Suave's Republique Cricket

Suave is away
February 28, 2008, 4:00 pm
Filed under: Bad Light

I will be away now fot the weekend for a memorial service

So there will be no updates until Monday.

Until then, toodle pip!

The England, in “we’re shit shocker”

Please go away, Wing Commander.  You won’t like Suave when he’s angry, and you’re making him very angry!

Andrew bloody Strauss, failed miserably, AGAIN!!!

Unfortunately, so did everyone else, bar Kevin Pieterson who scored 50 of The Englands total of 131.

131 against a team of also-rans, never will be’s, and Iain O’Brien.

Fucking shit, that.

Then we come to the enigma that is Stephen J Harmison.

I’ve decided that I’m going to cut his fucking hands off, and mail them to his wife and four kids.

Shit heap, wanker. The man can’t bowl anymore. Give it up Steve, fuck off home to your missus, and let someone who has a radar have a go.

That said, Tremlett wasn’t much better.

Look’s like it should be pretty boy Broad. At least he’ll look like he’s trying.

Also, let’s pray to WG Grace that Ryan Sidebottom is fit before the first test.

I woke up in a bad mood today, and this is making me angrier than hell.

I bought tickets to the first test against New Zealand at Lords yesterday, and for the last test against South Africa at The Oval, and I feel like burning them all.

Time for a coffee and a calm down, me thinks!

World News Today

I’m gonna smash you up, behind the bikesheds, ya flamin drongo!

Matthew Hayden is still a bear like, orphan eating fuck head. He called Harbajhan Singh an “obnoxious little weed”, and then offered a gangly 19yr old to a boxing match.. ooh, tough guy! Proper school bully like, that.

“I don’t like what you said to me, so I’m gonna biff you up”.

What happened to “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD”

God bothering twat.

And please, can we all stop complaining about sledging. It’s part of the game, and always will be.

Do as Michael Vaughan did, in 2005. Ricky Ponting was sledging him as he came in to bat, and he retorted “Who the fuck do you think you are, Steve Waugh”. It shut him up, and they moved on.

King Cricket summed up the situation rather nicely, I thought.

This is a quote so beautiful, we couldn’t believe our eyes when we first read it. It’s BCCI secretary Niranjan Shah in response to Ishant Sharma’s fine for aggressive behaviour and it’s so good it’s getting a paragraph of its own and appearing in italics.

“Basically the Australian players are starting the whole thing.”

‘But they started it.’ Has there ever been a stronger defense than that. That ALWAYS works, doesn’t it?

During the next match, we fully expect Ricky Ponting to fire his finger into the air when Australia are in the field and shout ‘TELLING’, before marching off to find a figure of authority.

Andrew Strauss looks as though he’ll play in the first test against New Zealand, after proving that he’s in the form of his life, by scoring 4 from 25.
I can only hope that he fails against the Dunedin XI, and the selectors finally realise he’s FUCKING SHIT!!!!

I’m feeling the rage today, so there’s every chance I’ll go postal, with Geoff Miller. Geoff Miller will be talking to people in the third person, through a wired jaw, if Strauss does play.

Bradley Hogg has retired, which means that I will no longer have to put up with that fucking retarded tongue, haunting my dreams.

How on earth could a woman have sex with a man that leaves his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, every time he does anything that requires effort.

Here endeth the rant.

The England, looking alright.
February 26, 2008, 1:32 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , ,

The England, had a nice little knock about in the park, against the NZ Invitational XI.

They batted first, and reached 369 all out.

Some nice innings from Cook, Shah & Bell.

Cook scored 85 from 81 balls, so it must have been a belter of a pitch.

Wing Commander, showed what a useless twat he is, buy smacking his off stump with a bat.
Not in an angry way, like the West Indies did back in the 70’s, but a “look at me, I’m a St Trinians hockey player”, kind of way!

Wing Commander’s rather fetching in a skirt!

Vaughan looked sumptuous again, by all accounts, before getting out on 27.

Bell had a laugh and retired on 75. Shah scored 96 lovely runs, that were in no way wristy (no confirmation bias on this site, i’ll have you know!!), before trying to slog sweep for his century.

Then came the bowlers, who had the NZ XI in real trouble, at 26/5.  Hoggard looking like the best swing bowler in world cricket, Harmison took 2-41 off 10 overs, and even Jimmy Anderson, took wickets…

Although to be fair to the young fella, he has been better in tests this year.

