Suave's Republique Cricket

Is he an alabaster retard?
August 28, 2008, 11:56 am
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , , , ,

It’s good to see Durham are still playing on uncovered pitches oop north.

We’re only half way through day two and 20 wickets have fallen for 250 runs. 

Is it any wonder Lord Bobert Of Key got so pissed off with the pitch inspectors recently.  This being after their championship game lasted three days.

Now, I’ve never played on that wicket but it does look like a medium pacers paradise.  Hampshire bowler Dangeranus took 5/45, then super Mark Davies took a superb 8/24 for Durham.

Did he done poop in Geoff Millers house?

Did he done poop in Geoff Millers house?

I’m not sure what’s wrong with the lad, there must be something, he’s taken 209 FC wickets @ 21.57 excluding this match, (Fucking hell, how good is that? That’s a rhetorical question by the way)  yet he’s constantly ignored by selectors. 

Does he stink of rancid shit?

Does he have a penchant for small children?

Is he secretly an alien?

Is he really a viking warrior?

How the fuck would I know, I’m in a stupid godforsaken country that’s proud to be associated with the worst vegetable in the world!

9 Comments so far
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Er – Suave – Basingstoke is in Hampshire. Durham are in Basingstoke playing Hampshire. That’ll be Hampshire’s fault then.

Comment by D Charlton

See how I test my readers knowledge, I knew that, and so did you..


Comment by Suave

Ignored by selectors?! – Durham usually ignore him at the slightest whim. He is only in the team when one of the other seamers in injured, or in the case of the Kent and Hants matches – Harmy back int’ England fold.

Its the dodgy pitch he insists on carrying about with him – they are worried someone will catch on. That and the Viking garb, flock of ravens, horse sacrifices etc.

Comment by SixSixEight

I’m fully prepared to carry him off to Valhalla and let him quaff his fill

Comment by ceci

Hampshire had far better things to do with the Rose Bowl than let the team play cricket on it – REM/Editors/Guillemots took over the place (MrMel visibly wincing every time ladies in high heeled shoes marched across the pitch*)

*and no – I’m not referring to Michael Stipe

Comment by Mel

Ah…he is still there! Is this a Mark Davies fitness record?

Comment by SixSixEight


WHERE ARE YOU? No new posts in weeks…Spearpoint is getting seriously worried. Have you given up on cricket, rage and bladder-busting funniness? Did the sprouts finally get to you? Or did you get married, civilised and domesticated? I would have thought that after South Africa having had the crap beaten out of them you would have been cock-a-hoop and only too pleased to offer KP back to us on lend-lease for the duration…

Please, if any of Suave’s myriad fans/readers know why he has dropped off the radar screen then please let me (and others) know.


Comment by Spearpoint

Hello dear spear..

I am still here, and will be back soon.

I’ve been on holiday and in the the first month of a contract, so am being watched like a hawk.

I will return shortly, I promise.

Comment by Suave

Praise de Lord!!

Nurse, we have a pulse!

(Is that the sun coming out again?)

Nil illegitimatus carborundum….

Comment by Spearpoint

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