Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Symonds, australia, car park scraps, Cricket, Harbajhan Singh, india
Andrew Symonds
Harbajhan Singh
One looks like he kills children for fun.
One looks like he has a dove of peace in his hand. (Probably why he was cleared!)
The only way to resolve all of this, is for the boys to meet in the car park for a scrap.
I know where I’m putting my money, how about you?
So Shaun Tait is feeling a bit emotional?!
Shaun Tait has quit all forms of cricket indefinitely, due to emotional and physical exhaustion.
Fuck off, you big halfwit!
This guy is supposed to be a grunt, who likes knocking batsmen’s heads off, and he’s crying off of state and national cricket.
Ha!
I’m hoping he’ll be back for next years Ashes series, as he’s always worth a few free runs.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: australia, Cricket, Harbajhan Singh, india, steve bucknor
It seems to be a day of new evidence appearing.
First, Channel 9 come up with new stump microphone evidence.
India make a statement, refusing to admit that evidence, which seems about the guiltiest response there is!
And then, http://sportsfreak.co.nz passes on a newly released image, sent via bottle over the Tasmanian sea. All very hush hush, you understand..
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Adam Gilchrist, australia, fatheadflattrackbully, industrial shredding accident, Matthew Hayden
Adam Gilchurch
Adam Gilchurch
Bye bye big ears. It’s been a blast.
I guess this means we’ll now have a Strayan team, that includes 11 bad sportsman, instead of the 10 they’ve had up til now.
You’ve got to admire Gilly for his attitude. The man even walked in a world cup semi-final.
All we need now is for Matthew Hayden to die in an industrial shredding accident, and I will be a happy man.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: AC/DC, australia, Australia Day, Cate Blanchett, Elle McPherson, Guy Pearce, Kylie Minogue, Natalie Imbruglia, Richie Benaud, Rolf Harris, Stuart Law, The Twelth Man, Tim Tam, Toni Collette
As it’s ‘Straya day tomorrow, I thought I would list some things that I love about the old colony..
Enjoy yourselves!
Kylie Minogue
Elle McPherson
Natalie Imbruglia
Toni Collette
Guy Pearce
AC/DC
Rolf Harris
Richie Benaud
Stuart Law
The Twelth Man
UPDATES
A couple of additions. Thanks Miss-Field
Cate Blanchett
Tim Tam’s
Had my boxing class tonight, which hurt like a motherf*cker.
My gym is on Haydon Street, which reminds me of the FatHeadFlatTrackBully, so was a great incentive to beat ten bells of shite out of the bag/pads!
The real reason for the post, is….
HA HA!
Hayden was shown at the beginning of todays Australia – India game, dropping Dhoni from last night, then missing one in the warm up.
The missed one, hit him square in the knackers.
Filed under: Cricket
Continuing where I left off earlier today.
Monty Panesar
Look at him, all haloed up..
As long as he doesn’t ensnare me in his 10inch hands and strangle me to death, I’ve got the MontSter all worked out.
Victory to me.
Mustard may be hot and delicious. I need to be a little careful with this fella.
His nickname is Colonel, too. Colonel Mustard always did someone in with a blunt instrument, in the library.
Victory for Mustard.
Owais Shah
Old Acey baby… He looks like I Imagine Shalimar the Clown to be.. Therefore he’s a super killer, with no emotions.
Therefore he wins. Shit.
Ryan Sidebottom
No, I’m not having this.
Have you ever seen his pathetic attempts to look angry, on the field of play. He’s about as scary as Stu’ Francis.
“Ooh I could jump off a doll’s house”
“Ooh, I could wrestle with a Barbie Doll”
Suave wins in five, TKO.
Andrew Strauss
RAF Trained, wears pink cricket shirts. I imagine Strauss to be a weeper and bed wetter.
All over inside three, Suave winning with a right cross, left uppercut combination!
Graeme Swann
Swanny would be too busy trying to cut my tie, or put deep heat in my pants.
A Glasgow kiss, and a tweaked nipple, and I’m victorious in eight.
Michael Vaughan
Now skipper’s a different kettle of chips.. Tough player, rubbish athlete, can’t catch for toffee..
If he gets the rest of his Thunderbird mates in tow, I’m in real trouble.
If not, I’ve got the plan.
First up, full blown kick to the dodgy knee. He’s down, and I’m in control. After that, it’s an hour or so of torture and Suave wins again.
