Suave's Republique Cricket

Rob Key reacts to captaincy of England Lions
April 30, 2008, 11:42 am
Filed under: Cricket, LOLCricket | Tags: , , , , ,

Surprise Buttsecks!!

The weekly quiz of wonderment. Six words, guess who it is!
April 29, 2008, 3:55 pm
Filed under: Cricket, quiz | Tags: , ,

This weeks quiz is as follows.


I may have exaggerated this slightly, by a mis-reading of his wikipedia page. He took three wickets in four overs against Victoria. He then scored 138no against queensland in the next match. I thought he’d done both against Victoria, so I’ve changed it slightly..

Further Update: Jrod has guessed correctly.  Ray Lindwall was the answer.

Proper quick, unstoppable yorker. A dragon

This is a tough one, but I’m sure someone will get it..

Past winners



David Barry

See if you can add yourself to the Republique’s Longroom honours board!

Weekly quiz of wonderment. The prize!
April 29, 2008, 2:44 pm
Filed under: Cricket, Picture-Metaphor, quiz | Tags: , , , , ,

Ozmoses is the winner, bow before his knowledge!

As I was away on holiday, I never got round to giving the prize for the last six word quiz.  That is remedied above.   Another picture of pure delight.  This one was much harder than the last, as there seems to be about three pictures of Bernard Bosanquet on the whole wwwwwwwweb. (looks like a Harmison over!)

Well done to Miriam for guessing correctly too.

Check again later today, for this weeks “Weekly quiz of wonderment!”

Robert Key, Robert Key, opened up for Kent;

Rob Key Gets a lazy lob on for Kiwi bowlers

Robert Key, Robert Key, all knew what this meant;
Did he get out?
Was there any doubt?
Front foot clout;
Back foot clout;
Rob’s not out.

The Major Key (thanks to Miriam for this…), King Cricket’s favourite person, in the entire world (he’s close to being mine too), yesterday took the Kiwi bowlers to the sword. Not literally, you understand, metal bats were banned after that old fella Dennis Lillee got arsey.

He clubbed the hapless Kiwis for 178 not out. This now means he’s completed a hat-trick of hundreds against them. “This sort of kick-started my summer four years ago, so it’s a good omen,” said Key.

Sir Robert Of Kentington Key also had this to say..

“Sometimes you have teams as a batter and fortunately at the moment the New Zealanders seem to cop it.”

When asked what his chances of getting back into The England setup were, he said thus…

“There are a few guys scoring runs at the moment,” he said. “Ravi Bopara is getting a hundred most times he walks to the wicket, and Owais Shah is a fine player. A lot depends on what they need. If they need an opener, then I’ll go ahead, if it’s a No. 3, then maybe Owais [Shah], if they need someone to bowl a little bit, maybe Ravi [Bopara] … If they need an old bloke they’ve got Ramps.”

On present form, I’d have Key opening the batting with Strauss. Cook and Vaughan look awful at the minute. Right hand/left hand combo, both in touch, Ravi would replace Vaughan, with Bell at three.


News just in, Robert Key has been selected as captain of The England Lions, as he’s obviously a god.

That is all.

Yeehaw!! Harbhajan the halfwit banned for 11 games.
April 28, 2008, 12:15 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Look at that face, I'd love to imprint my cricket boots onto his face!

Harbhajan Singh has been sensationally banned for 11 games, for slapping Sree Sreesanth. Video evidence was shown, that proved there was no provocation, and Halfwit Harbhajan admitted guilt.

This now ends his IPL campaign for the Mumbai Indians (no bad thing as they didn’t win a game with him as skipper).

The BCCI are also looking into the incident, and may be dealing with this seperately. Let’s hope they throw the twat out.

I can understand the urge to slap Sreesanth, everyone can, but without provocation, you need to be a little more mature in your actions. Especially with a few million people watching.

No, let’s hope that Harbhajan disappears into obscurity, never to be seen again. That smug look on his face makes me want to hulk smash him, crushing all of his bones into pieces.

EPL is the way forward.
April 25, 2008, 2:02 pm
Filed under: Cricket, fantasy cricket | Tags: , , , ,

The ECB & PCA want a product that they can export back to India in place by 2010. The current thinking seems to be regional teams, merging the 18 counties into six regions.

I’ve taken a look at this, and picked what i believe (current players only), would be the best 20/20 teams for each region.

What do you think?

