Suave's Republique Cricket

My predictions for the weekend
March 7, 2008, 2:22 pm
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: , ,

As it’s my birthday tomorrow, I’ve got a weekend of sex, drugs and rock and roll lined up.

So before I depart for the weekend, I’ll state my predictions for this weekends cricket, and you can all laugh at me on Monday, when I’ve got every one of them wrong!

I can see into the future.  I can see that The England will continue to be shit.

Bob Willis to continue to bore the shit out of viewers on Sky Sports.  Listening to him is like lying in your own coffin, hearing rainwater seep through the cracks.

The England to have a batting collapse tomorrow, and the test match to be decided within four days.

This will make Suave angry with The England players, and every single one of whom, I will learn to hate twice as much as Hayden.

If The England get to bowl again, Harmison will have a nervous breakdown on the middle of the pitch, and need to be carried away in a straight jacket.

Journalists to belittle the Kiwi’s with talk of how quaint it is, in Hicksville, NZ.

David Lloyd to decide that the pitch is to test match standard, after all.

That’s all I can think of today after a belly full of beer for lunch..

13 Comments so far
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Listening to him is like lying in your own coffin, hearing rainwater seep through the cracks. wahahahaha
It’s after midnight here so happy birthday mate. I hope at least one of your predictions is right… you can probably guess which one.

Comment by Miss Field

Thanks missy..

yes, I’ve got an inkling..

Bally natives!

Comment by Suave

That coffin thing is actually my worst nightmare.

Comment by Miriam

I stole that phrase from Charlie Brooker..

The sharpest man in Britain, I reckon..

Don’t have nightmares Mims, imbibe too much, and you’ll sleep without dreams.

Comment by Suave

My worst nightmare was being dragged by fish hooks through my eyelids to watch my brother die in a fire.

Bit odd.

Comment by Miss Field

I read a story on the train today about a man who was buried alive and survived for two hours because of Buddhist breathing techniques.

A normal human being should have survived no longer than five minutes. Here’s the full story:

That story will haunt me forever.

Anyway…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUAVE! If I could personally abuse the Englanders for you as a birthday present, I would.

It’s the thought that counts, after all.

Comment by The Atheist

I was going to ask how he got out after two hours, but I thought it would be prudent to first read the story, and so now I don’t need to.

Go him. I’d be dead in 30 seconds. *Oh no, I’m trapped… *panic panic panic* flatline*

Comment by Miss Field

Thanks for that story, Atheist. Some of the Buddhist meditation can do extraordinary things to human physiology. There’s a case of a Lama staying warm for six weeks after his death, presumably because of something in the way he trained his body.

Comment by David Barry

u r really harsh….bob willis is bad but not THAT bad now heheh…

Comment by The Sporting Spirit

Well, in the end you weren’t far off. For your birthday you wanted an England batting collapse and a nz win, and the boys have duly obliged.

Comment by miriam

I should also say – well played, new Zealand. They did my favourite thing by daring to lose (with that slightly cheeky declaration) and it paid off. Bloody good show, chaps.

Comment by miriam

Many happy returns of the day.

Vettori pulled the rug

Comment by Soulberry

omg.. good work, dude

Comment by Heronyt

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