Suave's Republique Cricket


How to bring down Sehwagology, Part II
Kung fu & dressing like The England.

Kung fu & dressing like The England.

As we learnt in part one, there are ways of getting Lord Sehwag out.

One, is Kung Fu.

The other, is to dress him up like he’s a The England player.

See what happens, get him in a navy blue & red outfit, and he automatically becomes shit.  Or maybe he’s scared of the

Fake IPL Player revealing his true identity as the one true Deity.

This may be lies, fabrications & half truths, but it’s a theory.  Just like creationism.



How to bring down Sehwagology, Part I
Danny V was fast as lightning!

Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting...

How do you get rid of Lord Sehwag, when he’s in great nick?

Ask Daniel Vettori, The Geek of Tweak!   According to this photo, it’s Kung Fu.

If you wanna bring down the big man, get the auld Bruce Lee skills out.

Danny V obviously has the skillz to pay the billz, and got Our Lord with some martial art madness!

So bowlers of the world, get down to your local Dojo’s and get training.  It’s the only way!



Suave is Watching you Poop.
January 19, 2009, 11:11 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

As I’m too busy to do owt like, I thought I’d pass these beauties on for you.. After visiting Watching You Poop, I thought I’d do a little one or two for you kids, just to let you know that Suave is always watching, even if he can’t always find the angry times.

He's got his eyes on your toilet habits!

He's got his eyes on your toilet habits!

He is all seeing!

He is all seeing!

I've got my eye on you sunshine!

I've got my eye on you sunshine!



ODI Team Of The Year 2008

Gautham Gambhir

Top run scorer, firenghi lookalike, allround 2008 superstar.

Virender Sehwag

Again, if you disagree, I will come down on you harder than the Spanish Inquisition!

Younis Khan

Averaged 54, with a strike rate of 94.  Top batting against subcontinental superstars this year.

Kevin Pietersen

Captained The England to a magnificent series win against South Africa, whilst smashing them everywhere.  Is about the only player in The England who can actually play botf formats of the game.

Yuvraj Singh

Annoying prick.  Destroyer of The England.  Averaged 108 against us.  Useful left arm filth too.

MS Dhoni (Wk) Capt.

Winner.  Of.  The.  World.

Andrew Flintoff

Along with Pietersen, mangled South Africa.  Averaged 50 with the bat, and 21 with the ball in 2008.  That is stunningly good.

Stuart Broad

Breakthrough year for Ricky Schroder, took 32 wickets at 25 and averages over 20 with the bat.  A good solid no 8.

Nathan Bracken

Consistently Australia’s best ODI bowler. 31 wickets at 18.  If only he didn’t look like a fucking girl.

Sohail Tanvir

Brilliant in all short forms of the game.  Bowls off the wrong foot, weird windmill action, and looks like an actionman.

Ajantha Mendis

What can you say about a man who took 48 wickets at 10.16.  Just freakishly good.  He’ll get worked out soon, and that average will rise, but don’t expect it to rise too much.  This boy has a world of talent.

12th Man

Muttiah Muralitharan

Probably the only year in the last 10 that this fella didn’t make it into my side.  But if it was a spinning track, I’d go with two spinners, and he’d be second choice.



Test Team Of The Year 2008

Greame Smith.

This should be obvious.  Scored shitloads of runs, is the best 4th innings batsman in world cricket.  If you had a run chase, you’d want this man in there.

Virender Sehwag.

Is the leader of the Church Of Sehwagology, and no more needs to be said.  Any that disagree on this selection, get burned at the stake like the witches they are!

Gautham Gambhir

Averaged over 70 for the year.   Was not out under 55mins once this year.  Scored at a clip of at least 3 rpo in every innings.

Kevin Pietersen

This was a tough choice.  It was either KP or Sachin.  Sachin’s probably appeared in a billion others top test team, so I went with KP.  KP averaged a couple of points higher, scored about 50 runs less, it was that close.  KP gets it, for being more innovative.  That switch hit, is a thing of beauty.

Shivnarine Chanderpaul

Lord Megachief of Gold averages 105 for the last two years.  More difficult to get out, than bloodstains on a fresh white carpet.  Is part of the holy trinity too, so you burn, if you disagree.

M S Dhoni (Wk) Captain

Dhoni, is actually the worst wicket keeper out of the top five sides.   Boucher, Haddin & McCullum all had more dismissals than him.  Even wanky wicky Ambrose has a higher percentage of dismissals per innings.  So as a keeper, he’s a bit shite.   But…  The boy’s got balls of steel, can bat beautifully, and is a marvellous captain.  So for that reason, he’s in.

Andrew Flintoff

He get’s the all-rounder nod, because I love him, and want his children.  The 10 deliveries that scared shitless, Jacques Kallis, one of the worlds best batsman, at Edgbaston should be enough.

Dale Steyn

74 wickets at 20.  Fast, accurate and strangely for a South African, humble and pleasant.

Mitchell Johnson

Is easily the best bowler in Australia, and was second highest wicket taker in world cricket this year.  If he can learn to swing the ball at his pace, he will be unplayable.

Ryan Sidebottom

Easily forgotten, since his injuries, but was amazing all winter, and most of early summer.  He picked up 47 wickets in 8 test matches at an average of 20.2, that my friends is quality bowling.   The boy can swing it too.  Let’s hope that the bad back sorts itself out, and that he’s firing for The England again soon.

Ajantha Mendis

Because he’s a freak.  Because he’s Splendid Mendis, and as he’s part of the Holy Trinity of The Church Of Sehwagology, you have to have him in the side.

12th Man.

I’ve gone for Hashim Amla.  So improved this year.  Was a lovely batsman to watch.

So there you have it.  Suave’s suavest XI.  You can disagree if you like, just add your comments.

Remember though, if you do disagree, I will have to hulk smash you!

Much love.



Big Shiny Balls!
December 29, 2008, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , ,

Thanks for all your kind words, you lovely little lumps of lusciousness.  Suave is feeling a bit sick now, so will hopefully be back on form tomorrow. Here’s a little something to whet your appetites.

After seeing this over at cackinfo it inspired more love for the one true god!

Hit out or get out!

Hit out or get out!



Join us, and we shall take over the world!
December 18, 2008, 12:57 pm
Filed under: Cricket, Misdirection | Tags: , , ,

You will worship his slashing blade!


Church Sign Generator

Thou Shalt Stand & Deliver