Suave's Republique Cricket


Jimmy Fucking Anderson
Fuck me the boy's got good!!

Please be good against the big boys Jimmy!

Somewhere along the lines, my thought process has changed.  Not necessarily for the better to be fair.

I used to hate Greame Smith, now I don’t mind him.

I spent many long hours wanting to smash Jimmy Anderson’s head in, now I don’t.

This is perturbing.

Alas, as we get older, we grow wiser.  Well some of us.  By us,  I mean you lot, not me, obviously, or Ian Botham, we’re both pickle brained fucknuts, but I digress.

I now believe we have a good opening bowler.

This is a man who has learnt to swing the ball both ways at pace.

That my friends, is fucking dangerous.

He averaged 29.84 for 2008, and is currently averaging 26.85 for 2009.   Pretty good figures them.

But, before Ceci jumps on me, for hypocrisy (I rather bagged him back in March over at the Lovely King Cricket).  Let’s look at his averages again.

Since 2006/7 Ashes.

Series Average Strike Rate
Aus v Eng

82.6

112

Eng v Ind

35.5

62.7

Eng v SL

83.5

116

NZ v Eng

35.57

44.2

Eng v NZ

19.31

32.6

Eng v SA

33.93

69.3

Ind v Eng

53.5

109.5

WI v Eng

38

86

Eng v WI

17.72

35.1

Home

37.992

63.14

Away

52.418

87.925

Overall

44.403

74.155556

Still not good enough I’m afraid..

Compare his stats to Mitchell Johnson, or Dale Steyn, or Ishant Sharma, or Shane Bond, or Peter Siddle.  He doesn’t compare.

I want fast/swing bowling that actually smashes peoples jaws, stumps and batsman’s confidence.

Jimmy’s not there yet.  I hope he gets there, because it’ll be a blast seeing him uprooting off-stumps of Aussies this summer, but he’s yet to do anything significant against any of the top 5.

It’s all well and good smashing Kiwi’s & Windies players who don’t want to be here, but can you smash the Aussies or the Saffers (who we face this winter).

That’ll be the true test of his character.

So I’ll hold out on the Jimmy Anderson Wankfest until early 2010 if you don’t mind.


25 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Like a whore in a rainstorm, the suave one has returned just when we thought he was finished.

Comment by jrod

I’m forcing myself to do it. Duckworth Lewis are gonna send me a copy of their album to review, so thought I’d better get the auld writing shit working again.
That and I’m fucked off with the media cocksucking of Jimmy. I’ll suck his dick myself, if he’s averaging mid 20’s by the end of the ashes and the saffer tour.

Comment by Suave

[…] Guess who’s back??? @SuaveRepublique http://bit.ly/p7FJK Stop your wanking please kids, he’s still […]

Pingback by Fresh From Twitter today « Pictures Tell The Story

Anything for a free record.

Comment by jrod

You know me kidder, I’m a whore for music. Also, I’ll be doing a little something for you too very soon.

Comment by Suave

Hurrah! Have so missed the hulk smashing! xxx

Comment by SarahCanterbury

Thanks lovely! It’s good to be home.

Comment by Suave

Couldn’t help noticing how the entire TMS pantomime cast were saying Jimmy is the worlds greatest ever bowler and will definitely be England captain next and is just… oooh… shiveringly lovely and munchable.

So this is a welcome back and a so long all in one post then…?

Comment by Spigot

No, I’m going to try to be back on a more regular basis.
I’m forcing myself out of a writing funk.

Comment by Suave

The reply-to-every-comment machine eases into gear after a short hiatus.

Comment by King Cricket

I’ve missed it to be honest.

I miss the random abuse from strangers.

Comment by Suave

You can get free music by writing about cricket? Damn, I just wasted three years on a music blog.

Welcome back, especially as it is for an appropriately venal reason

Comment by The Skiver

Ha, thanks! Glad I had Hyperwords installed so I could find you what venal meant 😉

Comment by Suave

God you horrible little wanker – you just can’t bear to give in and proclaim Jim is absolutely ace but have to hedge your bets with spurious wankety wank statistics. Pah bah and fuckwittery tosh.

It’s fab to have you back btw xxxx

Comment by Ceci

Fuck you and the horse you rode in!!
I mean that from the heart 🙂

Ceci, I’ll concede when he takes wickets against SL, IND, Aus or SA.
So far he averages 57 against the top 4, with a wicket every 94 balls.

When he improves on that, then I will love him.

As I said earlier, I will suck his cock, like the rest of the English media are doing, if he does it consistently against the top four sides.

As our next two series are against Australia & South Africa, we should be better placed to judge at the beginning of 2010.

Comment by Suave

Welcome back your suaveiness, does this mean theres gonna be more posts to help distract me from the copious amounts of revision I should be doing?

Comment by Narkins

I do hope so chap!

Comment by Suave

The downside being that every essay you write will suddenly fill with random swearwords

Comment by The Skiver

Please let that happen.

Corrupting young minds, is my goal in life!

Comment by Suave

There’s a Ravi Bopara Fail from Durham, surely. If you’re back for good, I want that. So don’t be fucktard – do Ravi-Fail.

Comment by D Charlton

Douglas, If I could find a photo of it, I would.. I’ll keep trying, just for you.

Comment by Suave

Greetings from the permanently horizontal – only a mere 2 days to find this one then…..

But where is eyebrows boy without a cloud in the sky [nothing but an ice cream vendors delight – judging from my time in the Caribbean]. I’m not getting up for this one……Ravi on the other hand….bless his cocky short arse…..Hmmmm can’t wait to see what happens there.

Sauve you just have to stay around for this summer season. A spot of reality like!

Comment by SixSixEight

I promise I will stay around, for cutting edge summer cricket reporting!
I’m back for good now. (until the next time that is).

Comment by Suave

Have got a tingle in a place that doesn’t see much daylight at your return Suave! Lovely to see you back – and even lovelier to see you haven’t mellowed.

Comment by Mel

I’m glad to hear it damenellymelly!

No, if anything, I’m feeling angrier than ever. Which is nice.

Comment by Suave




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