Suave's Republique Cricket


HA HA HA HA HA!
July 21, 2009, 1:47 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Photography comic genius!

I don’t think anything else needs to be said here, does it?

Ricky Ponting FAIL!



The Ashes 2009, First test, six word review

Here we are again, with Suave’s six word reviews.  Australia to come this afternoon.

Andrew Strauss

Piss poor captaincy, shit with bat.

Alastair Cook

Fucking piss-weak, public school cunt.

Ravi Bopara

Outwitted, then fucked over by Doctrove

Kevin Pietersen

Look at me, stupid ego cunt.

Paul Collingwood

Gritty street fighter, better than spinners

Matt Prior

looks OK, no smashing just yet.

Andrew Flintoff

Bowled into ground, now fucking crocked.

Stuart Broad

Can’t bowl for shit, find length!!!

Greame Swann

Worse than Hauritz.  One funny fucker.

James Anderson

Batting supremo.  Pitch it up, wanker!

Monty Panesar

Too quick, no variation, soon gone.



Symonds in “I’m still a drunken fuckwit” shocker
June 4, 2009, 11:53 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

Stupid fucktard

According to cackinfo,  Andrew Symonds has been sent home again, for more alcohol fuelled shenanigans.

Now this shouldn’t come as a surprise to many, because he is a Brummy, and they’re all piss soaked tramps.  That and the fact that he was brought up in ‘Straya, the home of fucking god awful weak lager.

Whenever he comes here, he drinks the same amount, and forgets that our beer is about fourteen times stronger. They don’t call it tanglefoot for now’t, you know.

This has got to be the last time he ever gets to pull on an Aussie jersey, hasn’t it?  This must be number 6002 in his sozzled history, and surely that’s enough for any one predator.

Will this weaken the ‘Strayan 20/20 side?  I’d say yes, he averages 48 with the bat and 34 with the ball in T20i’s, them’s shit hot numbers.

What I’m trying to say is…

HA FUCKING HA!

Australia are now officially shit again, and we can all laugh out loud at them.



Alastair Cook in “I can play in pyjamas” shocker.

Cook, Broad & Anderson Naked

Opening day of the 20/20 championship, and The Essex were down at Canterbury to face the lowly Kent.

Alastair Cook opens the innings.

Then it all gets weird.

He scored lots, and quickly.  What the fuck is going on?  I fear the end is nigh children.  Bunker up, and await the Apocalypse.

80 from 56 balls.  QUE?!

Strangely enough, I know he can do that more regularly.  I watched him smash a double century at a run a ball, against Australia (Lee, Gillespie, Tait, MacGill, Kasprowicz) in 2005.

Why does he not do it more?  Because he’s an eyeliner wearing little shitbag..   I’m hoping this is changing, and his bollocks have actually dropped.



Media wankfest #2
Good, but not that good... Yet...

Good, but not that good... Yet...

Dear media,

Please stop the wankfest over Hughes’ county stint please.

Most of the runs he scored were in the County Championship 2nd division.  This is a division where the leading wicket takers are Jon Lewis & James Tredwell.

Those old fuckers weren’t even good enough to hold down a spot in The England’s ODI side, and they’re proper fucking pony.

So can we stop with the cock sucking please.  He smashed around a load of has-beens and never will be’s.

I’m not saying that the fella hasn’t got talent.   He has.   He’s averaging 69 in both test and FC cricket.  Not bad, I think you’ll agree..

What I will say, is that Jimmy Adams averaged 87 after 12 tests, and Mike Hussey averaged 80 at the start of 2008 and is now averaging 55 (to be fair that’s still higher than any current The  England batsman).

If, after the ashes he’s still averaging high 60’s, then fairly do’s, lick the boy’s testicles all you like.  Allow him to roger you roughly with bananas from his daddy’s farm, but let’s not get stupid, eh…

Now fuck off.

Update

Being a Suave fellow, I’m horrified, I say horrified at what I’ve just seen on Sky Sports News.

I know Phil Hughes is young, but there’s never an excuse to be wearing an ill fitting suit, with a shirt that has seventies style collars opened wide, to expose the chest hair.  That and the two diamond earrings, have sent my Suave sensibilities absolutely bandy..

Fucking hell, can’t someone teach the little bogan banana farmer to dress properly!



You cheap fuckers
May 20, 2009, 8:27 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , ,
You tight cunts, couldn't afford a five, eh?!

You tight cunts, couldn't afford a five, eh?!

So 50 days to go.

One of the young lackeys has a bright idea “hey boss,  why don’t we ask someone to bake a cake to celebrate that fact”.

“Good idea junior, it’ll look great for the photo’s, get on it!”.

What you get back is a shower of shit, with someone putting an upside down 20, instead of a 50 on the top.

Fuck my old boots, did you not expect anyone to notice?!  Dumb cunts.

That is all.



Thank You ‘Strayan Selectors.
Symonds crying like a baby.

Symonds crying like a baby.

If there’s one fella The England didn’t want to have to face this year, for The Ashes, it was Andrew Symonds.

We hate him, because he’s good.   He loves to smash a Pom.

In the last ashes series, Symonds came good in test match cricket.  The England had fuck all on the board, in the 4th test, and Australia started their 1st innings, trying to get an imposing lead.  Suddenly Freddie fired up, and The England had Australia at 83/5.  In came Symonds, and along with OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, destroyed The England.  They put on 279 at over 4rpo, and destroyed any hopes of gettting a consolation win.

So we salute you ‘Strayan administracats, for sending the ginger in his place.