Filed under: Cricket | Tags: billy bowden, Cricket, England, hashim Amla, Ian Bell, Kevin Pietersen, Mark Boucher, Morne Morkel, paul collingwood, South Africa, The England, Tim Ambrose
KP and Ian Bell started as they finished last night, going at 5 an over and putting on a breezy 90odd to add to the 192 they put on together last night. It’s the highest ever 4th wicket partnership against South Africa.
KP then gloved a steepling riser from Morkel, and walked before Harper had to tell him, out for 152.
Fucking silly KP and his nervous 150’s! Some problem to have that, eh kiddywinks.
Colly came in, looked nervous and was done, well and truly by Billy Bowden. Harris bowled one that went with the arm (does he have any other delivery?), and it hit pad, and a sharp catch from Amla, and that was that.
Little Timmy must be hoping that they continue to bowl as they have done so far, short and wide, just like Boucher. Boucher, had a shocker behind the stumps this morning too, looking exceedingly ordinary to the dipping, swinging ball, after pitching.
All in all, The England’s session.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashwell Prince, Cricket, Dale Steyn, Greame Smith, Harbhajan Singh, hashim Amla, india, Ishant Sharma, Makhaya Ntini, Morne Morkel, South Africa, Sree Sreesanth, Virender Sehwag, Yuvraj Singh
India have bowled out The Evil Empire, for 265 in the first innings of the third test.
India need a win, to draw the series, and retain whatever trophy it is they’re playing for (is it the Cronje-Bookies trophy?).
South Africa started brightly, by getting to 152-1, with Bear-like fuckhead, Matthew Hayden wannabe, hitting 69, and Hashim Amla continuing his good run of late (live average of 76.75), with a 51.
They then fell apart and lost the other 9 wickets for 113.
Ashwell (i’m f8cking tedious, me) Prince, carried on in the style we’ve become accustomed too, of late, and now averages 11.5 for the tour. Evil Morne Morkel averages more!
Ishant Sharma, after a shocking start, spraying it around left, right and unfortunately not centre, ended up with 3-55. Harbhajan Singh took 3-53, and was backed up by Sehwag & Yuvi with their part time spinners.
Sreesanth, the shithead crazy fool, is still fucking rotten though. Averaging 88 with the ball. Now when you look at that compared to any of the Saffer quicks, you’ll see that it’s pony and trap.
Morkel averages 45, Ntini, 21 & Steyn 18.
This should be the sort of pitch, that Indian batsman thrive on, but it’s not going to be easy. They’ll be facing probably the best fast bowling attack in world cricket at the minute, and the pitch seems to have all sorts of Gremlins. SA really need to get their lines right though, as they only have Harris for spin, if the seamers fail.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Brian Lara, Cricket, hashim Amla, india, Neil Mackenzie, South Africa, suave, Virender Sehwag
“I say, capital innings, what?”
That phrase comes from Samir Chopra at Eye On Cricket.
It was a cracking innings, but it was played on a road. Fancy being a bowler in the subcontinent? Where innings regularly hit 500? No thank you very much….
Viru did very well, but he should have gone on to break Lara’s record. On that track Lara would have scored a eleventymillion runs. And that’s a fact!
What else happened this weekend? Nothing really, Amla scored more runs, Neil Mackenzie too. The result was utterly predictable, with a scoreboredraw thing.
Can’t we get groundsman (or as you wacky southern hemisphere types like to say, curators) to create pitches that do a bit for both?
Please for the love of god, no-one wants to see eleventythousand runs in a game, with no chances.. We need the bowlers involved too.
Suave has now moved into Suave Mansion II, and has just employed a team of Manilla tailors, to look after the Suave wardrobe.
So that’s nice.
In other cricket news, err there isn’t any.
I haven’t seen any cricket, and I don’t get Sky til the 12th April, so won’t be able to watch any.
Never fear though, I shall plagiarise others work, and pass it off as my own, in the meantime.
No i’m not.
No I am.
