Suave's Republique Cricket


THE ENGLAND SIDE FOR CRICKET WRITER ASHES REVEALED!
ENGLAND SIDE FOR CRICKET WRITER ASHES REVEALED
The Village Cricketer predicts 1-0 ‘Pomme-wash’

The Village Cricketer’s English All Stars v Cricket with Balls Aussie Code of Conduct XI
Monday 29th June 2009, 3.30pm start
Barnes Cricket Club, Lonsdale Road, London SW13 9QL

England, 5th June 2009: The Village Cricketer today announced the line up of English All Stars for the pre-Ashes charity cricket match in aid of the Everyman Male Cancer Campaign, and issued a stark warning to the descendents of convicts and colonists that will be turning out for the Cricket with Balls Aussie Code of Conduct XI, turn up and lose!

On Monday 29th June 2009, the great and good of the English and Australian online cricket worlds will gather at Barnes CC, London, for a charity cricket match held to raise awareness of and funds for the Everyman male cancer campaign, part of the Institute of Cancer Research. The match is played as part of Everyman’s Male Cancer Awareness Month.

The Village Cricketer confidently predicts that his side – The Village Cricketer’s English All Stars – will win the best of one series 1 – 0.

“The English All Stars is a team of hugely talented, exciting and above all modest Englishmen. It is very simple, with this side we cannot lose,” said The Village Cricketer. “The Aussie Code of Conduct XI will be jetlagged or hungover. We are going to deliver a Pomme-wash to the travelling Canary Yellows, delivering a trouncing that will help the England side proper carry momentum into the Ashes.”

The Village Cricketer’s English All-Stars XI:

The Village Cricketer
Ed Craig, The Wisden Cricketer
Suave of Suave’s Republique Cricket
Phil Johnson, Freelance cricket writer
Patrick Kidd, The Times
Nigel Henderson, Legendary cricket writer
Andrew Miller, Cricinfo
Sam Stow, All Out Cricket
Simon Jones (look-a-like)
Steven Croft (play-a-like)
Alan Mullally (leftarm-a-like)

To make a donation in support of this event please visit the Justgiving page.



Captain Fuckwit
Don't tell anyone, but I'm shit in the subcontinent!

Don't tell anyone, but I'm shit in the subcontinent!

Can’t bat in the subcontinent, and plays with a fractured rib.

Surely that would restrict your movement somewhat, I know it did when I broke my ribs.  I couldn’t move at anywhere near full capacity for months!

So what is the stupid saffer halfwit doing playing?  Did no-one think that it might be a bad thing?  Fuck off you stupid grinned cockmunch.

I do despair sometimes, and at other times I feel like hulk smashing.

Today is one of those days.

Patrick Kidd over at Line & Length calls for the replacement of one of the useless fucking knobend opening bowlers.  He reckons we should replace Jimmy “I’m a wet fucking Blanket” Anderson or Stephen “I’m a weak in the head wanker” Harmison, with Amjad Khan.  Obviously Patrick was much nicer in his words, but the sentiment was the same I’m sure..  Back to the Danish wunderkind Amjad, the boy is pretty quick, he can reverse swing the ole nut, and he can’t be any fucking worse than them other two shitforbrains (I say that without ever seeing bowl a first class delivery)!

He also called for Panesar to go.  Too fucking right I say.  That bucket handed bambi twat needs to disappear for a long time.

Why not send the idiot to Australia for club cricket for the rest of their summer?

There he’ll have to learn some guile, or he’ll be smashed into oblivion.  Either way we win.  If he gets smashed into oblivion, he quits and takes up some IT job in Brum.  If he learns his craft, we have a world class spinner back in the ranks.

They’ve got to replace him with my young buck, Adil Rashid.  Give him a go, he’ll at least get Tendulkar’s wicket.  He loves to give a debutant spinner his wicket.   Basically Tendulkar is a Cricket Shark.   Give the fella an easy first wicket, they raise their hopes, think that they’ve just got the best batsman in the world out, so they must be a great bowler, then get smashed about for the rest of their career by him, (see Monty Panesar and Cameron White) The sneaky fucker..

Talking of Tendulkar, visit Dear Kingy for his take on Tendulkar.  It’s FUCKING GENIUS.

One day I intend to have Alex’s babies  (just don’t tell him yet, it’ll be a surprise!).

Lastly, let the Sherminator get Sherminated,  so that we can bring back Ace.   He’s fucking good in the subcontinent, he’s wristy and the lad can manipulate the strike.   At least get three blokes who can do that in the side.   Strauss, Shah & Colly are the only proper  batsmen who seem to be able to rotate, although Rashid is no mug with the bat either, and as he’s of Asian descent, he must be wristy too.

Here endeth the rant.   Carry on, nothing to see..