My money is firmly on The England for this test series, and my XI is thus…

Broad (replaceable by Oh hairy one, if recovered in time)

Stanford 20/20 and my new favourite friend
February 26, 2008, 11:34 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , ,

I saw a fair bit of cricket this weekend, and I’m trying to catch up on it, as it enters my tiny little mind.

After all the hoohaa of the IPL last week, it was back to the big moneyed Texan, with the strange love for a game, that 99.99999 of his fellow compatriats have no idea exists.

The Stanford 20/20 finals took place at the weekend.

The final was between Trinidad & Tobago and Jamaica.

T&T, captained by the classy looking (although rarely productive), Darren Ganga. Jamaica were captained by the big fella, Chris Gayle.

One had a team of almighty sloggers, and 90mph bowlers.  One had a team of nudgers and nurdlers, and wiley spin bowlers.

Trinidad & Tobago won the toss and put Jamaica in to bat.

Strangely, Chris Gayle, the only player in history to score a T20 100, decided to keep himself in the pavillion.  From all accounts, since his injury in Saffer land, he’s been dog shit.

T&T opened with a pace bowler and a leggie.

It started off poorly for Jamaica, with Emrit taking a wicket with his second ball, Findlay going for a wild slog, and nicking behind, for an easy take for Ramdin.

Ganga went for a Martin Crowe, and Badree bowled the first four overs.  The leggie, who was reminiscent of Kumble (in style) bowled brilliantly, taking 1-12 off four overs.

Samuels looked shit and still managed to score 27.

But my new favourite fella is Dave Mohammed.

Look at me mummy, I did a poopie!

A left arm chinaman, who like The Atheist, is one cool motherfucker!

He took 4-20, and was top wicket taker for the tournament, taking 12 scalps in all.

His celebrations however, are what makes him my new favourite fella.

The first wicket, of Chris Gayle, got the spinner wiggling his hips, like a rude boy.

Then the took the wicket of Hyatt, who was done in the flight, and stranded about half way down the wicket..

Mohammed, took off his shoe, and pretended to make a phone call with it..
He later said that, this was him telling Hyatt to pick the phone up in the pavillion, as he wasn’t taking any further part.

He did a diving roll, with praise for his imaginary friend at the end.

He won a share of a million dollars, and also man of the match. Not a bad days work that.

Jamaica were bundled out for 91.

T&T bashed that off in 9 overs, for the loss of one wicket, and became a million dollars richer.

This was a good day to be a T&T fan!

Sri Lanka in “we’re shit in pyjamas”, shocker!

Hubba hubba hubba…  I hope she’s not shit in pyjamas.

(Miss Sri Lanka 2006, Jacqueline Fernandez

Bloody nora…

Sri lanka, are worse than everybody at one day cricket!!

How can a team with Jayawardene, King Kumar, Murali, Malinga & Vaas, be so poor in this series?

They seem to have lost the ability to bat, for any length of time. If King Kumar or Jayawardene fail, the whole team does.

Chamara Silva looked promising, Dilshan flatters to deceive, and the rest of them are shit.

Jayasuriya, come in now, your time is up.. Poor old benevolent Uncle, he should be put out to pasture now.

They just haven’t been able to keep up, with an unusually poor ‘Strayan side (although them damn aussies keep winning), and a fairly strong Indian side.

The yoofs in this Indian side, are coming on a real treat.. Ishant Sharma continues to look dangerous, taking four wickets today. Praveen Kumar also looks like a tidy bowler.

fast bowling, hardest game in the world, 30 years man and boy.

The slightly worrying thing for India, is what in hell has happened to Munaf Patel!!!!

I watched his first ever test match, against The England, and he ripped us apart, taking seven wickets..

He had good line and length, pace, swing, both normal and reverse, he had toe crushing yorkers, he probably had a massive schlong, the best looking girlfriend, and was really popular too!

But now, fuck my old boots, the fella is ugly as sin, has a tiny weener, no one likes him, he can’t bowl yorkers, or swing the ball.

Seeing as the Aliens left the Tasman Devil, Ponting, this weekend, I reckon they’ve found a new home

More to come…
February 25, 2008, 9:26 am
Filed under: Bad Light | Tags: ,

A weekend of fantastic cricket..

For my sins, I now have a six hour technology roadmap meeting.

Which is almost as tedious as watching Jacques Kallis protect his average.

Or having to put up with fat, drunken, abusive kiwi cricketers, during your night shift.

I will post more, upon my return..

Toodle Pip.