Suave's Republique Cricket

Jimmy Fucking Anderson
Fuck me the boy's got good!!

Please be good against the big boys Jimmy!

Somewhere along the lines, my thought process has changed.  Not necessarily for the better to be fair.

I used to hate Greame Smith, now I don’t mind him.

I spent many long hours wanting to smash Jimmy Anderson’s head in, now I don’t.

This is perturbing.

Alas, as we get older, we grow wiser.  Well some of us.  By us,  I mean you lot, not me, obviously, or Ian Botham, we’re both pickle brained fucknuts, but I digress.

I now believe we have a good opening bowler.

This is a man who has learnt to swing the ball both ways at pace.

That my friends, is fucking dangerous.

He averaged 29.84 for 2008, and is currently averaging 26.85 for 2009.   Pretty good figures them.

But, before Ceci jumps on me, for hypocrisy (I rather bagged him back in March over at the Lovely King Cricket).  Let’s look at his averages again.

Since 2006/7 Ashes.

Series Average Strike Rate
Aus v Eng



Eng v Ind



Eng v SL



NZ v Eng



Eng v NZ



Eng v SA



Ind v Eng



WI v Eng



Eng v WI












Still not good enough I’m afraid..

Compare his stats to Mitchell Johnson, or Dale Steyn, or Ishant Sharma, or Shane Bond, or Peter Siddle.  He doesn’t compare.

I want fast/swing bowling that actually smashes peoples jaws, stumps and batsman’s confidence.

Jimmy’s not there yet.  I hope he gets there, because it’ll be a blast seeing him uprooting off-stumps of Aussies this summer, but he’s yet to do anything significant against any of the top 5.

It’s all well and good smashing Kiwi’s & Windies players who don’t want to be here, but can you smash the Aussies or the Saffers (who we face this winter).

That’ll be the true test of his character.

So I’ll hold out on the Jimmy Anderson Wankfest until early 2010 if you don’t mind.

Stupid Fucking Administracats

What a fucking farce that was yesterday.  43 overs played and no result.


Because Law 43 wasn’t applied.  Nigel Long (third umpire) spoke to Nasser Hussain before the game about switch hitting, and confused the poor sky team, by mentioning Law 43.  (Teh MCC laws only go up to 42) Law 43 is the first one they teach you at “Look at me I’m not good enough to the play the game, so I’ll stop you enjoying it, you better looking, richer, more talented fuckers” school (Umpire school), it is an unwritten rule, that says the power freaks in stupid hats, should use common sense.

Why the fuck did they not do that, when the “playing conditions” stipulated that you can only reduce the lunchtime break to a minimum of 30mins.  WANK OFF YOU SHITTING COCKFUCKS.  Fuck me, they’d only been on the field for an hour and a half.  Why did they not use common sense?  Ten minute turnaround, and that game was over.

It’s not often I agree with Ian “i’m a pickle brained fucknut” Botham or Ian “fuck me he’s got fat since 04” Smith, but they were right yesterday.   The fans sat there all-day in the rain, and they called the game off with one over to go.  NZ needed seven to win.  That would have been a magic finish, to a really good game of cricket.  The players wanted to finish, the crowd wanted it finished, but the administracats want to ruin the game for everyone else.

If I’d have been in the crowd at Edgbaston yesterday, I would have had to start HULK SMASHING THINGS.  I wasn’t, I was looking after The Gris, whilst the missus went for a pedicure.

Honestly, if that had have happened in India, there would’ve been a riot!

Now if we can get rid of Beefy, and let him drink himself into oblivion (whilst still keeping up the sterling charity work!  Good on you for that Beefy),  I’d be a happy man.

I’ve forgotten how to write, it seems, and this is just a vitriolic rant (this one’s for you Ceci!). So I’ll stop now.

One last thing.

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy

I could be wrong
I could be right
I could be wrong
I could be right


See this in less sweary, posher format at Holding Willey!