Suave's Republique Cricket

What’s new pussycat?

I was going to write about Darrell Hair, but he’s a cock and I can’t be bothered.

Miss-Field and King Cricket have already written lovely pieces about this.

Part of me wishes I could be bothered to write about him for the puns.  Alas, today, I’m in more of a buns than a puns mood.

So for those who are in a buns mood too…

I love buns.

In other cricket news.  Paul Collingwood expects The England top six to kick on and get some big scores soon.

He also stated that it’s difficult to score centuries when batting at six.  Presumably, this is because it’s difficult to bat with the tail, and unless you get a decent knock with someone either above you in the order or the wicket keeper, you’re fucked.

Now I know why I’ve only ever scored one century in my cricketing career, they keep putting me in at six.  The swines!

It’s absolutely, positively, nothing to do with me being a shit arse slogger, who goes for 0 or 40.  Honest.

Tim Southee, the young buck kiwi quick has been added to the NZ squad for the final test, and may well get the nod in place of angry man Mark Gillespie.  I’m assuming this is because Gillespie has two stock deliveries, half tracker and the half volley.    Any one who gets all of their wickets by bouncing tail-enders, needs a reminding of this on many occasions by those same fellas in his innings.  Just ask the South Africans who bounced Devon Malcolm, on the 3rd day of a test, he was peppered by Donald (who’d been smashed around by Gough and Daffy) and De Villiers, and came out fucking angry.  They were all out about 45 minutes after tea for 175 in 50.3 overs, with Malcolm taking 9-57.   This is what fast bowlers need to do, controlled agression.

Sadly for my friend Jrod at Cricket With Balls , the Victorian Bushrangers got their arses handed to them on a plate, by NSW who are basically the Australian A side, with Bracken, Lee, Clark, Clarke and Jacques, Macgill and Brad Haddin too.  This makes NSW Pura Cup champions for the fourth time in six years.

Good day to you.

26 Comments so far
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Chocolate chips in hot cross buns shouldn’t be allowed.

Comment by Miss Field

are they not raisins [/currants/sultanas]?

Comment by Miriam

Yeah, I was just saying. I actually just ate a hot cross bun, and was thankful that it wasn’t a chocolate chip variety. Not on.

Comment by Miss Field

What? People don’t put chocolate chips in hot cross buns do they? If they do, I shall find them and remove them and their kin from the gene pool.

Comment by Suave

Oh would you? You’re such a considerate boy. I can tell you where they are but you’ll have to fund the journey (which shouldn’t be a problem seeing as you earn two million dollars a week). You’re a champ, Suavian.

Comment by Miss Field

damn natives and their meddling in all things English..

I shall be writing to the Daily Mail.

Fucked off of Maidstone, Kent

Comment by Suave

i could MURDER a hot cross bun right now. I’ll have one on Good Friday.

Comment by Miriam

I see what you did there Mims.. Just don’t let it rise again..

Comment by Suave

I actually wasn’t trying to do anything there! I actually do really want a hot cross bun after seeing the picture, and the next time I have one will be on Good Friday in the tea break to my rehearsal.

Comment by Miriam

And there was me thinking you was being all clever, making references to baby jeebus getting dead.

What are you rehearsing for?

Comment by Suave

if it’s Good Friday, it must be Stainer Crucifixion.

Comment by Miriam

I’m feeling a little bit silly at not getting Miriam’s accidental joke and Suave’s followup, but that was pretty funny.

Comment by David Barry

David Barry, imagine how I feel, I MADE the joke and didn’t get it. You’d have got my previous “imaginary number” joke though, I’m sure.

Comment by Miriam

Indeed, when I read what the Atheist said my first thought was similar to your comment. Paul Erdös (I think it was him) is famous for positing negative numbers on his own at the age of four, and here was a cricket blogger taking square roots of them!

Comment by David Barry

*exceptionally tragic confession alert*

When I was at college me and some of my friends used to play a game called “guess the number” which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. One day I was the “number setter” and one of my friends guessed my number in two guesses, as follows:

Him: “Is it a positive or negative?”
Me: “Hmmm sort of either and both”
Him: “Is it root 2?”
Me: [sheepishly] “Yes”.

Comment by Miriam

Are you soprano or alto mims?

Comment by Suave


Comment by Miriam

Mims the sop. hee hee..

Mims is an alcy.

Comment by Suave

can’t argue with that Suave.

Comment by Miriam

That is a rather tragic confession Miriam. The square root of two is not at all negative!

Comment by David Barry

I R Confuzed

Comment by Suave

Me also, but I know who I’m dealing with so am very happy to stand corrected, but I thought 2 (and all positive numbers) have two roots, one positive one negative? help needed!

Comment by Miriam

This exchange is going to attract a whole new type of Google searches.

Comment by Miss Field

If you just say ‘root 2’, then the convention is that you take the positive root. So, eg, the solutions to x^2 = 2 are plus or minus root 2.

Comment by David Barry

oic. Thank you.

I was playing the game with a maths student, and he didn’t call me up on my failure to adhere to the convention, but I think this was because he was so pleased to have guessed it in two.

Comment by Miriam

errm….what you wrote alongside those images???

Comment by straight point

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