Suave's Republique Cricket


India in “Bejaasus, we’ve been spanked like a tory politician!”

Jaffer, textbook defence to a short ball from SA.

India, after capitulating so terribly on the first day’s play, have metaphorically been handed their arses on a plate, by an angry South Africa.

I reckon they were pissed off at having to bowl for three days on a shitty road, in the last test match. No fast bowler likes that sort of thing.

So they took their frustrations out on India in this one.

India have lost by an innings at 90 runs, inside three days. Ha!! That’s appalling. (To any of my Indian viewers, feel free to abuse me all you like, if SA do the same to The England, in this summers forthcoming test series!)

All round, this is a shoddy performance, from an overworked side. These guys should be looking for a rest after this test series, but they won’t get one, as the greedy f*ckers have all jumped on the IPL’s big bucks wagon..

Winners

Vehement letter C denier, A B De Villiers, scored a superb double century, and was ably supported by the most boring batsmen, ever to have lived, Jacques Kallis (close run thing between Kallis and Boycott, but Boycott edges him out, by being a funny old bastard).

The best quick in world cricket at present, Dale Steyn also took 8 wickets in the match, with superb pace bowling. He mixes his length, pace, and angles superbly, and looks so much smarter than most other quicks. He’s got about three different paced bouncers, which is horrible to face as batsman. Averaging 21.41 with a strike rate of 35. Scarily good.

Makhaya (I never touched her) Ntini. A good display from their most experienced bowler, with six important wickets in the match.

Irfan Pathan. Ended the match with 64 no. Two innings, not out both times. However, like the rest of the Indian fasts, he was poor with the ball.

Losers

The Indian top four. Jaffer, Sehwag, Dravid & Laxman. 109 runs from two innings, from that quartet of quality. That’s shit, with a capital SHIT!

The Indian pace attack. Sreesanth, RP Singh & Pathan. Three quick bowlers took 2 for 249. Compare that to South Africa’s quartet, who took 19 for 309, and you see where it all went wrong.

Conclusion

Gary Kirsten has a shit load of work to do before the final test, if India are to salvage a drawn series here. They will be missing Sachin again, so the top four really need to step up. Sehwag’s OK, after his mammoth score last test, but Jaffer, Dravid & Laxman need to start scoring big, and scoring at a decent clip.

Their fast bowlers look out of sorts, RP Singh especially, he’s looked shit in both of these test matches, and really needs to up his game, to return to the form he showed against The England last summer.


7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Is this a vision of things to come for India’s batting line-up after Tendulkar and co have retired?

With no Sachin for the Third Test, then Sehwag or Laxman will probably need to get medieval with Steyn.

Comment by A P Webster

It certainly looks a little shaky without him, and Dravid can’t have too much longer. Two fellas who average mid 50’s, is gonna hurt.

Sehwag will try, but whether he actually gets away with it, will depend on what sort of pitch they get. If it’s lifeless he might be alright, but if it’s a greentop, Sehwag’s in trouble!

Comment by Suave

India got the wrong guy as coach… Now, watch us choke, match after match 🙂

Comment by Homer

Just goes to show without manufactured slurs on Indian honour, the Indian cricket team revert to type.

Comment by Mentalist

Excellent work Homer!

Mentalist, I think you’re right, I don’t think they would have beaten The England at home if it weren’t the jelly bean incident.. They need it up em.

Comment by Suave

The hover text doesn’t work on this picture, at least not for me.

Comment by David Barry

David, it says…

Jaffer in textbook defence to a shortball from SA.

I reckon it got onto him a but quick!

Comment by Suave




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