Suave's Republique Cricket

What to do about Fred?

Do I come back as the worlds best all-rounder, or a medium pace trundler, shit arse batsman?!

Andrew Flintoff, one time worlds best all-rounder, is playing in UAE at the moment.  He’s stated that his aim is being selected for the first test against NZ at Lords on 15th May.

The problem with Fred at present, is that’s he’s too inconsistent with the bat, to be a number six, and he’s too injury prone to be a full time third seamer.

If he gets overs under his belt, and is still taking wickets at pace, and a decent amount of time in the middle for Lancashire, then he should be welcomed back into the side.

Who does he replace though?

There is a strong argument to get rid of one of the under-performing top six, with many shit arses to choose from.

Cook is a knobhead, who can’t bash NZ trundlers.  Although his youth should preserve him for the moment

Vaughan was fucking awful with the bat, and only has this next series to save his place.  Dominic Cork is already talking about him being replaced.  But then Corky always has been a rent-a-quote.

Struass still shouldn’t be overlooked, despite his career best 177.  As they say, one swallow doth not a summer make!

Collingwood has the fight and character, without the technique of say Bell, but he can be called on to bowl a bit, is a great fighter, and manages playing with the tail beautifully.

Bell needs to have a good hard look at himself.  He’s a wimp, who probably lacks self-esteem, which is why he can’t seem to impose himself on the opposition.  He was probably smacked about a bit at school, for being small and ginger (not that I agree with this).   He needs to develop a bit more of the old Napolean syndrome, like punter Ponting.

Or, do we go for a bowler.

At present, you’d have to say it can only be Jimmy Anderson who’s place is in real jeopardy after his hit and miss career.

He’s brilliant at times and pigshit for the rest of it..

This however, only appears to be a solution, if Fred can come back to full bowling capabilities.  There’s also the chance that Hoggard or A N Other will have taken Jimmy’s place by the time the first test is here.

Personally, I would leave Fred out of the equation until SA turn up to play.  That will give him the best chance to regain his batting form, get the overs necessary to prove that he can hack bowling for five days, and once again become the saviour of The English Cricket.

14 Comments so far
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Well, I think we can sustain Flintoff at six, so long as we have a quality 7 and 8 (and maybe even 9) as El Dunco Fletcho wanted. With Broad and Ambrose Doing The Business, perhaps he’s ok to come in. We should drop KP.

Comment by The Atheist

Drop KP?! That’s a bit leftfield, why so?

Comment by Suave

Well, you know…

Comment by The Atheist

Oi listen here you weekend fishnet stocking, high heel wearing onion, Punter is not a gnome. He is 1.78m tall which is 5’10” which is the average height of males in Aus.

He only looks like a dwarf cause he stands next to bean pole bowlers and brick shithouses like Haydos.

And yeah bring The FRED back. Honestly the only Englishman an Aussie could love.

Comment by Mentalist

You tell him, Mentalist!

Comment by Miss Field

Thanks Prom Queen er um Miss Field 🙂

Comment by Mentalist

Ponting’s 5’10”!? That is indeed what his Cricinfo profile says. That makes him two inches taller than me. I don’t believe it.

Comment by David Barry

That’s disapponting to find out.. He’s the same height as me!
Brilliant though mentalist, please don’t let everyone into my weekend forays as Martha McDoogle. My swinger friends will stop inviting me!

Comment by Suave

That makes you an inch shorter than me, David.

Comment by Miss Field

I’m 5’10” too which is why it gets up my nose when Punter is accused of being short. Is that a mistaken anti Napoleonic complex by proxy?

Surely someone here is taller than 5’10”?

Comment by Mentalist

I am, in 4-inch heels.

Comment by Miriam

Picture please!

Oops pardon my fetish.

Comment by Mentalist

Easy, tiger!

Comment by Miriam

My bad.

I thought you said 6 inch heels.

Size does matter!

Comment by Mentalist

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