Suave's Republique Cricket

Fake IPL Player
May 20, 2009, 4:23 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , , , ,
I'm a whore for hits

I'm a whore for hits

I’m a whore.

So are you, but that’s not the point.

I’m a whore, and I want hits again.

I need them, because I’ve not done a fucking thing on here in months.

So I’m writing this shit, to get me some hits.

Who is the fAKE IpL Player?  Who cares.   Not fucking me.

I know who it is though, so that makes my caring or lack thereof, an easier burden to carry.

Do you know who it is?

No, you don’t.  That’s cos you’re all ugly and you smell, whereas I am Suave.

If you really want to know, you need to watch an IPL game, then look in the mirror, and repeat three times.

What am I watching this shower of shit for?

What am I watching this shower of shit for?

What am I watching this shower of shit for?

The answer will be revealed to you, by Lalit Modi himself.  He will be raping your anus at the time, which should be nice.

Have fun with that, eh kids.

While we’re at it, remember that fake IPL player has publicly stated that he will be releasing his name and retiring today..

Oooh, that’ll be exciting.

What’s that all about then?

Cor blimey guv, it’s all going off aint it.

Fucking bombs galore, hostages, and the terrists want us plucky Brits.

I can’t understand it?  It’s as if we’ve been fucking around in their region’s politics for hundreds of years, subjugating their subjects, and denouncing the whole of their religion as evil or summat.

Next you’ll be telling me that the French don’t like us?!

Lucky it’s not Pakistan, or no foreigner would ever step foot in the country again!   It’s OK though Lalit Modi, the evil genius, reckons we will be playing the test match series, and that’s that.  Based on his previous, I reckon the auld bastard knows a few coercien techniques.  So KP beware!!!

Also, they’ve cancelled the IPL & ICL, and the test series is on, so all that guff about the death of test cricket has just been turned on its head.  It’s the death of pointless 20/20 tournaments!  Huzzah!!

Enough bad news kids, Suavey’s home!

What the fuck is all this bollocks about a fitness race.  I keep seeing this headline (especially just now, with the Krezja/Hauritz selection dilemma), and it’s raised a few questions in Suave’s superhuman brainbox.

  • What is a fitness race?
  • How many people are involved in it, is it just Hauritz and Krezja?
  • What distance is it over?
  • Who holds the Worlds record?
  • What happens if the unfit guy happens to be quicker than the fit guy, even when injured?  Imagine a fitness race between a fit Eddo Brandes and an injured Jimmy Anderson….
  • Where does it take place, and can I watch it?  Also can I bet on it?
  • Why is the race between Krezja and Hauritz, when Marcus North is the best spinner in Sheffield Shield cricket this season.  The fact that North is averaging 53 with the bat, should probably give him some sort of mention in the selection meeting, no?
  • Surely a race is unfair on the bloke who’s injured?
  • What if having the race does the fella in again?  Until we know the specifics of the race, this is a distinct possibility I tells ya.

As always, I DEMAND ANSWERS ADMINISTRACATS.  Or journalists, as you knobbies keep using the phrase.

Lastly, go to Iain O’Briens blog, he’s a fucking genius.