Suave's Republique Cricket

Thank You ‘Strayan Selectors.
Symonds crying like a baby.

Symonds crying like a baby.

If there’s one fella The England didn’t want to have to face this year, for The Ashes, it was Andrew Symonds.

We hate him, because he’s good.   He loves to smash a Pom.

In the last ashes series, Symonds came good in test match cricket.  The England had fuck all on the board, in the 4th test, and Australia started their 1st innings, trying to get an imposing lead.  Suddenly Freddie fired up, and The England had Australia at 83/5.  In came Symonds, and along with OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, destroyed The England.  They put on 279 at over 4rpo, and destroyed any hopes of gettting a consolation win.

So we salute you ‘Strayan administracats, for sending the ginger in his place.

Have that you slags!
See how we slay all before us!

See how we slay all before us!

Have that you fuckers!!

After correctly predicting that Australia were piss-weak pansies (for those who don’t recall, it’s here.)

The Saffers proved how strong they are mentally, to defeat the Aussies, and chasing 414 in the fourth innings.   This is the second highest run chase of all time.  Pretty fucking good I’d say.

This brings me to Ricky Ponting.   Here’s some stuff others have written about the hairy little cockstick.  Jrod from the ever brilliant Cricket With Balls had this to say  “Excuse me Ricky“.

Also, take a look over at Beer & Sport, where Moses is in the mood for  a fight too!

What a prize cunt!

Firstly, he blamed the pitch.  Boo fucking hoo, the pitch was rubbish eh..  How come them dirty saffers could take 20 wickets on it?  Prick.

  • Maybe it’s picking two blokes with little or no first class experience, then putting them in against the two best sides in world cricket.  You’re honestly surprised that these fella’s didn’t bowl teams out?!  Fuck off dicksuck.
  • Maybe it’s because Brett Lee is weeping himself to sleep because his ex-wife is rooting someone with a bigger cock.  (I reckon your wife is too!)
  • Maybe it’s because you’re the worst captain in world cricket, and you’re finally being shown up for the half wit you really are.

All I can say is, there ain’t much love out there for you kid, so watch your back.. Know what I mean!

Things that I hate today.

IPL.. Fucking hurry up and get to the semi-final stage.  I’m fucked off with watching stupid Kallis and Dravid pretend they aren’t ancient.

Matthew Hayden.  This goes without saying.

Greame Smith.  For wanting to be Hayden.

Steve Harmison.  For breaking Hoggy’s thumb.

Chris Tremlett. For looking like he should kill people, but being a meek and mild twat.

Jimmy Anderson.  For being a useless twat for four balls an over, and looking great the other two.

Stuart Broad.  For believing his own hype.

Monty Panesar.  For being a starfish.

The England Selectors.  For not picking Adil Rashid.

The England Middle Order.  For not scoring any runs, and looking far too comfortable.

Mark Ramprakash.  Fucking hurry up and score that century, so we can all move on. Please!!

Fathead fails a fitness test


In the nicest bit of news I’ve heard in days, FatheadFlatTrackBully aka BearlikeOrphanEatingFuckHead aka Matthew Hayden, is unlikely to play in the first test at Sabina Park versus the West Indies, due to achilles tendon knack. 

Wankchops picked this injury up whoring himself for the Chennai Pikey’s Fags, in the IPL.  Serves him right, the odious twAT.

As you can probably tell, I’m back from mountain climbing (knacked from it too), so will crank up the work rate, whilst I can, as I’m also job hunting.

Love to all, except FatHead.

WTF? Where has the technique gone.

Recently I was moaning about 20/20, and the fact that it can make ordinary players look good.

My reasonining, is that the pitches have all been made flat as pancakes, and thre is little to offer for the bowlers.  No real spin, swing or seam.  This allows bludgeoners to look good, as they can just smash through the line of the ball.  They had one pitch that turned square and seamed, and all of the players called it a joke.  Wankers.  Can you honestly imagine someone like “The Bearlike, Orphan Eating, Fuckhead“, playing Jim Laker on an uncovered Old Trafford or The Oval?  THat fucker wouldn’t average any where near as much as he does now.

In county cricket yesterday, five matches were played, and 64 wickets were taken.

It was a glorious day, all over The ENgland.  The sun was shining, the weather was sweet, boy, makes me want to move, those dancing feet, to the rescue, here I am!

What the batsman failed to take into account, was that most pitches had enough juice in them, to make it very difficult.   Too many players were undone, by seam and swing.  On pitches like ours in The England, you need to expect it to move off the pitch and through the air!

Unfortunately, it seems that batsman have missed out on this playing straight, or playing late lark, and are being constantly exposed.

In Lancashire’s innings yesterday, they were all out for 143, on a pitch that wasn’t that bad.  All 10 wickets were catches.  You’d think that the Durham players would have had a look at the way the Lancs batsman played, and adjusted accordingly.  Alas no, they were fuckwits too, being bowled out for a miserable 114.

Somerset were similarly shit yesterday.

If the ball swings, seams or spins, most international players look ordinary.  Bring back juicy pitches, and make the fuckers learn to play properly!

For Miriam… LOLCricket

You Can Haz SloWalk To The Pavillion!