Ha ha, had you there for a minute didn’t I?!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: AB De Villiers, Anil Kumble, Ashwell Prince, Cricket, Dale Steyn, Greame Smith, Harbhajan Singh, hashim Amla, india, Jacques Kallis, Makhaya Ntini, Mark Boucher, Morne Morkel, MS Dhoni, Neil Mackenzie, Paul Harris, Rahul Dravid, RP Singh, Sachin tendulkar, Six Word Reviews, Sourav Ganguly, South Africa, Sree Sreesanth, Virender Sehwag, VVS Laxman, Wasim Jaffer
As yesterdays six word review of The England & New Zealand went down so well, I shall continue..
Today, I enter the realms of the subcontinent to poetically describe the Indians and South Africans.
Greame Smith: Bear like opener, flat track bully
Neil Mackenzie: Shitting old fella, good on roads.
Hashim Amla: Bearded wonder Jrod hates to watch.
Jacques Kallis: Think of him having sex, disgusting!
Ashwell Prince: Boring c*nt, IPL didn’t want him.
A B De Villiers: God botherer, lives with evil Morkels.
Mark Boucher: Best keeper in world cricket? Maybe..
Morne Morkel: Sounds like a super villain, evil.
Paul Harris: Like Tufnell, marginally better with bat
Dale Steyn: Quick, makes bangladesh cry for mummy
Makhaya Ntini: Definitely not a rapist, no siree.
Virender Sehwag: Batshit batsman, smashes quicks for fun
Wasim Jaffer: Done by a jaffer, not again!!
Rahul Dravid: The Wall, like watching paint dry.
Sachin Tendulkar: Little Master likes Aussie attacks. Genius.
Sourav Ganguly: Lord Snooty. Up his own arse.
VVS Laxman: Graceful, batters aussies, everyone loves that!
Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Swashbuckling keeper, likes young lads, oooh!
Anil Kumble: Former official god, doesn’t turn it.
Harbhajan Singh: Mouthy twat, should concentrate on bowling!!
RP Singh: Suave looking, swings it both ways.
Sree Sreesanth: Mentalist, proper fucking loony. Bowl, Idiot!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Chaminda Vaas, Chris Gayle, Cricket, Cricket With Balls, England, hashim Amla, india, IPL, New Zealand, South Africa
The test series in India is underway, and South Africa have been b0wled out for 540. What a surprise, another sub-continental flat track, with nothing at all in it for the bowlers. No seam, swing, spin or bounce. Wank I tell ya. Who would want to be a bowler on the subcontinent.
The nail in Dean Jones’ coffin (hooray!) scored an impressive 159. He would have gone on to much more, if he hadn’t been sold down the river by Mark Boucher. He never looked like getting out.
Darryl Cullinan had this to say about the young buck: “I said before this Test started that he would be the pick of the batsmen on both sides and I am anticipating a very good tour for Amla”
India in reply, are currently 35-0 from 6 overs. They are currently smashing Ntini and Steyn to all parts. You’d have to feel sorry for Paul Harris, he’s going to have to do an awful lot of work today.
Sri Lanka have won their first ever test in the West Indies. The West Indies nearly managed to save the game, but unfortuantely for Chris Gayle, he ran out of partners.
Jrod thinks that Chris Gayle is cooler than most, but I’m starting to change my mind about him.
He’s losing his bottle at the top of the order, and twice in the last few test matches has demoted himself down the order. Yesterday he did it, because he didn’t want to face Chaminda Vaas with the new ball.
“It’s no secret. Yes, he has got me out the majority of times in Test cricket whenever I play against Sri Lanka. It’s something you have to face and something you have to deal with. I tried something different, tried something new, coming a bit later when the ball is a bit older, and it worked. But I don’t know if I’m going to do it in the next game.”
He averages 16.3 against the Sirils, and 1.42 against Vaasy. That my friend is a bunny!
In other news, NZ’s administracats have allowed five of their squad, due to travel to The England, to miss the first two weeks of their warm-up tour, to play in the IPL.
Brilliant, because there’s nothing like getting used to swinging, damp conditions in The England in May, where the ball will be hooping round corners, by playing 20/20 cricket on fucking flat roads in India!!!