It’s been proved categorically, that I would hammer most of the English Cricket team.
I now expect an open top bus ride, around London, and an MBE!
Filed under: Cricket
Nasser Hussain reckons England need more fight and that there are a few soft lads in the team.
This got me thinking, and will be an ongoing thing, encompassing all teams in world cricket (test only to start).
Who could I beat up, from world cricket in a fight. Now, as an adult I haven’t had a fight, since a 22 man brawl at a sunday league cup final ten years ago. I don’t like fighting, but Nasser’s forced me in to action..
I’m training hard (boxing training this evening).
It’s me versus them (one at a time or all at once), down at the nursery ground, Lords…
Tim Ambrose
First up, a scrapper from Australia..
Only a little fella, so I’ll pick me. I’m gonna crack his head like an egg!
James Anderson
Well, he’s a big strong lad, as are most fast bowlers.
I reckon this would be close, but he’s too much of a sulky, pretty boy.. A good right cross, and a swift kick to the nuts, and he’d be weeping for his mum!
Ian Bell
Hulk, Smash. (in the context of this post, hulk will be me)
That is all.
Paul Collingwood
Now I reckon he’d be a pretty tough fella, Collingwood. He’s determined, gritty, and ginger.
We’ll call this a draw, and move swiftly on..
Alistair Cook
Sorry, but this is no match up, he may have height advantage, and patience, but I’m gonna get all Thomas Hearns on his ass!
Over in no time at all.
Tough call this one, he’s big, strong, and has massive advantage of reach.
At home, a Harmison win.
Away, Suave for the win.
Matthew Hoggard
Hoggy beats me hands down. He’s got good hands, strength, and he’s accurate.
No wild swing from the hoggster.
Kevin Pieterson
If this was a fair fight, I’d lose.
But it’s not, there’s no way I’m losing to a saffer, so i’m tooled up, and i’m prepared to cheat.
I’ve got mates around the corner, knuckle duster, tazer, stanley knife, short balls to test his ego.
I’m guessing the South African version of this, is going to be short..
Your beloved country, dear convicts has an L in it!! Aus-Tra-Lia..
Please use the language properly, or we shall have to take it back..
Now, good day to you!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Geoff Miller, Jason Gillespie, Mark Taylor, Michael Atherton, Michael Vaughan, Sree Sreesanth, Viv Richards
I just read an interview with that mad bloke from India (S. Sreesanth), on Cricinfo. It made me think about how many cricketers seem to refer to themselves in the third person!
I can understand actors/musicians doing it to some extent, as most of those types usually have stage/screen names. But Cricketers don’t give themselves flashy names!
Thank W.G. Grace that these bastards are playing cricket, and not roaming the streets! It would no doubt turn all stabby and bloody, and no-one needs to see that (unless it’s Matthew Hayden of course!)
Shanthakumaran Sreesanth
“Sreesanth’s way is to be aggressive. Sreesanth will always remain Sreesanth.”
Michael Vaughan
“the best thing [for England] is to get Michael Vaughan fit and playing well”.
He also does this… Talking about batting and playing one or two good strokes he would say to himself “now that was a Michael Vaughan cover drive”. This is brilliant. He not only talks to other people about himself in the third person, but talks to himself in the third person .
NEVER UPSET MICHAEL VAUGHAN! or he might get stabby.
Geoff Miller
“There are two sides to Geoff Miller. One of them is deadly serious, one has an entertainment side. I’ve been involved in England selection for seven years and David Graveney and I have been involved in making some pretty tough and harsh decisions.”
When you get dropped from “The England” setup now, it’s murder!! mwahaha, muhuhaha, muwhahaha
Mark Taylor
“Mark Taylor was one our best batsmen last summer, If this season is Mark Taylor’s turn to miss out, so be it.”
Viv Richards
“Nobody talks to Viv Richards like that,”
As some french bloke once wrote “Talking about oneself in the third person can imply .. tremendous conceit ”
Michael Atherton, said about the same thing “when cricketers refer to themselves in the third person my antennae twitch. It suggests a certain self-regard – talking about themselves almost as if they were describing a person they admire from a distance”.
Or more succintly, “I don’t know what that’s all about, mate. The only person I can remember doing it was a wrestler called the Rock.”
Jason Gillespie
Hopefully, that will be the last time Jason Gillespie ever gets the last word on this site.
Suave's Republique Cricket 