Suave's Republique Cricket

We are the angry mob.

Matthew Hayden: Great flat-footed grizzly bear. As Charlie Brooker once said Spirituality’ is what cretins have in place of imagination. That sums the oaf up perfectly.

Peter Moores: Stop fucking smiling you buck toothed twat. Glass half full bollocks, you win this series, then smile. Until then I want a miserable bastard, who looks like he’s going to set fire to the next batsman not to score a ton, or bowler to take a five fer.

Match Fixing: THere’s no way on earth that Chennai Pikey Fags should have lost yesterday. Some fucker’s fixed that.

Michael Vaughan: Smug twat. I could understand being so smug if your average was near the fatheadflattrackbully’s. BUT IT’S NOT!! YOU AVERAGE 42.96! Fucking hell man, and it drops since you’ve been skipper.

Ian Bell. You’re ginger, now fucking live with it. No-one believes that you’re strawberry blond, you Miserable molecule of mildew

Ian Chappell: What a boring rent-a-quote prick.

Ricky Ponting: The real reason you didn’t wear your baggy greens in the tour match, was because you were paid more for not wearing it. SToP fucking lying.

Dimitri Mascheranas: Oh you honourable c*nt. You’ll stay with your contracted county, where you’re the CLUB CAPTAIN, by the way. Instead of sitting in a dug out in India. Oh god bless you, dear child! You shit house fuckwit.

15 Comments so far
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1)Too much is made out of that c(r)ap. After all, its a cap.
2)Chennai have the unique distinction of going down to Bangalore and Deccan, the teams at the bottom of the table.

Comment by 12th Man

That’s cos someone’s got money on it, I bet!

Comment by Suave

What’s happened to everyone? Where is the love?

Comment by miriam

Mims, I’m sure it’ll be back soon. Whilst stuck at home with knee knack and a rotten cough, the rage is flowing. When I recover, i’m sure I’ll be all sunshine and light.

Comment by Suave

I see you’ve perked up then.

Comment by Miss Field

No, I’m still in fucking agony. I want to smash jars of mayonnaise into peoples heads at the minute. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been watching Charlie Brookers screen wipe non stop all day.

Comment by Suave

Suave, bravo young man,bravo.

Comment by J Rod

Thank you..

/bows rather theatrically

Comment by Suave

Suppose I should be grateful that you haven’t heaped furious invective on my Harmy. But I expect you will. Please don’t become full of sunshing and light. It wouldn’t be natural

Comment by Ceci Masters

Why did Dimitri go! He was doing such a brilliant job chatting to those idiot commentators – I hope they mic him up when he’s captaining his county. I think he’d be so used to having someone talking in his ear now that he’ll need headphones while batting.

Comment by CurryCricketer

I think, Suave, the title of this post should be “I am the angry mob”…

Comment by Miss Field

It’s a lyric from song, but I thought it sat nicely. Can one person be a mob? Or do my multiple personalities count?

Comment by Suave

If you keep posting these controversial opinions I predict a riot.

Comment by Mel

I’m suprised James Anderson not on the list. Feel for that Flynn bloke though, but if you gonna get hit in the face by a James Anderson bouncer maybe you should be looking for a new Job. Most times jimmy drops short the ball goes flying not your your teeth.

Comment by Narkins

Boom boom Melly! Good spot…

Narkins, he was there on Wednesday. I was at interviews today, so didn’t have time to abuse him.

Tomorrow he gets it!

Comment by Suave

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