Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ajantha Mendis, Andrew Flintoff, Church Of Sehwagology, Cricket, Gautam Gambhir, Kevin Pietersen, MS Dhoni, Muttiah Muralitharan, Nathan Bracken, odi, Sehwagology, Sohail Tanvir, stuart broad, Virender Sehwag, Younis Khan, Yuvraj Singh
Top run scorer, firenghi lookalike, allround 2008 superstar.
Again, if you disagree, I will come down on you harder than the Spanish Inquisition!
Averaged 54, with a strike rate of 94. Top batting against subcontinental superstars this year.
Captained The England to a magnificent series win against South Africa, whilst smashing them everywhere. Is about the only player in The England who can actually play botf formats of the game.
Annoying prick. Destroyer of The England. Averaged 108 against us. Useful left arm filth too.
MS Dhoni (Wk) Capt.
Winner. Of. The. World.
Along with Pietersen, mangled South Africa. Averaged 50 with the bat, and 21 with the ball in 2008. That is stunningly good.
Breakthrough year for Ricky Schroder, took 32 wickets at 25 and averages over 20 with the bat. A good solid no 8.
Consistently Australia’s best ODI bowler. 31 wickets at 18. If only he didn’t look like a fucking girl.
Brilliant in all short forms of the game. Bowls off the wrong foot, weird windmill action, and looks like an actionman.
What can you say about a man who took 48 wickets at 10.16. Just freakishly good. He’ll get worked out soon, and that average will rise, but don’t expect it to rise too much. This boy has a world of talent.
Probably the only year in the last 10 that this fella didn’t make it into my side. But if it was a spinning track, I’d go with two spinners, and he’d be second choice.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Symonds, australia, boxing day test, Brad Haddin, Brett Lee, Cricket, Matthew Hayden, MCG, melbourne, Michael Clarke, Mike Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Nathan Hauritz, Peter Siddle, Ricky Ponting, Simon Katich, South Africa
It’s official. Australia are now only average as a cricketing side.. They’ve had their pants pulled down and been spanked by an abusive father. It hurts kids, but get used to it! This is what being a The England fan is all about!
The reasons for their collapse are many. They lost two champions in McGrath & Warne, and any side would struggle after losing them. They also seem to be moving into the old The England selection mentality, by chopping and changing players in the same way Zsa Zsa Gabor changes husbands.
Here is my in-depth, hard-hitting, journalistic reasoning for the current series loss.
Hayden is old and fucking stupid, so deserves to burn in the fiery depths of hell.
Katich should probably be captain, and remember to stop chasing really wide ones.
Punter needs to concentrate on his batting, it’s the only thing the boy does well. He’s a fucking useless captain.
Hussey should be replaced by his brother, until he remembers how to score runs.
Pup Clarke to move up the order, and stick as vice captain.
Andrew Symonds is a prize cock and needs to fuck off and get fit, both physically and mentally.
Brad Haddin, one thinks, should have a long look at himself, and realise it’s not Adam Gilchrist in the reflection. Stop it you fucking cud chewing cowcock.
Brett Lee. Shoot the damn dog. Shit, shit, shit.
Mitchell Johnson is their only decent bowler at present, and needs to be left as a shock not stock bowler.
Nathan Hauritz is not good enough to trouble the North Midd 4th XI, so why he’s playing for the “Number One” side in the world, I’ll never know?!
Peter Sizzle wants to spend a season playing first class cricket for Victoria. Has real potential, but no way near enough experience..
Their is a bleak outlook for Australia for the near future. I predict a three nil drubbing at home, and am pretty confident, that they’ll win fuck all in South Africa. Not the best preperation for an ashes tour.
Check back later for my appraisal of the South Africa side, and Suave’s Suavest 2008 XI.
After reading mediawatch, the daily news column of Football365.com, I found something to delight me further, even though I feel like dog turd.
Australia: Their Year In Sport
Rugby Union: Beaten in September’s Tri-Nations final.
Rugby League: Beaten by New Zealand in September’s World Cup final – a shock result described as the ‘most significant upset in the history of international rugby league’.
Cricket: Beaten in India and then on home soil by South Africa – their first series defeat in Austraila for 16 years.
Olympics: Even beaten by Great Britain.
It’s gone well then!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, india, Sehwagology, Virender Sehwag
Thanks for all your kind words, you lovely little lumps of lusciousness. Suave is feeling a bit sick now, so will hopefully be back on form tomorrow. Here’s a little something to whet your appetites.
After seeing this over at cackinfo it inspired more love for the one true god!
May you all have a wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year!
Suave will be off for a few days with the family, so have fun kiddywinks.
Much love, Suave.
Except for half of The England team, there ain’t no love there, wankchops!
Filed under: Cricket
I was just ruminating on a comment in my last post about who is the worst captain in world cricket, and I reckon there aren’t many below Punter, so I thought I’d open it up to you, dear readers.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: australia, Brett Lee, Cricket, fatheadflattrackbully, J P Duminy, Jason Krezja, Matthew Hayden, Mike Hussey, orphan eating bear like fuckhead, Peter Siddle, Ricky Ponting, South Africa, WACA
Have that you fuckers!!
After correctly predicting that Australia were piss-weak pansies (for those who don’t recall, it’s here.)
The Saffers proved how strong they are mentally, to defeat the Aussies, and chasing 414 in the fourth innings. This is the second highest run chase of all time. Pretty fucking good I’d say.
This brings me to Ricky Ponting. Here’s some stuff others have written about the hairy little cockstick. Jrod from the ever brilliant Cricket With Balls had this to say “Excuse me Ricky“.
Also, take a look over at Beer & Sport, where Moses is in the mood for a fight too!
What a prize cunt!
Firstly, he blamed the pitch. Boo fucking hoo, the pitch was rubbish eh.. How come them dirty saffers could take 20 wickets on it? Prick.
- Maybe it’s because between you, Probot and OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, you’ve only scored 56 runs in six innings.
- Maybe it’s picking two blokes with little or no first class experience, then putting them in against the two best sides in world cricket. You’re honestly surprised that these fella’s didn’t bowl teams out?! Fuck off dicksuck.
- Maybe it’s because Brett Lee is weeping himself to sleep because his ex-wife is rooting someone with a bigger cock. (I reckon your wife is too!)
- Maybe it’s because you’re the worst captain in world cricket, and you’re finally being shown up for the half wit you really are.
All I can say is, there ain’t much love out there for you kid, so watch your back.. Know what I mean!