Suave's Republique Cricket


Best ODI All-rounder? Really?!
Fuck off, he's not that good.

Fuck off, he's not that good.

Shakib Al Hasan is now top of the ICC’s ODI All-rounders list, ahead of Jacques Kallis, Andrew Flintoff and Jacob Oram.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the boy’s got talent, but top?  fuck right off.

If you had to pick a guy to rescue an innings against top quality opposition, who would you pick?

If you had to choose a bowler to go for next to no runs on all wickets?

Someone to scare the bejeesus out of middle order batsman?

It ain’t fucking Shakib, I can tell you that much.

Come on now, we all know the ICC rankings are shit, but this takes the piss.



Dilshan Smashes Kittens.
January 6, 2009, 11:29 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , ,

The evil bastard!

He scored 162 at nigh on a run a ball in the 1st innings, then set up a huge fourth innings total for the ‘deshis to chase, with 143*, averaging 305 for the match.   Nice..

That wasn’t enough for they psycho killer (Qu’est-ce que c’est ?), na na na na na na na… No, he then had to take 4/10 off his rotten off-spinners.

What an evil shit bag.

He averages a mere 70, with 4 of his 7 centuries coming against the mighty Rhodesia and East Pakistan.

Dilshan really needs to start picking on people his own size (metaphorically anyway, he’s a skinny little lad, who’d get a good hiding in real life)!

What we’re basically saying, is we like Dilshan, we loved him when he took 3 run out chances in an ODI innings against Australia a few years back, but we’d like to see you do it against Australia, South Africa, Pakistan and a bit more against The England..



Six word review: Pakistan and Bangladesh

So children, it’s time for the last edition of six word reviews (unless Zimbabwer become a test nation again, which doesn’t look as though it’s going to happen any time soon!)

We now rejoin the old Pakistan & East Pakistan, in an old “I met my former flame on facebook after thirty years”, kind of way.

Sweet!

Pakistan

Salman Butt: Funny name, averages thirty, that’s shit.

Nasir Jamshed: Mum makes plum conserves there. Nice!

Younis Khan: One day brilliant, next day shit.

Yousuf Youhana (Mohammad Yousuf): Brilliant, boring, Mama call him Youhana.

Shoaib Malik: Skipper, no-one else wanted it. Alright.

Misbah-ul-Haq: Misbah Cricket: LIke Inzy, but slim.

Shahid Afridi: Mentalist, shall I defend? No, SMASH!

Kamran Akmal: Ugly; used to be good, now rotten

Sohail Tanvir: Bored with seam, how about spin?

Umar Gul: Bad back, moves ball both ways.

Iftikhar Anjum: 27, fuck off, he’s nearly forty!

East Pakistan

Tamim Iqbal: His dad was fatter than Inzy!

Shahriar Nafees:Scared the shit out of Aussies.

Aftab Ahmed: Scored 82no in Durham. Now pony.

Mohammad Ashraful: Big lips. Who’s he looking at?

Raqibul Hasan: Not Saqibul Hasan, which confuses me.

Shakib Al Hasan: Is Saqibul Hasan! Shovel Shot Specialist

Mohammad Mahmudullah: All-rounder: All round shit, basically.

Farhad Reza: Batsman, opens bowling too. How queer.

Dhiman Ghosh: looks like convict carlos the jackal.

(have a look at his profile on Cricinfo!

Mashrafe Mortaza: Vice Captain, fiery fella, still shit.

Abdur Razzak: left arm spinner, one of millions.
That was hard work, thankfully the few beers at lunch and the full bladder allowed me to pile through!



Oh joy..

After a weekend of “icy death from the sky”, today has started beautifully..

The Gris woke up happy as happy thing, the sun is shining, the grass is all freshly cut outside the office, and the Tower of London looks beautiful in the radiant sunshine..

As you may be able to ascertain from the above, Suave is happy this morning (nothing to do with his new suave accessories, no siree).

On to the cricket..

Pakistan begin a one-day series against the Mighty Bangladesh, look out for a six word review, coming soon…

Hopefully after all the sheninagans (my favourite word ever, and that’s a fact!) involving Akhtar, we can see the Pakistani’s play the sort of cricket we know they can produce.

By that I mean, one day brilliant, the next, positively shite.

In other news,  Giles Clarke, the ECB chairman, once again made it clear he doesn’t see a place for England players in the IPL.  It was the thinliest (that’s not a word is it?) veiled threat I’ve heard since, that bouncer last week, threatened to rip my mates face off.

So DangerAnus is the only The England player who will compete in the IPL.  This has pissed off KP, as he’s not getting in on the spondooleys, and that makes the mercenary very unhappy.

Over at The Reverse Swing Manifesto, it’s also hinted that KP is getting abused by Chris Gayle, cos he’s missing out.  Good, stupid Saffer.  The man is earning about a million pound a year, so even after Gayle’s IPL payout, he’s still pissing all over him, the greedy bastard.

Check back later, for the weekly six word quiz..  Last weeks winner was David Barry, who received a wonderful prize

As they say down in loony tunes town, that’s all folks..