Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Flintoff, Bangladesh, England, ICC, ICC Rankings, Jacob Oram, Jacques Kallis, New Zealand, odi, Shakib Al Hasan, South Africa, Stupid Cunts
Shakib Al Hasan is now top of the ICC’s ODI All-rounders list, ahead of Jacques Kallis, Andrew Flintoff and Jacob Oram.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the boy’s got talent, but top? fuck right off.
If you had to pick a guy to rescue an innings against top quality opposition, who would you pick?
If you had to choose a bowler to go for next to no runs on all wickets?
Someone to scare the bejeesus out of middle order batsman?
It ain’t fucking Shakib, I can tell you that much.
Come on now, we all know the ICC rankings are shit, but this takes the piss.
Filed under: Cricket, Fail, FailCricket, LOLCricket | Tags: aleem dar, Andrew Flintoff, epic fail, Fail, FailCricket, Jacques Kallis, King Cricket, LOLCricket
Dear King Cricket, the most anti-social of cricket bloggers has threatened to bounce me off the moon if I don’t create a FAIL Picture. Admittedly, he’d have to leave Manchester and talk to people to find me, so I’m sure I’ll be fine!
Alas, here it is, just for you. However, I’ve only made Jacques Kallis a Fail, rather than an Epic Fail, as the bowling he was facing, was of the highest quality you’re likely to see. Flintoff was on fire, and he had Kallis plumb in front, which alarmingly Dar turned down? Fred was pissed. There’s no finer bowler in world cricket than an angry Fred, with 30,000 people roaring him on!
Filed under: Cricket, LOLCricket | Tags: Bo Selecta, Cricket, Jacques Kallis, Shamone Jardim, Shamone Mutha Fucka, South Africa
Jacques Kallis’ girlfriend is called Shamone.
Shamone motha fucka, hee hee..
I’m a bad invisible teeth cutting out motha fucka, check yo’self!
That is all!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Bangalore Royal Challengers, Cricket, David Hussey, IPL, Jacques Kallis, Kolkata Knight Riders, Murali Kartik, Rahul Dravid, Shivnarine Chanderpaul, Shoaib Akhtar, Umar Gul
The IPL has officially started with Bangalore Royal Challengers v Kolkata Knight Riders at Bangalore.
Bangalore, who are officially “The Most Boring C*nts In The World”, really shouldn’t win a game in this tournament, with players like Dravid, Kallis & Chanderpaul.
Kolkata have lost the services of Shoaib Akhtar after his five year ban, but have Ishant Sharma & Umar Gul, the wily Murali Kartik and David Hussey.
As I’m on holiday, with little access to Internet, or results, I’ve got no f*cking idea who’s won.
I’ll guess it was Knight Riders, and they win by three wickets or thirty runs.
If I’m wrong, then the world is stupid.
If I’m right, then the world is ace, and everyone except me is a doodyhead.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Anil Kumble, Cricket, Greame Smith, Harbhajan Singh, india, Ishant Sharma, Jacques Kallis, MS Dhoni, Paul Harris, Saurav Ganguly, South Africa, Virender Sehwag
Well, Jrod got his prediction right, and India have won within three and half days, to draw the test series with South Africa.
MS Dhoni captained the Indians, in the absence of Anil Kumble. he performed rather well, I thought. He had Singh open the bowling, which worked a treat.
As expected, on a pitch that’s slow, with uneven bounce, and a raging turner, Harbhajan Singh performed admirably. Virender Sehwag also proved an excellent support act, after the little leggy, Chawla (must have been busy with his lusty thoughts, all leggies are lusty, some lusties are leggies, therefore all leggies are lusty, or some such gubbins), proved to be shit.
Viru’s first delivery of his first spell, ripped, spat, bit, called Kallis’ lovemaking in to question, molested his sister, fornicated with his Aunty, and had him caught off the glove by Jaffer.
Not bad for a part-time off-spinner. No lust there, offies are not lusty. They’re dusty,
Heroes & Villains
Saurav Ganguly. His first innings 87 really was outstanding, and gave India the lead they needed to turn over the chokers.
Virender Sehwag. Just because. No more needs to be said.
Ishant Sharma. For being a gangly freak, who bowls nicely and looks like a praying mantis.
MS Dhoni. For being captain marvel, and saving India’s blushes with some inspired skippering.
The whole South African team, for being South african.
Paul Harris. For being a worse spinner than India’s part timers. Fucking hell man, you get paid to SPIN and take wickets. On a raging turner, with uneven bounce, most spinners would be looking at four or five wickets per innings. He took 4-147. Wanker.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: AB De Villiers, Dale Steyn, Gary Kirsten, india, Irfan Pathan, Jacques Kallis, King Cricket, Makhaya Ntini, MS Dhoni, Rahul Dravid, RP Singh, Sachin tendulkar, Sourav Ganguly, South Africa, Sree Sreesanth, Virender Sehwag, VVS Laxman, Wasim Jaffer
India, after capitulating so terribly on the first day’s play, have metaphorically been handed their arses on a plate, by an angry South Africa.
I reckon they were pissed off at having to bowl for three days on a shitty road, in the last test match. No fast bowler likes that sort of thing.
So they took their frustrations out on India in this one.
India have lost by an innings at 90 runs, inside three days. Ha!! That’s appalling. (To any of my Indian viewers, feel free to abuse me all you like, if SA do the same to The England, in this summers forthcoming test series!)
All round, this is a shoddy performance, from an overworked side. These guys should be looking for a rest after this test series, but they won’t get one, as the greedy f*ckers have all jumped on the IPL’s big bucks wagon..
Vehement letter C denier, A B De Villiers, scored a superb double century, and was ably supported by the most boring batsmen, ever to have lived, Jacques Kallis (close run thing between Kallis and Boycott, but Boycott edges him out, by being a funny old bastard).
The best quick in world cricket at present, Dale Steyn also took 8 wickets in the match, with superb pace bowling. He mixes his length, pace, and angles superbly, and looks so much smarter than most other quicks. He’s got about three different paced bouncers, which is horrible to face as batsman. Averaging 21.41 with a strike rate of 35. Scarily good.
Makhaya (I never touched her) Ntini. A good display from their most experienced bowler, with six important wickets in the match.
Irfan Pathan. Ended the match with 64 no. Two innings, not out both times. However, like the rest of the Indian fasts, he was poor with the ball.
The Indian top four. Jaffer, Sehwag, Dravid & Laxman. 109 runs from two innings, from that quartet of quality. That’s shit, with a capital SHIT!
The Indian pace attack. Sreesanth, RP Singh & Pathan. Three quick bowlers took 2 for 249. Compare that to South Africa’s quartet, who took 19 for 309, and you see where it all went wrong.
Gary Kirsten has a shit load of work to do before the final test, if India are to salvage a drawn series here. They will be missing Sachin again, so the top four really need to step up. Sehwag’s OK, after his mammoth score last test, but Jaffer, Dravid & Laxman need to start scoring big, and scoring at a decent clip.
Their fast bowlers look out of sorts, RP Singh especially, he’s looked shit in both of these test matches, and really needs to up his game, to return to the form he showed against The England last summer.