Suave's Republique Cricket


Symonds in “I’m still a drunken fuckwit” shocker
June 4, 2009, 11:53 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

Stupid fucktard

According to cackinfo,  Andrew Symonds has been sent home again, for more alcohol fuelled shenanigans.

Now this shouldn’t come as a surprise to many, because he is a Brummy, and they’re all piss soaked tramps.  That and the fact that he was brought up in ‘Straya, the home of fucking god awful weak lager.

Whenever he comes here, he drinks the same amount, and forgets that our beer is about fourteen times stronger. They don’t call it tanglefoot for now’t, you know.

This has got to be the last time he ever gets to pull on an Aussie jersey, hasn’t it?  This must be number 6002 in his sozzled history, and surely that’s enough for any one predator.

Will this weaken the ‘Strayan 20/20 side?  I’d say yes, he averages 48 with the bat and 34 with the ball in T20i’s, them’s shit hot numbers.

What I’m trying to say is…

HA FUCKING HA!

Australia are now officially shit again, and we can all laugh out loud at them.



Thank You ‘Strayan Selectors.
Symonds crying like a baby.

Symonds crying like a baby.

If there’s one fella The England didn’t want to have to face this year, for The Ashes, it was Andrew Symonds.

We hate him, because he’s good.   He loves to smash a Pom.

In the last ashes series, Symonds came good in test match cricket.  The England had fuck all on the board, in the 4th test, and Australia started their 1st innings, trying to get an imposing lead.  Suddenly Freddie fired up, and The England had Australia at 83/5.  In came Symonds, and along with OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, destroyed The England.  They put on 279 at over 4rpo, and destroyed any hopes of gettting a consolation win.

So we salute you ‘Strayan administracats, for sending the ginger in his place.



Straya are shit!
Strayan conquerers!

Strayan conquerers!

It’s official.  Australia are now only average as a cricketing side..  They’ve had their pants pulled down and been spanked by an abusive father.  It hurts kids, but get used to it!   This is what being a The England fan is all about!

The reasons for their collapse are many.  They lost two champions in McGrath & Warne, and any side would struggle after losing them.  They also seem to be moving into the old The England selection mentality, by chopping and changing players in the same way Zsa Zsa Gabor changes husbands.

Here is my in-depth, hard-hitting, journalistic reasoning for the current series loss.

Hayden is old and fucking stupid, so deserves to burn in the fiery depths of hell.

Katich should probably be captain, and remember to stop chasing really wide ones.

Punter needs to concentrate on his batting, it’s the only thing the boy does well.   He’s a fucking useless captain.

Hussey should be replaced by his brother, until he remembers how to score runs.

Pup Clarke to move up the order, and stick as vice captain.

Andrew Symonds is a prize cock and needs to fuck off and get fit, both physically and mentally.

Brad Haddin, one thinks, should have a long look at himself, and realise it’s not Adam Gilchrist in the reflection.  Stop it you fucking cud chewing cowcock.

Brett Lee.  Shoot the damn dog.  Shit, shit, shit.

Mitchell Johnson is their only decent bowler at present, and needs to be left as a shock not stock bowler.

Nathan Hauritz is not good enough to trouble the North Midd 4th XI, so why he’s playing for the “Number One” side in the world, I’ll never know?!

Peter Sizzle wants to spend a season playing first class cricket for Victoria.  Has real potential, but no way near enough experience..

Their is a bleak outlook for Australia for the near future.  I predict a three nil drubbing at home, and am pretty confident, that they’ll win fuck all in South Africa.   Not the best preperation for an ashes tour.

Check back later for my appraisal of the South Africa side, and Suave’s Suavest 2008 XI.

UPDATE!

After reading mediawatch, the daily news column of Football365.com, I found something to delight me further, even though I feel like dog turd.

Australia: Their Year In Sport
Rugby Union: Beaten in September’s Tri-Nations final.

Rugby League: Beaten by New Zealand in September’s World Cup final – a shock result described as the ‘most significant upset in the history of international rugby league’.

