Suave's Republique Cricket


Drainage Fail

Bloody Northerners, can't get 'owt right!

Play is abandoned for the day after heavy rain this morning..

That my friends is fucking wank.

Yorkshire CCCCCCC have spent £600,000 on a drainage system, that after 3hrs of sunshine didn’t work well enough to allow any play today.

I’ll tell you why this is shit.

Lords, 2007, The England v India.

I went to this match, I can’t recall which day mind, but I remember everything else vividly.

I alighted the tube at Regents Park and started walking across the park in the direction of the home of cricket.

Halfway across the park, it started raining.  Luckily I had waterproofs and an umbrella with me.  I quickly ducked under a tree for cover, and put my waterproofs on (these are mountainy-goretexy, top of the rangy shizzle), and carried on.  By the time I’d got to the other side of Regents Park, my golfing umbrella had snapped through the sheer volume of rain that fell.   No wind, just pure volume of water broke the spokes, and the umbrella was fucked.

I pulled my hat out of my bag, pulled the hood of my waterproofs off, and continued towards Lords.

It’s no more than a 1mile walk from Regents Park to Lords, and in that time, the rain was so torrential, that there were three foot deep puddles on St John’s Wood Road.  Cars were struggling to get through, because of the depth of the puddles.  The drainage system was overflowing, to such an extent that people were starting to fear for their houses.

It was fucking terrible, monsoon like.   As I got to the gates, I was completely and utterly soaked.  Not 1cm of my body was not completely drenched.  And I was properly attired.

I went to the pub to wait for the rain to stop, as there was no chance of getting a taxi, and the pub was dry.  It rained for just over an hour, and everyone in the pub agreed, that there would be no chance of play…

I ventured into the rain, and managed to get a cab driver to take me home, so I could change.

That whole process took no more than an hour and a half.   By this time the sun was out, but I didn’t hold much hope for any play, so switched on the box to get the latest updates.

What happened next left me completely fucking flabbergasted.   Just after lunch, play had started, and I’d only been gone an 1.5hrs….

The drainage was so good, that with just over 2hrs of sunshine, play was able to commence.

Fuck you Yorkshire CCC, and the horse you rode in on.  That’s how drainage should work, not your £600,000 fuck up.

The moral of the story?  Never trust northerners, the workshy bastards!!



How to bring down Sehwagology, Part I
Danny V was fast as lightning!

Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting...

How do you get rid of Lord Sehwag, when he’s in great nick?

Ask Daniel Vettori, The Geek of Tweak!   According to this photo, it’s Kung Fu.

If you wanna bring down the big man, get the auld Bruce Lee skills out.

Danny V obviously has the skillz to pay the billz, and got Our Lord with some martial art madness!

So bowlers of the world, get down to your local Dojo’s and get training.  It’s the only way!



Happy ‘Straya Day!
January 26, 2009, 10:06 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , , ,
You're shit and you know you are etc...

You're shit and you know you are etc...

This hasn’t been the best start to a summer for ‘Straya, has it boys and girls?

Beaten in India, beaten in the test series by South Africa, and now beaten in a home ODI series by the Saffers again (they haven’t won the major home ODI series for three years now!) .

This my friends is fucking fantastic.  The rest of the world are pointing at you, and laughing like Nelson.

This is how us mere mortals feel most of the time.

So where did it all go wrong?

To be honest every where.  The commentators on Channel 9, were discussing the Allan Border Medal, which is coming up soon, and were trying to think who could win the medal.

Michael Clarke and Mitchell Johnson were the only two names they could come up.  How often does that happen, when the most biased commentary team in world cricket, struggles to think of more than two players to win the awards.

They’ve got no spinner.  They’ve only got one quality quick, with a couple of emerging ones.  The top order has been terrible in both forms of the game.

If I was a selector, I’d have Ricky Ponting back to the ranks and pick someone who can actually captain a side, without having to have a management conference every three balls.

Not sure where I’m going with this, but it’s Monday morning and I’ve been up since 4.30am.

WE LAUGH AT LOUD YOU!



Motivational Posters
January 6, 2009, 9:25 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , ,
Spread the word Children, and you shall live forever!

Spread the word Children, and you shall live forever!

To create your own posters, to spread the love, visit here..



Happy New Year!
January 6, 2009, 9:20 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

Hello small children of loveliness, Suave here..

I saw something today that reminded me of our beloved leader Viru..

I have decided to post it, for your pleasure too!

This is how to live forever, fuck all that "love thy neighbour bollocks!"

This is how to live forever, fuck all that "love thy neighbour bollocks!"

This is how we need to roll!  I already roll this way, which is why Suave will never die.  Join us, and you too, shall be immortal!

Sloshpot, top work kids!



Big Shiny Balls!
December 29, 2008, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , ,

Thanks for all your kind words, you lovely little lumps of lusciousness.  Suave is feeling a bit sick now, so will hopefully be back on form tomorrow. Here’s a little something to whet your appetites.

After seeing this over at cackinfo it inspired more love for the one true god!

Hit out or get out!

Hit out or get out!



Left Arm Spinners
December 19, 2008, 11:34 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , ,

Paul Harris is currently better than Monty Panesar..

Discuss..