Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Flintoff, Andrew Strauss, Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, Cricket, England, Greame Swann, james anderson, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior, Monty Panesar, Nathan Hauritz, paul collingwood, Ravi Bopara, Six Word Reviews, stuart broad
Here we are again, with Suave’s six word reviews. Australia to come this afternoon.
Piss poor captaincy, shit with bat.
Fucking piss-weak, public school cunt.
Outwitted, then fucked over by Doctrove
Look at me, stupid ego cunt.
Gritty street fighter, better than spinners
looks OK, no smashing just yet.
Bowled into ground, now fucking crocked.
Can’t bowl for shit, find length!!!
Worse than Hauritz. One funny fucker.
Batting supremo. Pitch it up, wanker!
Too quick, no variation, soon gone.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Adil Rashid, Cricket With Balls, Darron Reekers, De Nederlanders, De Nederlands, Dirk Nannes, Dirty Dirk, England, fucktrog, Holland, Johann Cruyff, Jrod, Last of The Summer Whine, Len The Yorkshire Kitman, Luke Wright, Pakistan, Q, Ravi Bopara, ricky schroder, Rob Key, Ryan Ten Doeschate, stuart broad, Stuart MacGill, T20i, The England, The Netherlands, Tom De Grooth, Well Pitched, west indies
What the fuck happened there?!
Destiny, my friends, that’s what.
After mastering total football in the 70’s under Johan Cruyff, de Nederlanders have now decided to do the same in 20/20 cricket.
Watch out boys and girls, they were unstoppable (except by Ze Germans) at football during that time, and are bound to do the same to all and sundry in this 20/20 World Cup (luckily Ze Germans are not here). Never before has there been such a sublime display of a cricket, from a side wearing oranje.
Dirty Dirk bowled well, without any real penetration.
It was left to a couple of old blacksmiths to cause the damage. Darron Reekers who started off in big bludgeoning style, followed up by Tom De Grooth, who smashed The England all over Lords. Jrod loved it so much he almost threw up!
My man Ryan Ten Doeschate even got in on the act, a cracking allround display, with a red inker and taking the wickets of Ravi Bopara & Luke Wright.
The England have two young stars at the top of their order, and the rest are a bunch of cunts. Even Rob Key, the fat knacker.
The bowling, beyond the opening pair was shithouse. Rashid looked good against the West Indies, but was goes for too many runs. He reminds me of Stuart MacGill, long hops, full tosses and the odd unplayable delivery. No fucking good at 20/20, I’m afraid (and surely the fact that he doesn’t get in Yorkshire’s side, should have given them some idea, no?).
Stuart Broad couldn’t hit six stumps, the useless Ricky Schroder lookalike fucktrog.
I’m happy to lose to the Dutch though, because it might make this bunch of fuckfaced De Engelsen players actually learn to play proper 20/20 cricket. Hardly any of them actually play it, they’re learning the game in T20i’s.
Here’s to getting spanked by Pakistan on Sunday, and being out of the competition within 3 days! Good times, my friends!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, Alastair Cook, Ashes, australia, Brett Lee, Essex, Jason Gillespie, jimmy anderson, Kent, Michael Kasprowicz, Naked, Shaun Tait, stuart broad, Stuart MacGill, The England
Opening day of the 20/20 championship, and The Essex were down at Canterbury to face the lowly Kent.
Alastair Cook opens the innings.
Then it all gets weird.
He scored lots, and quickly. What the fuck is going on? I fear the end is nigh children. Bunker up, and await the Apocalypse.
80 from 56 balls. QUE?!
Strangely enough, I know he can do that more regularly. I watched him smash a double century at a run a ball, against Australia (Lee, Gillespie, Tait, MacGill, Kasprowicz) in 2005.
Why does he not do it more? Because he’s an eyeliner wearing little shitbag.. I’m hoping this is changing, and his bollocks have actually dropped.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ajantha Mendis, Andrew Flintoff, Church Of Sehwagology, Cricket, Gautam Gambhir, Kevin Pietersen, MS Dhoni, Muttiah Muralitharan, Nathan Bracken, odi, Sehwagology, Sohail Tanvir, stuart broad, Virender Sehwag, Younis Khan, Yuvraj Singh
Top run scorer, firenghi lookalike, allround 2008 superstar.
Again, if you disagree, I will come down on you harder than the Spanish Inquisition!
Averaged 54, with a strike rate of 94. Top batting against subcontinental superstars this year.
Captained The England to a magnificent series win against South Africa, whilst smashing them everywhere. Is about the only player in The England who can actually play botf formats of the game.
Annoying prick. Destroyer of The England. Averaged 108 against us. Useful left arm filth too.
MS Dhoni (Wk) Capt.
Winner. Of. The. World.
Along with Pietersen, mangled South Africa. Averaged 50 with the bat, and 21 with the ball in 2008. That is stunningly good.
Breakthrough year for Ricky Schroder, took 32 wickets at 25 and averages over 20 with the bat. A good solid no 8.
Consistently Australia’s best ODI bowler. 31 wickets at 18. If only he didn’t look like a fucking girl.
Brilliant in all short forms of the game. Bowls off the wrong foot, weird windmill action, and looks like an actionman.
What can you say about a man who took 48 wickets at 10.16. Just freakishly good. He’ll get worked out soon, and that average will rise, but don’t expect it to rise too much. This boy has a world of talent.
Probably the only year in the last 10 that this fella didn’t make it into my side. But if it was a spinning track, I’d go with two spinners, and he’d be second choice.
Come on, who searched for this? Whomsoever you are, this is for you!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Flintoff, jimmy anderson, Matt Prior, Steve Harmison, stuart broad
How fucking dare they… That’s what I say.
How very dare they have a perfect ODI. Bowl the opposition out for under a hundred and knock off the score for no wickets down. Dirty The English Bastards!
Seriously, I’m happy as a pig in shit. What a performance. Stuart Broad was world class, his line and length were McGrath like, and the boy ran and ran and ran until he looked like he was going to be sick. Then you had Fred & Harmison bowling quick and dangerously at the other end. I’d rather not face that me sen.
The other massive positive was Matt Prior. His keeping was exceptional, and the catch he took away to his left was stunning (if he learns to do that to his right, he’s made). To follow it up with 45no, streaky, but the scorecards don’t say that. Top job foreign wanky wicky.
My only real concern is Jimmy Anderson though. Two games, 8 overs, 44 runs, at 5.5 an over. Carry on like that girly boy, and Suave’s a gonna smash ya!
I’m in all sorts of pain today, slightly less so than yesterday, but still, it’s making me angry. Today’s game, however has made the sun shine brightly. I finished work at 3.30 CET, which was when the game kicked off, I got four beers inside me, and The England have spanked the Saffers. Life is good. It’s difficult to be too angry after all that, but the rage is flowing; by flowing, I mean trickling. A nod is a good as a wink to a blind man, no what I mean?.
A big hello to Spearpoint, and an apology for not answering sooner, but you’re South African and nice, and that has confused me no end 😉
Now fuck off you ungrateful bastards.