Cricket: Beaten in India and then on home soil by South Africa – their first series defeat in Austraila for 16 years.

Olympics: Even beaten by Great Britain.
It’s gone well then!



Australia v West Indies, 2nd Test review.

Indepth Player analysis.

Australia

Phil Jacques.  OMG he;s like so shit in the field and like had to hide from some other blokes shit long hops all match, and thing.

Simon Katich.  he looks like a crab and things, and he got hurt and stuff.

Ricky Ponting.  LOL, where’s that hair from, looks like he picked it up off the road and stuff. ROFL

Michael Clarke.  He’s so fit and that.

Mike Hussey.  God all I did was sleep when i saw this old bloke.  He’s like so boring and that.  Fuckoff grand dad

Andrew Symonds.  He looks like predator LMAO.  He’s scary like a bear

Brad Haddin.  ROFL, looks a bit like some ovvver bloke that used to bend down and things.

Brett Lee.  Gay, wants to design pants for teenage boys, ROFL.  Call the coPS

Mitchell Johnson.  big teeth xxxLMAOxxx Shit.

Stuart Clark.  BORIng.  Sent ME TO sleep and shit, and all that other stuff

West Indies

Xavier Marshall.  OMG looks nice, and fly.  Shoots to soon.

Devon Smith.  UGLY! Fuckoff uglyboy.

Ramnaresh Sarwan.  He’s like cute and thing, gets a bit crazy but goes all the way LOL xxx.x.xx

Runako Morton.  You gonna get raped.  OMG HE@S SHITa and scary N that,

Shivnarine “Lord Megachief Of Gold” Chanderpaul.  he looks like that strayan bloke, but is millions better and things

Dwayne Bravo.  all blinged up and no place to go, ROFL.

Denesh Ramdin.  Cute, Shit, but Cute.

Darren Sammy.  OMG he could be good, but isn’t really and stuff

Jerome Taylor.  Good, bad and ugly LMAOxxx ROFL<

Daren Powell.  Shit

Fidel Edwards. You never guess WHAT, he’s like really quick and stuff, but he misses too much LOL



CB Series Finals- India Win!!!

The final CB Series thundered to a climax this week. I say “thundered”, I mean “trundled”. And I say “climax”, but I mean “sorry conclusion”.

India have won the second final, after another classy knock from Sachin pushed the game just beyond ‘Straya’s reach!

look mummy, i hitted past the monkey!

Gilchrist retired with a splutter, scoring just the 2.

Hogg retired even more meekly, by being dropped.  Fat tongued twat

HairWeave Ponting, will just be glad to see the back of the Indians, after enduring a terrible summer against them.

Praveen Kumar had another good game today, taking 4-46 .

Symonds gets down to some man-love!

Andrew Symonds, who is a bell end of considerable magnitude, decided to get fruity with a spectator.  Unfortunately, he didn’t fuck himself up, a la Terry Alderman, who dislocated a shoulder taking down a streaker.

He also fell to his best mate Bhaji for the second game in a row.  In one Harbajhan over, he removed both Hayden(run-out) and Symonds (LBW).

I ran myself out, as I’d heard there were orphans hanging around the car park, and I was hungry!

Hayden, what can I say about this man, that I haven’t said before?  After the debacle of offering to fight a 19yr old praying mantis,  he has shown himself to be a poltroon (my new favourite word) and a great big swaggering chump!

Is it any wonder, that CA administracrats want to get rid of the tri-series ODI’s.  They’ve lost the last two, after winning all the warm up games comfortably.

Let’s raise a glass, and sing CHAK DE INDIA!



Symonds Vs Bhajji part MCMXXVI
January 29, 2008, 9:44 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , ,

Andrew Symonds

I am not a monkey, I am a killing machine!

Harbajhan Singh

I like big butts and I can’t deny!

One looks like he kills children for fun.

One looks like he has a dove of peace in his hand. (Probably why he was cleared!)

The only way to resolve all of this, is for the boys to meet in the car park for a scrap.

I know where I’m putting my money, how about you?