Suave's Republique Cricket

Things that I hate today.

IPL.. Fucking hurry up and get to the semi-final stage.  I’m fucked off with watching stupid Kallis and Dravid pretend they aren’t ancient.

Matthew Hayden.  This goes without saying.

Greame Smith.  For wanting to be Hayden.

Steve Harmison.  For breaking Hoggy’s thumb.

Chris Tremlett. For looking like he should kill people, but being a meek and mild twat.

Jimmy Anderson.  For being a useless twat for four balls an over, and looking great the other two.

Stuart Broad.  For believing his own hype.

Monty Panesar.  For being a starfish.

The England Selectors.  For not picking Adil Rashid.

The England Middle Order.  For not scoring any runs, and looking far too comfortable.

Mark Ramprakash.  Fucking hurry up and score that century, so we can all move on. Please!!

7 Comments so far
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I’m impressed by the number of English players on that list. Go you.

Comment by Miss Field

Thank you! I’m feeling the hate today.

Comment by Suave

I can’t think why you were passed over in favour of Atherton for the Times gig; your prose is much more succinct. I must just point out one mistake, however – surely you meant to type ‘Graeme Swann’ instead of Adil Rashid?

Comment by Mel

I couldn’t work for Mr Murdoch, Mel! That’s the only reason.

No, afraid not. Swanny’s only good enough for ODI’s, offspinners are crap in test cricket (unless they’re mystery spinners like Master Muralitheran).
It’s got to be a mystery spinner.

Comment by Suave

I think you and Mel must be sekrit twins Suave. You cannot work for Mr Murdoch and she cannot give her money to him and therefore is Sky-bereft. She has to rely on kindly friends to tell her all the Bumble fun she is missing and how lovely and pink and ginja Colly is looking, whilst she listens to Boycott hector, Agnew pontificate and Blowers flatulate.

Comment by Ceci Masters

How about Stuart Broad for stopping McCullum from entertaining us.

Comment by J Rod

That as well.. I’ll be doing a new one later today!

Comment by Suave

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