Suave's Republique Cricket

Oh dear lord, the end is nigh…
Cooky smashing a six, yes A SIX, on his way to 77 from 55.

Cooky smashing a six, yes A SIX, on his way to 77 from 55.

What the fuck is going on here?!

Alastair Cook took his recent smackdown show to Kent again.  Last week he scored 80 from 56 balls against the spitfires, this week 77 off 55.  So far in the 20/20 cup he’s scored 197 runs at an average of 49.25 and a strike rate of 139.  Wow.  Thems good figures eh…

I like this a lot.  I always want to see an Essex boy do well, but he’s consistently annoyed the shit out of me, by being the most tedious fucktard the world has ever seen.

He rarely hits the ball in the air, scores his runs in test cricket at a snails pace, and is generally a grinder.

I think a season playing List A cricket, and 20/20 will improve the boy no end.   He’s made it clear that he wants to be considered for The England in all types of cricket, which is an admirable statement, and one that he appears to be backing up.

I’m looking forward to the day, that I look at a The England pyjamas match, and don’t want to cut my face in to slithers because eyeliner is opening the batting.  Let’s hope it’s not too far round the corner.

August 19, 2008, 11:26 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

Quick post, too busy, brain is mush.

Just wanted to say, YOU’SE ALL SHITE!!!

Up the mighty The Essex!

Hard hitting journalism strikes again.

Paul Grayson The Wonderhorse.

In the last few 20/20 games for Essex, head coach Paul Grayson has tinkered with the Essex batting line up, based on conditions and opposition, and the fella has pulled it off every time.

Firstly against Sussex, he spoke with Super Smasher Graham Napier, and hearing that he was middling everything, sent him in at first drop, where he smashed the current The English 20/20 highest score.

He also pushed him up the order against Yorkshire in the FP trophy, where he cracked a 34 ball 61.

In the next game against Northants, he looked at their bowling line up, realised that Napier’s strengths are against medium to quicks, and that they have three excellent players of spin in their middle order, in Grant Flower, James Foster & my man to watch Ryan Ten Doeschate.  So Grayson changed the lineup, sent Ravi Bopara into open the batting, (scoring a quickfire 47), before the middle order came in and worked the Northants spinners around.  By the time Napier came in, there was one over of spin left, and he hit 40 off 20, to push Essex up to 192-9.  A very good score to defend, especially after the heavens opened, and gave the pitch a little zip.

What I’m trying to say is, well done Paul Grayson for having the knowledge and the balls to change things around in important games, and it’s come off.   Essex are in both short form finals days so far, and expect them to fare well in the Pro40 shite too.

In other news, Sri Lanka are replacing the zim zimmers, who got the keys to me bimmer, for next years test and ODI series.  A much more challenging prospect, and in my eyes a good one to get us prepared for the Aussies.

Hopefully, we’ll get to see a fair bit of this Mendis fella too.

Although us The English are going to be ripped apart by him, as we’re shit at mystery spin.

Toodle pip.

What O Children. Suave’s easing his way back in!

I’m still job hunting.  Although technically I haven’t done any for a week now.

I was in Germany last week, living the rock and roll lifestyle.  Sharing Jack Daniels from a bottle with Jim James, the lead singer of the finest live band in the world (My Morning Jacket), explaining the similarities and differences of baseball and cricket to the ryhthm section, Patrick and Two Tone Tommy.

When it was all over, I was happy to be going home.  Three days of travelling, drinking, and rocking had taken its toll, and Suave wanted to be at home with The Gris.

A little update on the Cricket now…

Super Smasher

Super Smasher

Graham Napier is my new hero.  Not only did he smash the highest score in 20/20 cricket in The England against Sussex two weeks ago, his batting since then has been full blooded to say the least.  He smashed Yorkshire around like the little boys they are, to reach the FP trophy final at Lords, and then chose to inflict pain on Northants last night too.  Not only that, but as an all-rounder he then took 4-10 in four overs to really butt-fuck the saffers.  Essex have now made it to the finals day in 20/20 at The Rose Bowl too.  Top work young fella my lads

If this lad isn’t picked in the squad for the Stanford Millionaires game, something is seriously wrong.

Yorkshire might be out of the 20/20 competition too, after forgetting to register an Academy player, who has a Pakistani passport.  He did captain The England under 15’s whilst holiding a Pakistani passport, so it seems strange that the ECB will punish Yorkshire for playing him, while he captained The England whilst a Pakistani Citizen?!

Bad week all-round for the Tykes, and my sympathies go out to Len, my favourite Yorkshire man.

Check back tomorrow for a full preview of The England vs The Saffers test series.   Real hard-hitting journalism, or as I like to say.  Shit.  but it’ll be funny shit, about what I’d like every The England/Saffer player to do for me, if they had to spend eternity by my side.

Until then, as Len would say.  Si’thee later.

Ravi Bopara. Good work fella.

I\'ve got a massive bum chin

Ravi Bopara, Essex all-rounder.

THis boy is the shizzle this season, he’s scored 341 runs in three County Championship innings and also tops his team’s bowling averages.

Him and my man, Ten Doeschate (took a 6-fer against the kiwi’s) are both looking superb down at the county ground.

Ravi has admitted that he turned down a six figure sum from the IPL, to concentrate on getting back into THE ENgland setup.

That is good.

That is nice.

Ravi is my friend again.

Ravi had this to say..

“If I do this, and with the current talk of new competitions and one-off matches to sit alongside the IPL, then I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities to enjoy the financial benefits in years to come,”

23 years old, and the little fella’s got a wise head on his shoulders!

This makes me happy.  More updates, when the fugue of four  days drinking lifts from my sorry head.

The Essex one to watch does well.
April 15, 2008, 9:48 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , ,

Cesc FabregasRyan Ten Doeschate

After predicting a good season for Ryan Ten Doeschate here.., I’m glad that he has started brightly.

Against Cambridge UCCE, he scored 146 off 147 balls, which is nice.

Skipper Mark Pettini must have read what I had to say also, as he scored 153 off 206 balls.   Nice start, young fellow my lads.

Slightly worrying that an Essex XI couldn’t bowl out a team of students.  How on earth can you not bowl them out.  Leave a joint and a kebab on a length and most students would be running down the track.

Ryan did take one wicket though, so that’s good.   David Masters who’s just joined from Leics. also took a wicket, and went for next to no runs.  Every one else needs to buck their ideas up, or Evil Not Suave In The Slightest, is going to visit, and smash em up, real good.

Angry Andre Nel signs for the mighty Essex Eagles
April 3, 2008, 10:07 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

Gunther feels the rage, so would I, if I had to bowl alongside halfwits like James Middlebrook!

Andre Nel is to return to county cricket with Essex, for the third season in a row.

This my friends is very good news for The Eagles.  Our bowling line up is shit.  And he is only here for the beginning of the season, whilst Danish Kaneria is away.

It puzzles me why he’d want to go to Essex though, maybe it’s the, bright lights of Bas Vegas.

The delights of Old Leigh, and The Crooked Billet for cockles and a pint, on a summers eve.

Maybe he likes bowling on the flattest deck in the division.

Maybe he’s running away from the incestuous thoughts about his sister.

Maybe he really likes Chelmsford/

No, sorry, no-one really likes Chelmsford.  That’s like really liking watching paint dry.

Whatever the reason is, I’m happy that he’s signed.  Here’s to you Mr Angry