana Herath: first class figures great, test, shit.

Muttiah Muralitharan: Highest wicket taker of all time.

Read all about it, News Of The World, News Of The World!

The test series in India is underway, and South Africa have been b0wled out for 540.  What a surprise, another sub-continental flat track, with nothing at all in it for the bowlers.  No seam, swing, spin or bounce.   Wank I tell ya.  Who would want to be a bowler on the subcontinent.

The nail in Dean Jones’ coffin (hooray!) scored an impressive 159.  He would have gone on to much more, if he hadn’t been sold down the river by Mark Boucher.  He never looked like getting out.

Darryl Cullinan had this to say about the young buck:  “I said before this Test started that he would be the pick of the batsmen on both sides and I am anticipating a very good tour for Amla”

High praise indeed, although Jrod at Cricket With Balls is still less than impressed..

India in reply, are currently 35-0 from 6 overs.  They are currently smashing Ntini and Steyn to all parts.   You’d have to feel sorry for Paul Harris, he’s going to have to do an awful lot of work today.

Sri Lanka have won their first ever test in the West Indies.  The West Indies nearly managed to save the game, but unfortuantely for Chris Gayle, he ran out of partners.

Jrod thinks that Chris Gayle is cooler than most, but I’m starting to change my mind about him.

He’s losing his bottle at the top of the order, and twice in the last few test matches has demoted himself down the order.  Yesterday he did it, because he didn’t want to face Chaminda Vaas with the new ball.

“It’s no secret. Yes, he has got me out the majority of times in Test cricket whenever I play against Sri Lanka. It’s something you have to face and something you have to deal with. I tried something different, tried something new, coming a bit later when the ball is a bit older, and it worked. But I don’t know if I’m going to do it in the next game.”

He averages 16.3 against the Sirils, and 1.42 against Vaasy.  That my friend is a bunny!

In other news, NZ’s administracats have allowed five of their squad, due to travel to The England, to miss the first two weeks of their warm-up tour, to play in the IPL.

Brilliant, because there’s nothing like getting used to swinging, damp conditions in The England in May, where the ball will be hooping round corners, by playing 20/20 cricket on fucking flat roads in India!!!

Stupid fuckers.

Stanford 20/20 and my new favourite friend
February 26, 2008, 11:34 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , ,

I saw a fair bit of cricket this weekend, and I’m trying to catch up on it, as it enters my tiny little mind.

After all the hoohaa of the IPL last week, it was back to the big moneyed Texan, with the strange love for a game, that 99.99999 of his fellow compatriats have no idea exists.

The Stanford 20/20 finals took place at the weekend.

The final was between Trinidad & Tobago and Jamaica.

T&T, captained by the classy looking (although rarely productive), Darren Ganga. Jamaica were captained by the big fella, Chris Gayle.

One had a team of almighty sloggers, and 90mph bowlers.  One had a team of nudgers and nurdlers, and wiley spin bowlers.

Trinidad & Tobago won the toss and put Jamaica in to bat.

Strangely, Chris Gayle, the only player in history to score a T20 100, decided to keep himself in the pavillion.  From all accounts, since his injury in Saffer land, he’s been dog shit.

T&T opened with a pace bowler and a leggie.

It started off poorly for Jamaica, with Emrit taking a wicket with his second ball, Findlay going for a wild slog, and nicking behind, for an easy take for Ramdin.

Ganga went for a Martin Crowe, and Badree bowled the first four overs.  The leggie, who was reminiscent of Kumble (in style) bowled brilliantly, taking 1-12 off four overs.

Samuels looked shit and still managed to score 27.

But my new favourite fella is Dave Mohammed.

Look at me mummy, I did a poopie!

A left arm chinaman, who like The Atheist, is one cool motherfucker!

He took 4-20, and was top wicket taker for the tournament, taking 12 scalps in all.

His celebrations however, are what makes him my new favourite fella.

The first wicket, of Chris Gayle, got the spinner wiggling his hips, like a rude boy.

Then the took the wicket of Hyatt, who was done in the flight, and stranded about half way down the wicket..

Mohammed, took off his shoe, and pretended to make a phone call with it..
He later said that, this was him telling Hyatt to pick the phone up in the pavillion, as he wasn’t taking any further part.

He did a diving roll, with praise for his imaginary friend at the end.

He won a share of a million dollars, and also man of the match. Not a bad days work that.

Jamaica were bundled out for 91.

T&T bashed that off in 9 overs, for the loss of one wicket, and became a million dollars richer.

This was a good day to be a T&T fan!

West Indies In “We are Shit” Shocker

Shitting hell, we are absolute shite!

Oh dear…

At least there is some semblance of normality returning to the world of cricket.  The West Indies were bowled out for 139, with Pollock taking a 4-fer on return.  That’s utter shite.  No Chris Gayle, no Sarwan and Lord Megachief of Gold having a rare off day, puts the windies on the back foot and they are all out before tea.  Geoffrey Boycotts mother would have lasted til tea!

Their current problem is that 90% of the team is shit.

Darren Ganga.  Looks great technically, but is utter shit.

Brenton Parchment. averages 28 in first class cricket (really shit), which unbelievably, is good enough to get you into the West Indian team. 

Runako Morton.  Shit, and stupid, so double shit.

Dwayne Bravo.  Can’t be bothered, therefore shit.

Marlon Samuels.  As above, but shitter.

Shivnarine Chanderpaul.  Is Lord Megachief of Gold, therefore not shit (except playing with the tail)

Denesh Ramdin, decent enough keeper, but is shit with a bat in his hand.  And he looks 12.  also a bit like shiv’s little brother.  And is shit.

Darren Sammy.  Actually looks like a very decent all-rounder.  Good bowling as shown in his 7/66 against England last year, and handy with the bat too.  Not shit really.

Jerome Taylor.  Very good ODI player averages 25 in that format, nearly 40 in test cricket though.  Pyjamas good, whites shit.

Daren Powell.  This fella confuses me, sometimes he looks OK, most of the time he’s shit.  Averages over 44 with the ball, is therefore in the same category as Mohammed Sami, which is really fucking shit.

Fidel Edwards.  Is also shit.  In the same club as Sami & Powell, as his average is above 40.  Good ODI player though.

As you can probably tell, shit is my favourite word of the day.  I feel it, the weather is it, so are our Carribbean chums.