Suave's Republique Cricket


De Nederlanders slaan de Engelsen
Where's Dirty Dirk?!

De Nederlanders celebrate a famous victory over The England.

What the fuck happened there?!

Destiny, my friends, that’s what.

After mastering total football in the 70’s under Johan Cruyff, de Nederlanders have now decided to do the same in 20/20 cricket.

Watch out boys and girls, they were unstoppable  (except by Ze Germans) at football during that time, and are bound to do the same to all and sundry in this 20/20 World Cup (luckily Ze Germans are not here).  Never before has there been such a sublime display of a cricket, from a side wearing oranje.

Dirty Dirk bowled well, without any real penetration.

It was left to a couple of old blacksmiths to cause the damage.  Darron Reekers who started off in big bludgeoning style, followed up by Tom De Grooth, who smashed The England all over Lords.   Jrod loved it so much he almost threw up!

My man Ryan Ten Doeschate even got in on the act, a cracking allround display, with a red inker and taking the wickets of Ravi Bopara & Luke Wright.

The England have two young stars at the top of their order, and the rest are a bunch of cunts.   Even Rob Key, the fat knacker.

The bowling, beyond the opening pair was shithouse.   Rashid looked good against the West Indies, but was goes for too many runs.  He reminds me of Stuart MacGill, long hops, full tosses and the odd unplayable delivery.  No fucking good at 20/20, I’m afraid (and surely the fact that he doesn’t get in Yorkshire’s side, should have given them some idea, no?).

Stuart Broad couldn’t hit six stumps, the useless Ricky Schroder lookalike fucktrog.

I’m happy to lose to the Dutch though, because it might make this bunch of fuckfaced De Engelsen players actually learn to play proper 20/20 cricket.   Hardly any of them actually play it,  they’re learning the game in T20i’s.

Here’s to getting spanked by Pakistan on Sunday, and being out of the competition within 3 days!  Good times, my friends!



Stupid ‘Strayans
September 26, 2008, 10:16 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , ,

What is it with ‘strayans and warm up game injuries.

Tee Hee.

Tee Hee.

The 2005 Ashes was decided when Glenn McGrath tripped over a stray cricket ball playing rugby.

News has just reached Suave HQ that Dirty Dirk, him of the snowboarding and skiing skills, has come a cropper playing football, and had to miss Middlesex CCC’s last game of the season.  Dick.

He can do all of this, but gets ankle knack from football?! I thought he was tough..

He can do all of this, but gets ankle knack from football?! I thought he was tough..

That’s him flying through the air miles in the sky.  Impressive, eh?

Alas, he can’t fucking stand up when playing a little Association Football though can he?

SILLY ‘STRAYANS and their silly warm up injuries, maybe they should stick to indoor bowls.



Telegraph Fantasy Cricket.

Suave’s Republique has a side in place for this years fantasy cricket..

I’ve also signed up to Third Umpire’s Superleague. Third Umpire is another The English blog, which is written by nice chaps, not like the sweary fucker who writes this old pony..

My team and the reasons behind the selection, should you care, is as follows.

Michael Di Venuto. Scored a gazillion runs last year, just as most Aussies seem to in county cricket

Will Jefferson. Cos he’s a freak, and he used to play for Essex. King Cricket also loves him a lot.

Mark Ramprakash. Scored over 2000 runs in two seasons, and was my best performer by miles.

Ian Bell. If he continues in the form he showed last summer, should score eleventythousand runs this year.

Jason Gallian. He plays for Essex now, and averages about 40, which is OK. He was cheap too.

Adil Rashid. It was a tough choice between the young buck and Ryan Ten Doeschate, but I ended up picking Rashid. He’s had a great winter touring with the hedgehogs, and should get better as he gets fitter. Also, I was looking a little heavy on the Essex side, and we’re going to be shit this year.

James Foster. Plays for Essex, averages over 40, good hands. Scored his first double century last year.

Saqlain Mushtaq. You’ll notice that there’s a lot of spinners in my side, that’s cos they always take the most wickets in county cricket. Saqlain should do well at the Oval.

Dirk Nannes. I’ve picked him on the back of the man love shown by Jrod @ Cricket With Balls.
If he can carry on the form shown for Victoria, during the winter, he’ll rip county sides apart.

Mushtaq Ahmed. Took 90 wickets last year. Might take a few less this season, but still far and away the best spinner in county cricket

James Harris. Young (17) Glamorgan quick, bats quite well too. took 33 wickets at 24 in his first season, with best match figures of 12/118, highest score of 87no.



Dirty Dirk Nannes
April 3, 2008, 9:53 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , ,

Cricket With Balls very own Dirty Dirk

In county cricket news.  Middlesex have signed CWBVODD (Cricket With Balls very own Dirty Dirk).

They had originally signed Ashley Noffke, but as he’s been called up to the ‘Strayan touring squad to West Indies, they’ve gone with the Dirtster.

This could be a very shrewd signing, as he doesn’t qualify as an overseas player, by virtue of a Dutch passport.

Middlesex are putting together a fairly strong squad this year, and should really be pushing for promotion to the 1st division this year.

Check CWB for more details on the fella.