Suave's Republique Cricket


Jimmy Fucking Anderson
Fuck me the boy's got good!!

Please be good against the big boys Jimmy!

Somewhere along the lines, my thought process has changed.  Not necessarily for the better to be fair.

I used to hate Greame Smith, now I don’t mind him.

I spent many long hours wanting to smash Jimmy Anderson’s head in, now I don’t.

This is perturbing.

Alas, as we get older, we grow wiser.  Well some of us.  By us,  I mean you lot, not me, obviously, or Ian Botham, we’re both pickle brained fucknuts, but I digress.

I now believe we have a good opening bowler.

This is a man who has learnt to swing the ball both ways at pace.

That my friends, is fucking dangerous.

He averaged 29.84 for 2008, and is currently averaging 26.85 for 2009.   Pretty good figures them.

But, before Ceci jumps on me, for hypocrisy (I rather bagged him back in March over at the Lovely King Cricket).  Let’s look at his averages again.

Since 2006/7 Ashes.

Series Average Strike Rate
Aus v Eng

82.6

112

Eng v Ind

35.5

62.7

Eng v SL

83.5

116

NZ v Eng

35.57

44.2

Eng v NZ

19.31

32.6

Eng v SA

33.93

69.3

Ind v Eng

53.5

109.5

WI v Eng

38

86

Eng v WI

17.72

35.1

Home

37.992

63.14

Away

52.418

87.925

Overall

44.403

74.155556

Still not good enough I’m afraid..

Compare his stats to Mitchell Johnson, or Dale Steyn, or Ishant Sharma, or Shane Bond, or Peter Siddle.  He doesn’t compare.

I want fast/swing bowling that actually smashes peoples jaws, stumps and batsman’s confidence.

Jimmy’s not there yet.  I hope he gets there, because it’ll be a blast seeing him uprooting off-stumps of Aussies this summer, but he’s yet to do anything significant against any of the top 5.

It’s all well and good smashing Kiwi’s & Windies players who don’t want to be here, but can you smash the Aussies or the Saffers (who we face this winter).

That’ll be the true test of his character.

So I’ll hold out on the Jimmy Anderson Wankfest until early 2010 if you don’t mind.



How to bring down Sehwagology, Part I
Danny V was fast as lightning!

Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting...

How do you get rid of Lord Sehwag, when he’s in great nick?

Ask Daniel Vettori, The Geek of Tweak!   According to this photo, it’s Kung Fu.

If you wanna bring down the big man, get the auld Bruce Lee skills out.

Danny V obviously has the skillz to pay the billz, and got Our Lord with some martial art madness!

So bowlers of the world, get down to your local Dojo’s and get training.  It’s the only way!



Best ODI All-rounder? Really?!
Fuck off, he's not that good.

Fuck off, he's not that good.

Shakib Al Hasan is now top of the ICC’s ODI All-rounders list, ahead of Jacques Kallis, Andrew Flintoff and Jacob Oram.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the boy’s got talent, but top?  fuck right off.

If you had to pick a guy to rescue an innings against top quality opposition, who would you pick?

If you had to choose a bowler to go for next to no runs on all wickets?

Someone to scare the bejeesus out of middle order batsman?

It ain’t fucking Shakib, I can tell you that much.

Come on now, we all know the ICC rankings are shit, but this takes the piss.



Lord Megachief Of Gold
December 19, 2008, 10:29 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , ,
He bats and bats and bats.

He bats and bats and bats.

Super Shiv on his way to a hundred, to underline his status as one of The Almighty Holy Trinity!

If one fails the others will deliver, for it is written in the bottom of your beer glass.

Worship at his Krabby Shrine.



Good luck our kid..
December 5, 2008, 6:12 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,
Legspin, it's cooler than you are.

Legspin, it's cooler than you are.

North Middlesex CC’s overseas player from 2008, Tarun Nethula, has made the cut for Auckland Aces, in the West Indies three day tour match, prior to the Windies upcoming test/ODI series against New Zealand.

Which is great news.  Not only is he a talented cricketer, but he’s a bloody good chap as well.

He bowls leg-spin, (I kept wicket too him for a friendly last season) which we all know is as cool as it gets, and he’s a handy lower order bat too.

Doesn’t look as though he’s going to get a bat in this innings, as Auckland were 359-2 on day 1, so we’ll be watching out for his bowling performance…

Let’s hope he has a blinder, because we need more leg-spinners in world cricket!



New Zealand – Still Shit!

Iain O’Brien in his blog yesterday said, There is a quote that goes, “you are sure of three things in life, taxes, death and runs at Adelaide.” Yet New Zealand made 203 all out, and Brendan McCullum scored 83no of those runs.

What the fuck were the rest of the team doing?  This is a pitch that Michael Clarke scored a century on, without one of his higher order players scoring a century before him, which is so rare, it’s like a blue moon, and a pitch that Brad Haddin scores a century on?  Rubbish, absolute shite.

I’ve read in a few pieces today, that Jamie How was unlucky, as Punter pulled off an absolute blinder to remove him, but that’s bollocks,  if he middled it, it wouldn’t have been caught, know what I mean friend!

That sort of wisdom is what makes me such a cricketing superpower.

Also, Brett Lee took five wickets, and at the moment you’ve got to be absolute cocking shit for that halfwit to take ONE wicket, let alone five!

So I reckon we’ll be seeing the Kiwis back at the bottom of the original test match team league after that shocker.

We now have the exciting prospect of a proper bit of competition, with South Africa due to play the first test against Australia on the 17th December.  Now that will be a test…

In summary, Australia look ordinary, New Zealand look shit.



What’s that all about then?

Cor blimey guv, it’s all going off aint it.

Fucking bombs galore, hostages, and the terrists want us plucky Brits.

I can’t understand it?  It’s as if we’ve been fucking around in their region’s politics for hundreds of years, subjugating their subjects, and denouncing the whole of their religion as evil or summat.

Next you’ll be telling me that the French don’t like us?!

Lucky it’s not Pakistan, or no foreigner would ever step foot in the country again!   It’s OK though Lalit Modi, the evil genius, reckons we will be playing the test match series, and that’s that.  Based on his previous, I reckon the auld bastard knows a few coercien techniques.  So KP beware!!!

Also, they’ve cancelled the IPL & ICL, and the test series is on, so all that guff about the death of test cricket has just been turned on its head.  It’s the death of pointless 20/20 tournaments!  Huzzah!!

Enough bad news kids, Suavey’s home!

What the fuck is all this bollocks about a fitness race.  I keep seeing this headline (especially just now, with the Krezja/Hauritz selection dilemma), and it’s raised a few questions in Suave’s superhuman brainbox.

  • What is a fitness race?
  • How many people are involved in it, is it just Hauritz and Krezja?
  • What distance is it over?
  • Who holds the Worlds record?
  • What happens if the unfit guy happens to be quicker than the fit guy, even when injured?  Imagine a fitness race between a fit Eddo Brandes and an injured Jimmy Anderson….
  • Where does it take place, and can I watch it?  Also can I bet on it?
  • Why is the race between Krezja and Hauritz, when Marcus North is the best spinner in Sheffield Shield cricket this season.  The fact that North is averaging 53 with the bat, should probably give him some sort of mention in the selection meeting, no?
  • Surely a race is unfair on the bloke who’s injured?
  • What if having the race does the fella in again?  Until we know the specifics of the race, this is a distinct possibility I tells ya.

As always, I DEMAND ANSWERS ADMINISTRACATS.  Or journalists, as you knobbies keep using the phrase.

Lastly, go to Iain O’Briens blog, he’s a fucking genius.