Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Adil Rashid, Cricket With Balls, Darron Reekers, De Nederlanders, De Nederlands, Dirk Nannes, Dirty Dirk, England, fucktrog, Holland, Johann Cruyff, Jrod, Last of The Summer Whine, Len The Yorkshire Kitman, Luke Wright, Pakistan, Q, Ravi Bopara, ricky schroder, Rob Key, Ryan Ten Doeschate, stuart broad, Stuart MacGill, T20i, The England, The Netherlands, Tom De Grooth, Well Pitched, west indies
What the fuck happened there?!
Destiny, my friends, that’s what.
After mastering total football in the 70’s under Johan Cruyff, de Nederlanders have now decided to do the same in 20/20 cricket.
Watch out boys and girls, they were unstoppable (except by Ze Germans) at football during that time, and are bound to do the same to all and sundry in this 20/20 World Cup (luckily Ze Germans are not here). Never before has there been such a sublime display of a cricket, from a side wearing oranje.
Dirty Dirk bowled well, without any real penetration.
It was left to a couple of old blacksmiths to cause the damage. Darron Reekers who started off in big bludgeoning style, followed up by Tom De Grooth, who smashed The England all over Lords. Jrod loved it so much he almost threw up!
My man Ryan Ten Doeschate even got in on the act, a cracking allround display, with a red inker and taking the wickets of Ravi Bopara & Luke Wright.
The England have two young stars at the top of their order, and the rest are a bunch of cunts. Even Rob Key, the fat knacker.
The bowling, beyond the opening pair was shithouse. Rashid looked good against the West Indies, but was goes for too many runs. He reminds me of Stuart MacGill, long hops, full tosses and the odd unplayable delivery. No fucking good at 20/20, I’m afraid (and surely the fact that he doesn’t get in Yorkshire’s side, should have given them some idea, no?).
Stuart Broad couldn’t hit six stumps, the useless Ricky Schroder lookalike fucktrog.
I’m happy to lose to the Dutch though, because it might make this bunch of fuckfaced De Engelsen players actually learn to play proper 20/20 cricket. Hardly any of them actually play it, they’re learning the game in T20i’s.
Here’s to getting spanked by Pakistan on Sunday, and being out of the competition within 3 days! Good times, my friends!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, apple fail, Cricket, Die Nederlands, Fail, Holland, Mickey Arthur, Netherlands, nom nom nom, Ryan Ten Doeschate, Zuid-afrika
Ryan Ten-Doeschate, Suave’s favourite Essex based dutchman, has obviously spent some time in Zuid-Afrika, learning from the master coach that is Mickey Arthur. The best way to become world beaters in cricket is to eat cricket balls, apparently.
Be sure to get yourself over to King Cricket at 12pm BST today, for the greatest post the world has ever seen! I can hardly wait.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 World cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Andrew Symonds, australia
According to cackinfo, Andrew Symonds has been sent home again, for more alcohol fuelled shenanigans.
Now this shouldn’t come as a surprise to many, because he is a Brummy, and they’re all piss soaked tramps. That and the fact that he was brought up in ‘Straya, the home of fucking god awful weak lager.
Whenever he comes here, he drinks the same amount, and forgets that our beer is about fourteen times stronger. They don’t call it tanglefoot for now’t, you know.
This has got to be the last time he ever gets to pull on an Aussie jersey, hasn’t it? This must be number 6002 in his sozzled history, and surely that’s enough for any one predator.
Will this weaken the ‘Strayan 20/20 side? I’d say yes, he averages 48 with the bat and 34 with the ball in T20i’s, them’s shit hot numbers.
What I’m trying to say is…
HA FUCKING HA!
Australia are now officially shit again, and we can all laugh out loud at them.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Alastair Cook, England, Essex, Essex CCC, Essex Eagles, IPL, IPL Champions League, Kent, Kent Spitfires, The England
What the fuck is going on here?!
Alastair Cook took his recent smackdown show to Kent again. Last week he scored 80 from 56 balls against the spitfires, this week 77 off 55. So far in the 20/20 cup he’s scored 197 runs at an average of 49.25 and a strike rate of 139. Wow. Thems good figures eh…
I like this a lot. I always want to see an Essex boy do well, but he’s consistently annoyed the shit out of me, by being the most tedious fucktard the world has ever seen.
He rarely hits the ball in the air, scores his runs in test cricket at a snails pace, and is generally a grinder.
I think a season playing List A cricket, and 20/20 will improve the boy no end. He’s made it clear that he wants to be considered for The England in all types of cricket, which is an admirable statement, and one that he appears to be backing up.
I’m looking forward to the day, that I look at a The England pyjamas match, and don’t want to cut my face in to slithers because eyeliner is opening the batting. Let’s hope it’s not too far round the corner.