Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, England, epic fail, Fail, fail pictures, Lords, Ricky Ponting
I don’t think anything else needs to be said here, does it?
Ricky Ponting FAIL!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Flintoff, Andrew Strauss, Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, Cricket, England, Greame Swann, james anderson, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior, Monty Panesar, Nathan Hauritz, paul collingwood, Ravi Bopara, Six Word Reviews, stuart broad
Here we are again, with Suave’s six word reviews. Australia to come this afternoon.
Piss poor captaincy, shit with bat.
Fucking piss-weak, public school cunt.
Outwitted, then fucked over by Doctrove
Look at me, stupid ego cunt.
Gritty street fighter, better than spinners
looks OK, no smashing just yet.
Bowled into ground, now fucking crocked.
Can’t bowl for shit, find length!!!
Worse than Hauritz. One funny fucker.
Batting supremo. Pitch it up, wanker!
Too quick, no variation, soon gone.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, Cricket, football, Philosophy
My philosophy about cricket is to rant and scream and bash any and all fuckers who play badly, whilst representing their countries.
Luckily, not everyone is an angry fuckface, like me. These fella’s seem cool.
THE PHILOSOPHY OF CRICKET The self-styled ‘sporting outfitters of intellectual distinction’ at Philosophy Football find quotes from philosophers about football and slap them on a T-shirt with name and squad number added.
This summer they have launched a their philosophy cricket range with opening bat CB Fry’s musings on cricket as a philosophy. As a cricketer CB Fry captained both Sussex and England. A gifted footballer too, he played professionally for Southampton and Portsmouth, making his England debut in 1901.
For a time he was also holder of the world record for the long jump. A superbly gifted cricket writer and academic off the pitch CB politically managed to combine standing unsuccessfully for Parliament as a Liberal Party candidate with the bizarre idea ideas that if Germany could be persuaded to play England at test cricket WW2 might be avoided.
The T-shirt is available from www.philosophyfootball.com with the search now on for other cricket quotes for T-shirted immortalisation.
Go visit them, and make yourself look Suave too.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes 2009, Barnes CC, Cricinfo, Cricket Blogger Ashes, Cricket With Balls, Everyman, Everyman Cancer Charity, Insitute of Cancer Research, Line & Length, Patrick Kidd, the village cricketer, The Wisden Cricketer, Times Online
The Village Cricketer’s English All Stars v Cricket with Balls Aussie Code of Conduct XI
Monday 29th June 2009, 3.30pm start
Barnes Cricket Club, Lonsdale Road, London SW13 9QL
England, 5th June 2009: The Village Cricketer today announced the line up of English All Stars for the pre-Ashes charity cricket match in aid of the Everyman Male Cancer Campaign, and issued a stark warning to the descendents of convicts and colonists that will be turning out for the Cricket with Balls Aussie Code of Conduct XI, turn up and lose!
On Monday 29th June 2009, the great and good of the English and Australian online cricket worlds will gather at Barnes CC, London, for a charity cricket match held to raise awareness of and funds for the Everyman male cancer campaign, part of the Institute of Cancer Research. The match is played as part of Everyman’s Male Cancer Awareness Month.
The Village Cricketer confidently predicts that his side – The Village Cricketer’s English All Stars – will win the best of one series 1 – 0.
“The English All Stars is a team of hugely talented, exciting and above all modest Englishmen. It is very simple, with this side we cannot lose,” said The Village Cricketer. “The Aussie Code of Conduct XI will be jetlagged or hungover. We are going to deliver a Pomme-wash to the travelling Canary Yellows, delivering a trouncing that will help the England side proper carry momentum into the Ashes.”
The Village Cricketer’s English All-Stars XI:
The Village Cricketer
Ed Craig, The Wisden Cricketer
Suave of Suave’s Republique Cricket
Phil Johnson, Freelance cricket writer
Patrick Kidd, The Times
Nigel Henderson, Legendary cricket writer
Andrew Miller, Cricinfo
Sam Stow, All Out Cricket
Simon Jones (look-a-like)
Steven Croft (play-a-like)
Alan Mullally (leftarm-a-like)
To make a donation in support of this event please visit the Justgiving page.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, county cricket, Cricket, England, James Tredwell, Jimmy Adams, Jon Lewis, middlesex, Mike Hussey, Phil Hughes, Philip Hughes, The England
Please stop the wankfest over Hughes’ county stint please.
Most of the runs he scored were in the County Championship 2nd division. This is a division where the leading wicket takers are Jon Lewis & James Tredwell.
Those old fuckers weren’t even good enough to hold down a spot in The England’s ODI side, and they’re proper fucking pony.
So can we stop with the cock sucking please. He smashed around a load of has-beens and never will be’s.
I’m not saying that the fella hasn’t got talent. He has. He’s averaging 69 in both test and FC cricket. Not bad, I think you’ll agree..
What I will say, is that Jimmy Adams averaged 87 after 12 tests, and Mike Hussey averaged 80 at the start of 2008 and is now averaging 55 (to be fair that’s still higher than any current The England batsman).
If, after the ashes he’s still averaging high 60’s, then fairly do’s, lick the boy’s testicles all you like. Allow him to roger you roughly with bananas from his daddy’s farm, but let’s not get stupid, eh…
Now fuck off.
Being a Suave fellow, I’m horrified, I say horrified at what I’ve just seen on Sky Sports News.
I know Phil Hughes is young, but there’s never an excuse to be wearing an ill fitting suit, with a shirt that has seventies style collars opened wide, to expose the chest hair. That and the two diamond earrings, have sent my Suave sensibilities absolutely bandy..
Fucking hell, can’t someone teach the little bogan banana farmer to dress properly!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, Brad Haddin, Ricky Ponting, Shane Watson, Stuart Clark
So 50 days to go.
One of the young lackeys has a bright idea “hey boss, why don’t we ask someone to bake a cake to celebrate that fact”.
“Good idea junior, it’ll look great for the photo’s, get on it!”.
What you get back is a shower of shit, with someone putting an upside down 20, instead of a 50 on the top.
Fuck my old boots, did you not expect anyone to notice?! Dumb cunts.
That is all.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Symonds, Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, England, Matthew Hayden, orphan eating bear like fuckhead, The England
If there’s one fella The England didn’t want to have to face this year, for The Ashes, it was Andrew Symonds.
We hate him, because he’s good. He loves to smash a Pom.
In the last ashes series, Symonds came good in test match cricket. The England had fuck all on the board, in the 4th test, and Australia started their 1st innings, trying to get an imposing lead. Suddenly Freddie fired up, and The England had Australia at 83/5. In came Symonds, and along with OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, destroyed The England. They put on 279 at over 4rpo, and destroyed any hopes of gettting a consolation win.
So we salute you ‘Strayan administracats, for sending the ginger in his place.