Suave's Republique Cricket


HA HA HA HA HA!
July 21, 2009, 1:47 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Photography comic genius!

I don’t think anything else needs to be said here, does it?

Ricky Ponting FAIL!



The Ashes 2009, First test, six word review

Here we are again, with Suave’s six word reviews.  Australia to come this afternoon.

Andrew Strauss

Piss poor captaincy, shit with bat.

Alastair Cook

Fucking piss-weak, public school cunt.

Ravi Bopara

Outwitted, then fucked over by Doctrove

Kevin Pietersen

Look at me, stupid ego cunt.

Paul Collingwood

Gritty street fighter, better than spinners

Matt Prior

looks OK, no smashing just yet.

Andrew Flintoff

Bowled into ground, now fucking crocked.

Stuart Broad

Can’t bowl for shit, find length!!!

Greame Swann

Worse than Hauritz.  One funny fucker.

James Anderson

Batting supremo.  Pitch it up, wanker!

Monty Panesar

Too quick, no variation, soon gone.



Cricket & Philosophy.
July 14, 2009, 10:24 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

My philosophy about cricket is to rant and scream and bash any and all fuckers who play badly, whilst representing their countries.

Luckily, not everyone is an angry fuckface, like me.  These fella’s seem cool.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF CRICKET The self-styled ‘sporting outfitters of intellectual distinction’ at Philosophy Football find quotes from philosophers about football and slap them on a T-shirt with name and squad number added.

This summer they have launched a their philosophy cricket range with opening bat CB Fry’s musings on cricket as a philosophy.   As a cricketer CB Fry captained both Sussex and England.  A gifted footballer too, he played professionally for Southampton and Portsmouth, making his England debut in 1901.

For a time he was also holder of the world record for the long jump. A superbly gifted cricket writer and academic off the pitch CB politically managed to combine standing unsuccessfully for Parliament as a Liberal Party candidate with the bizarre idea ideas that if Germany could be persuaded to play England at test cricket WW2 might be avoided.

The T-shirt is available from www.philosophyfootball.com with the search now on for other cricket quotes for T-shirted immortalisation.

He was a clever chap, even smarter than his namesake Stephen!

Go visit them, and make yourself look Suave too.



Alastair Cook in “I can play in pyjamas” shocker.

Cook, Broad & Anderson Naked

Opening day of the 20/20 championship, and The Essex were down at Canterbury to face the lowly Kent.

Alastair Cook opens the innings.

Then it all gets weird.

He scored lots, and quickly.  What the fuck is going on?  I fear the end is nigh children.  Bunker up, and await the Apocalypse.

80 from 56 balls.  QUE?!

Strangely enough, I know he can do that more regularly.  I watched him smash a double century at a run a ball, against Australia (Lee, Gillespie, Tait, MacGill, Kasprowicz) in 2005.

Why does he not do it more?  Because he’s an eyeliner wearing little shitbag..   I’m hoping this is changing, and his bollocks have actually dropped.



Media wankfest #2
Good, but not that good... Yet...

Good, but not that good... Yet...

Dear media,

Please stop the wankfest over Hughes’ county stint please.

Most of the runs he scored were in the County Championship 2nd division.  This is a division where the leading wicket takers are Jon Lewis & James Tredwell.

Those old fuckers weren’t even good enough to hold down a spot in The England’s ODI side, and they’re proper fucking pony.

So can we stop with the cock sucking please.  He smashed around a load of has-beens and never will be’s.

I’m not saying that the fella hasn’t got talent.   He has.   He’s averaging 69 in both test and FC cricket.  Not bad, I think you’ll agree..

What I will say, is that Jimmy Adams averaged 87 after 12 tests, and Mike Hussey averaged 80 at the start of 2008 and is now averaging 55 (to be fair that’s still higher than any current The  England batsman).

If, after the ashes he’s still averaging high 60’s, then fairly do’s, lick the boy’s testicles all you like.  Allow him to roger you roughly with bananas from his daddy’s farm, but let’s not get stupid, eh…

Now fuck off.

Update

Being a Suave fellow, I’m horrified, I say horrified at what I’ve just seen on Sky Sports News.

I know Phil Hughes is young, but there’s never an excuse to be wearing an ill fitting suit, with a shirt that has seventies style collars opened wide, to expose the chest hair.  That and the two diamond earrings, have sent my Suave sensibilities absolutely bandy..

Fucking hell, can’t someone teach the little bogan banana farmer to dress properly!



You cheap fuckers
May 20, 2009, 8:27 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , ,
You tight cunts, couldn't afford a five, eh?!

You tight cunts, couldn't afford a five, eh?!

So 50 days to go.

One of the young lackeys has a bright idea “hey boss,  why don’t we ask someone to bake a cake to celebrate that fact”.

“Good idea junior, it’ll look great for the photo’s, get on it!”.

What you get back is a shower of shit, with someone putting an upside down 20, instead of a 50 on the top.

Fuck my old boots, did you not expect anyone to notice?!  Dumb cunts.

That is all.



Thank You ‘Strayan Selectors.
Symonds crying like a baby.

Symonds crying like a baby.

If there’s one fella The England didn’t want to have to face this year, for The Ashes, it was Andrew Symonds.

We hate him, because he’s good.   He loves to smash a Pom.

In the last ashes series, Symonds came good in test match cricket.  The England had fuck all on the board, in the 4th test, and Australia started their 1st innings, trying to get an imposing lead.  Suddenly Freddie fired up, and The England had Australia at 83/5.  In came Symonds, and along with OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, destroyed The England.  They put on 279 at over 4rpo, and destroyed any hopes of gettting a consolation win.

So we salute you ‘Strayan administracats, for sending the ginger in his place.