Suave's Republique Cricket

The England, in “Blimey, sometimes we’re not shit” shocker..

That my friends, is how wide Harmison would have been.. Lucky they picked me, eh!

Well, what a day for The England..

They managed to push the score up to 342, with Ambrose reaching his century, and Collingwood adding an important 65. That score, now looks above par.

Then out comes Jimmy Anderson and has a barn stormer of an innings.. Maiden first up, wicket maiden second over. Took the wickets of the NZ top 5. Not a bad day really..

He had to come in to the side, although others believed he shouldn’t, The Atheist, King Cricket, after Hoggard admitted that he was one game away from being fit for a test match. Remember, this is AFTER he’d bowled pies in the first test match, to take the magic figures of 1/151.

This is unacceptable for any player. He didn’t just have a bad day, he admitted that he wasn’t fit enough, and wasn’t prepared. A man that earns £230,000 a year to play test match cricket, fucking should be ready!!

Stuart Broad was a bit more wayward, but no more so than Harmison, and he is learning his trade at the top level. He did well to take the wicket of McCullum, when he was just starting to look dangerous.

Sidebottom bowled well again, without much reward, and Collingwood, with his military medium seam bowling, took a very handy 3/23.

The England, then batted sensibly for the final five overs before stumps. I must take exception to Miss Field’s post. On a pitch where the ball is seaming and swinging, with five overs to go before stumps, it’s batten down the hatches, and finish the day with no wickets down. Maybe the Aussies would have gone out and smashed 25 runs in that time, but I very much doubt it.. Sensible batting, which leaves The England 148 runs ahead with 10 wickets in hand. If they reach anything over 300 as a lead in this test, they will win.

Again, I expect that to come and bite on me on the arse!

The Days winners and losers


Tim Ambrose for reaching his maiden test century, and his very effective keeping.

Paul Collingwood for his 65, and 3/23. Good all-round performance

Jimmy Anderson. A great day with the ball. When he pitched it on, or just outside off-stump, he was unplayable.

Ross Taylor who’s turning into a fine test match player. After his superb century in Hamilton, he scored a decent 53 today.

Daniel Vettori proving time and time again, what an awkard batsman he is.. Another innings, another 50.


Tim Ambrose for not pushing on after reaching his hundred (a bit harsh, but he should have knuckled down)

Stephen Fleming. He scratched around today, and got himself out, to a poor shot. He has never scored a century at his home ground. He needs 144 runs in his next three innings to secure an average of 40.

The New Zealand opening pair. Failed again. They are lucky that they bat properly all the way to 8, or this would have been a thrashing

Monty Panesar. His fielding today, was village. Really fucking village.

28 Comments so far
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Well, at least you’ve above being smug, Suavey.

But Hoggy would have taken six on this pitch.


Comment by The Atheist

Smug, me, never!!

I was trying to point out that discipline is the answer. A man shouldn’t turn up underprepared for a test match, and admit to it afterwards.

He’s got to be shown a lesson. Strauss is next though. If he doesn’t get a hundred, i’m personally going to cut his face off, and mail it to his mum.

Comment by Suave

So what’s the plan for tomorrow?

Don’t you think they’d have been better not sending in an opener, and trying to get a few runs, than just doing nothing? Well, ‘nothing’ would be an exaggeration, and I’m not the type to exaggerate, as you know. Very little.

Comment by Miss Field

Not for five overs no.. I don’t think you’ll find any team in world cricket that will go out smashing, in the last five overs on day two, when there’s still three days left.

THe plan should be, bat all day, get lead of at least 300. put them in. bowl them out.

Comment by Suave

Oh carn mate, there’s a canyon between ‘go out smashing’ and scoring two runs in five overs. No one expected them to go out smashing, and the Enzedder bowling isn’t great enough to be the reason they couldn’t make any.

Comment by Miss Field

I think England did the right thing by preserving the wickets.

I also think Monty’s fielding was village IN THE EXTREME. the Steven Fleming non-run-out was redonk.

Comment by Miriam

Missy, I’m with the others. There is no team on this planet (except Suave’s exciting-sounding village outfit) that wouldn’t have done what England did in the last few overs.

They couldn’t have got any serious runs, so why take the risk?

Comment by The Atheist

There’s a whole three days left to win this test match. There’s no point in rushing it. See off the new ball, smash em up, knock em down.

Mims, that was bad, but it was a bad throw from KP. It was the two that went through his legs, that wound me up!

Comment by Suave

There’s a whole three days left to win this test match. There’s no point in rushing it.

Just remember who we’re talking about here.

Do you’ll think England will win?

Comment by Miss Field

I am going to stick my neck out, put my “reputation” on the line, and say: YES, I have faith. If I have faith, then it’s more likely to happen, right?

Comment by Miriam

Oh yes! Within four days too.
If I was a Kiwi, I wouldn’t be buying a ticket for the last days play.

Comment by Suave

Miss Field, you don’t want to send in a slogger or nightwatchman, because even if you gain some runs early, you’ll probably lose more later when a recognised batsmen (batting at eight rather than seven) is left with no partners.

Comment by David Barry

David Barry do you have statistics for that? I bet you do, don’t you?

Comment by Miriam

I do! Well, Charles Davis does, and I’ve read them. Here.

Comment by David Barry

Why thank you! v interesting.

Comment by Miriam

Miriam, faith, hurrah!

Yes I get that you’re all ganging up on me, but I stand by what I said, I think England were silly and I disagree that all other teams would have done the same thing.

If I could be bothered I’d look through past matches to find out… but meh. If anyone can be bothered finding out and proves me wrong, I promise I’ll post a retraction. Gladly.

Comment by Miss Field

Brilliant, David.. Thanks for that. I love stats guru’s. I also love statsguru.

Comment by Suave

No-one is ganging up on you Missy, but extraordinary claims, require extraordinary proof! A fine Atheist statement, after all the talk of faith..

Comment by Suave

Miss Field, never fear, if Eng end up a few runs short with loads of wickets in hand, you can “I told you so” us as much as you like.

Comment by Miriam

Oooh I’d like to think I’m better than an “I told you so” but let’s face it, I’m not… I’d have to do it subtley. Still, whatever happens it will be interesting.

Comment by Miss Field

I don’t see why people dislike nightwatchmen, stats be damned!

I think they’re fab.

And, besides, without Hoggy, England are without one.


Comment by The Atheist

Wait, I have a question. If they wanted to be cautious, why bother getting two? If they were going to get two in five overs, surely they could have got, say, eight?

Or do you think after those initial runs Vaughan told him not to go for any more?

Comment by Miss Field

Because sometimes in cricket, there’s only one bad ball. That one would have been tucked away for two.

The rest were most likely good balls, or ones that aren’t worth risking your wicket for, with five overs remaining.

Comment by Suave

Surely New Zealand aren’t that good.

Comment by Miss Field

They’ve got three seam bowlers with a better average than any of The England bowlers.

They’re not shit.

Comment by Suave

they have prob the best no.8 in the world. One thing I certainly have learnt recently is that New Zealand are plenty good enough. I’m worrying for Suave and the tshirt bet.

Comment by Miriam

The biggest loser from day 2 was Auckland Cricket.

They are now rightly vilified up and down NZ for playing Anderson into form last week by using him in a 4-day State Championship match.

Perfidious Auckland. Snakes in the grass.

Comment by Sportsfreak

You might be alright though Sportsfreak, he left the ground on crutches after a football accident. He’s turned his ankle over.

Comment by Suave

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