Suave's Republique Cricket

Time for a scrap boys… A-P
January 24, 2008, 11:11 am
Filed under: Cricket

Nasser Hussain reckons England need more fight and that there are a few soft lads in the team.

This got me thinking, and will be an ongoing thing, encompassing all teams in world cricket (test only to start).

Who could I beat up, from world cricket in a fight. Now, as an adult I haven’t had a fight, since a 22 man brawl at a sunday league cup final ten years ago. I don’t like fighting, but Nasser’s forced me in to action..

I’m training hard (boxing training this evening).

It’s me versus them (one at a time or all at once), down at the nursery ground, Lords…

Tim Ambrose

Wanky Wicky..

First up, a scrapper from Australia..

Only a little fella, so I’ll pick me. I’m gonna crack his head like an egg!

James Anderson

I’m a soft lad, me..

Well, he’s a big strong lad, as are most fast bowlers.

I reckon this would be close, but he’s too much of a sulky, pretty boy.. A good right cross, and a swift kick to the nuts, and he’d be weeping for his mum!

Ian Bell

I’m not a choir boy, stop calling me that!

Hulk, Smash. (in the context of this post, hulk will be me)

That is all.

Paul Collingwood

I’m a member of suave’s republican army, so cannot beat my master!

Now I reckon he’d be a pretty tough fella, Collingwood. He’s determined, gritty, and ginger.

We’ll call this a draw, and move swiftly on..

Alistair Cook

I used to be a chorister, I want to be a florist.. er.

Sorry, but this is no match up, he may have height advantage, and patience, but I’m gonna get all Thomas Hearns on his ass!

Over in no time at all.

Stephen Harmison
I’m harmless, gormless, but I could be handy in a scrap, depends on me frame o’mind like…

Tough call this one, he’s big, strong, and has massive advantage of reach.

At home, a Harmison win.

Away, Suave for the win.

Matthew Hoggard

Shaggy like a dog, and right on the button.  You will feel the force of my swing!

Hoggy beats me hands down. He’s got good hands, strength, and he’s accurate.

No wild swing from the hoggster.

Kevin Pieterson

Dirty saffer.  That is all.

If this was a fair fight, I’d lose.

But it’s not, there’s no way I’m losing to a saffer, so i’m tooled up, and i’m prepared to cheat.

I’ve got mates around the corner, knuckle duster, tazer, stanley knife, short balls to test his ego.

I’m guessing the South African version of this, is going to be short..

11 Comments so far
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You can cheat against a saffer, but you can never out cheat one. You just cheat until they accidentally choke themselves.

Comment by Uncle J rod

I’d never thought of it like that..

Either way, I win, which is good.

Makes me 6 up against the first half of the squad..

Comment by republiquecricket

What? an Aussie and a Safa but none of asian/ west indian extraction?

Comment by Brad Griggs

Sorry wrong blogspot in first post.

Comment by Brad Griggs

Slightly confused Brad, but no worries old bean.

Comment by republiquecricket

There’s still the second half of the squad to come Brad.. Holdfire, old chap.

Then I’ll be doing a piece on all of the individual teams, and how I would fare in a scrap with them!

Comment by republiquecricket

” He’s got good hands, strength, and he’s accurate.

No wild swing from the hoggster.”

That’s what she said.

Comment by the scienticain

Boom boom, he’s here all week..

Nice work Dr Scientician…

No Dr, and you misspelt your own ID..

As I said, educmacation, ain’t what it used to be

Comment by republiquecricket

subtlety: that’s what I’ll claim that as.
yes… subtlety.

/me trys to avoid eye contact while slowly edging away.

Comment by the scientician

Ah, a “that’s what she said” joke. It’s been too, too long.

Comment by Miriam

“It’s been too, too long”
… that’s what she said

right. enough of this tom foolery. The republic is sunk. return all ye to the kingdom.

Comment by the scientician

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