Filed under: Cricket | Tags: England, Michael Vaughan, The England, yorkshire, Yorkshire CCC
If there’s one thing you constantly hear about Michael Vaughan, it’s that he’s hitting it well in the nets.
Now look at that photo above, and by jove, the fucker is!
There’s no green edges, it’s all middle.
If anyone knows what the green shit is from, or where the balls come from, I’d be intrigued. I see lots of green marks on international cricketers bats, but have never seen a green ball. When we use a bowling machine, they’re either yellow or red, and they don’t leave marks.
I’m guessing that Michael looks great for a pristine 20, then gets done by a straight one, but you never know.
If only he could do it in the middle more. That would be nice.
Well fuck my old boots. What do you know. He really is hitting it well in the middle. This time around though, he’s good at one day cricket, and shit over the longer term.
He’s averaging over 50 in pyjama’s this year. His career average is 29.
The world really is going wonky.
Ha! I’ve jinxed him. 46 is his season average now. Out LBW for 74. Still good mind, but he’s not hit a century in OD games for ages. He’s only scored 3 centuries in 360 odd List A and ODI matches. Michael Vaughan will be very disappointed not to cash in on a flat deck at the oval. In fact Michael Vaughan might get so angry he only communicates with himself in the third person.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Adil Rashid, Ashley Giles, Cricket, Cricket With Balls, England, Geoff Miller, Graeme Swann, india, James Foster, Matt Prior, Michael Vaughan, Monty Panesar, Owais Shah, Ravi Bopara, Selection Cocks, The England, Tim Ambrose, Tony Frost
The touring squad for India has just been picked, and there are no major surprises anywhere. Which is all a bit tedious if you ask me.
The three main areas of contention were..
The replacement for Mickey V, him of the central contract and the straight ball issue.
The place has gone to Ace, as he’s an exceptional player of spin, and had a handy performance in India back in the winter of 2005, I’ve no problem with this one, as he’s shown class for The England whenever he’s played of late, and Rav The Chav has been smashing mediocre Division Two bowlers around all season. I mean fucking hell, Tony Frost, some brummy landscape gardener, with myopia, averaged 80 in division two this year.
Second we had the wanky wicky conundrum.
Matt Prior and Tim Ambrose had increment contracts, which is like a temp version of a central contract, so were the obvious choices for the selectors.
Prior Deserved it, Ambrose didn’t. The man is shit. Can’t catch and can’t bat at international level. IT should have gone to Essex Wonder Wicky, James Foster. He’s the best wicket keeper in the country by a long shot, and his batting is reliable, and solid. And to rub salt in to the wounds he doesn’t even get a shout with the development squad. If I was James Foster, I’d be talking to a few geezers in dark corners of Essex boozers about where the selection panel live. Know what I mean son? A nod is as good as a wink to a blind man.
Then we get two them troublesome spinners.
The choices were Monty Panesar, Greame Swann and Adil Rashid.
They’ve picked The Sikh of Tweak, and gobby bloke.
Young Buck don’t even get a sniff, which is shit.
He’s the highest wicket taker out of any spinner in the country. He’s taken 62 wickets at 30, and is a better batsman the Swanny, and has proven runs for The England Hedgehogs out in India too.
Jrod over at the peerless Cricket with Balls, had this to say…
He seems to have been chosen under the Ashley Giles selection policy.
“Sure he doesn’t take many wickets, but he can bat a bit, and everyone likes him, so lets take him along. “
The fact that Ashley Giles is on the selection committee probably had a lot to do with that!
Arsebiscuits to the lot of em..
Rashid is a better option, and he needs to be tested against quality opposition, to see where he really is. Being sent on The Hedgehog tour again, is like sending him back to do the same year at school, like the big retarded kid with the sideburns who smashes kids up for their lunch money.
They sent him away to improve his bowling last winter and he took more wickets than any other spinner in English cricket. What more do they need?
Some will say he’s too young, but he’s the same age as Murali was when he made his debut, and he was nowt special til he developed his doosra.
And off spinners are shit heads, FACT.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, ECB, England, epic fail, Fail, fail boat, fail pictures, failboat, FailCricket, Michael Vaughan, The England
This is going to be short, very short.
I’m pissed and angry and Strictly Come Dancing is about to start.
Geoff Miller has dropped Michael Vaughan from the India winter tour. Fucking right you might say…. Me too.
Then why has the fucker been given a central contract? He won’t play this winter, so it should have gone to someone more deserving.
More to come shortly on Ceci’s county Durham, who today re-wrote the championship records.
Love you all.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Alastair Cook, Cricket, England, Ian Bell, Michael Vaughan, paul collingwood, South Africa, The England
Morning all. I trust you are all well? No, ah, you’re either a The England or a The Sri Lanka fan this morning. Shit eh? At least you Sirils have got a hulk smashing win to fall back on, we’ve got sweet fuck all to be happy about here.
The England were shit yesterday, as we were last week, and the week before that.
The England’s selections for yesterday were shit. Colly, much as I love him, is pure shit at the minute, and should be sent to the glue factory. Cook and Bell can’t convert, Pietersen can’t stop trying to smash everything through midwicket, even when the ball appears to be moving away from him. And Vaughan, well fuck Vaughan, the silly cunt. He can’t score a run for love nor money, and that surprises me! If there’s one thing that motivates Vaughany it’s money, the rich twat.
But enough analysis (hard hitting journalism again), what I came here to say was this…
Stop praying for clouds you stupid pricks. Fucking Eyeliner Model himself saying “ooh if there’s clouds, it’ll favour our bowlers, and we might get back into this game”. They said that during the last test, and we were spanked like naughty public school boys. There was no cloud for The Saffers, so go about your business expecting a flat pitch, which it is, and put the ball in the right areas, like they did, and stop praying to the cloud god, you fucking baboons.
I’ve finally got myself a job, i’m sure you’ll be pleased to hear. It’s in Brussels, Belgium. I’d heard they were suffering a distinct lack of rage, so I thought I’d come visit them, and share mine about. Hopefully I’ll be able to get into a scrap with Jean Claude Van Damme while I’m there, and show him some moves.
What this means to you dear reader (notice the singular, as you lot are fickle bastards, write nothing for a week, and you search for your rage elsewhere), is that I shall be back on the horse. Whether I can actually watch any cricket remains to be seen, but I will write about what I read, at least.
Now fuck off back to what you were doing.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Alastair Cook, billy bowden, Cricket, Dale Steyn, England, Michael Vaughan, South Africa
Billy Bowden is a knob head.
Cook was about six inches away from that ball that hit his thigh pad.
I’m fucking livid about that. I feel like smashing his nerdy, invisible friend loving face in. The freak.
Test matches aren’t about you, you talentless halfwit. It’s about the 22 talented fellas, who rely on their skill, unlike you, you fucking show pony.
Bollocks, now Vaughan’s out again. MV is Steyn’s bunny.