How regions may look

North Northern bastards

Michael Di Venuto:  Durham

Mal Loye: Lancs

Brad Hodge: Lancs

Jacques Rudolph:  Yorks

Paul Collingwood:  Durham, Captain

Phil Mustard:  Durham. Wk

Andrew Flintoff: Lancs

Glenn Chapple:  Lancs

Adil Rashid:  Yorks

Matthew Hoggard:  Yorks

Steve Harmison: Durham

London shandy drinking twats

Andrew Strauss:  Middlesex, Capt

James Benning:  Surrey

Mark Ramprakash:  Surrey

Owais Shah: Middlesex

Ryan Ten Doeschate:  Essex

Alistair Brown:  Surrey

David Nash:  Middlesex, Wk

Ravi Bopara:  Essex

Chris Jordan:  Surrey

Danish Kaneria:  Essex

Saqlain Mushtaq:  Surrey

Southern Softies

Rob Key:  Kent, Captain

Michael Carberry: Hants

Michael Yardy: Sussex

Murray Goodwin:  Sussex

Kevin Pietersen:  Hants

Luke Wright:  Sussex

Matt Prior: Sussex Wk

Dimi Mascheranas: Hants

Yasir Arafat: Kent

Shane Bond:  Hants

Mushtaq Ahmed:  Sussex

Wales and West whinging wankers

Marcus Trescothick:  Somerset

Craig Spearman:  Gloucs

Justin Langer: Somerset, Capt

Hamish Marshall: Gloucs

Marcus North: Gloucs

Ian Blackwell:  Somerset

Jamie Dalrymple:  Glamorgan

Steve Adshead:  Glamorgan, Wk

Peter Trego:  Somerset

Jason Gillespie: Glamorgan

Carl Greenidge:  Gloucs

West Midlands whiny wasters

Vikram Solanki:  Worcs

Darren Maddy: Warwks, Capt

Ian Bell: Warwks

Jonathon Trott: Warwks

Greame Hick:  Worcs

Steve Davies:  Worcs, Wk

Lance Klusener: Northants

Nicky Boje:  Norhthants

Kabir Ali: Worcs

Gareth Batty: Worcs:

Monty Panesar: Northants

East Midlands Middling Meddlers


Samit Patel: Leics

HD Ackerman: Leics

David Hussey:  Notts, Capt

Rikki Clarke: Derbyshire

Jeremy Snape:  Leics

Chris Read:  Notts, Wk

Greame Swann:  Notts

Stuart Broad:  Notts

Ryan Sidebottom: Notts

Garnett Kruger:  Leics

Nayan Doshi: derbyshire

New Zealand touch down.

After my visit to the dentist yesterday (fortunately no woot canaw), I had the whole afternoon to myself. I decided to check out Middlesex vs Glamorgan at Lords.

I seem to be a bad omen for cricket at Lords.

Last time I went it f*cking hammered it down non-stop for two hours, and I was literally soaked through. Wet socks, undergarments, and all.. I eventually got a cab home, only to find the sun out, and play actually happening. Damn Lords, and it’s amazing drainage.

Yesterday, I got off the tube at Regents Park in bright sunshine, and was soaked by the time I’d walked the mile to Lords.

While I was hiding from the rain, I was stood outside the ECB indoor nets, just as the New Zealand squad were arriving to practice before their game with an MCC XI on sunday.

I saw Tim Southee, the bucktoothed young buck. He was wearing flup-flops in the rain.
One of the coaches wasn’t even wearing that, no shoes at all. Actually come to think of it, the fella was short and bald, it might have been rubbish saffer all-rounder Grant Eliott.

Angry man Mark Gillespie isn’t any where near as angry off the pitch. I’m assuming he’s like Andre Nel, and suffers white line fever. He was very nice to the anoraks near me, who were autograph hunting.

I joked with Chris Martin about his batting coaching video. He laughed and said he’d give me a one on one for a few hundred quid! It sounds funny when foreigners say quid.

Jamie How looked old, and helped the van driver unpack the water for the boys. He might have to get used to that if the doesn’t start scoring runs soon!

There was also lots of fellas, that I had no idea who they were.

One thing I will say, is that test cricketers appear bigger in the flesh. Not height wise, you sort of expect them to be a certain height. I mean depth. Jamie How is about the same height as me, but is about twice as thick. (probably in more than one way, what, what!)

John Bracewell looks craggy.

I’ll be creating my picture-metaphor prize for Osmoses, after he successfully guessed the winner to last weeks quiz.