Suave's Republique Cricket


Honours even? No; bollocks are they, The England For The Win!

I really hope that headline doesn’t come to bite me on the arse!!

After a proper piece of cricket journalism, for the preview yesterday, don’t expect anything like that today!

A late night, made even later by a screaming child an hour after I eventually got to sleep, has left my brain as mush.

It started badly for The England, with no wickets while the ball was swinging.

Not that they bowled poorly, more the pitch was lifeless.

How and Bell started very slowly, but after seven overs, picked up the pace. They had soon put on 40 for the opening partnership. which while not exactly setting the world alight, is eight higher than NZ’s average opening pair.

On came Gormless, and showed why he was once considered to be the worlds finest bowler..

His second over went a little something like this..

A slowish ball (at this stage, all he had was slow, slower or slowest), on the stumps and defended

A slow, over-pitched shocker which was rightly smashed to the cover boundary

A rank wide long hop, that was smashed up and over slips, to the third man boundary

Then came the piece de resistance: A rubbish wide delivery, that was too full, and lacked pace. Bell however had got his eye in, and was seeing the glory. He chased at it, with little or no foot movement, and slashed it straight to Cook at gully.

After that he returned to his normal greatness.

Oxymoron Sidebottom had a very good day, taking 2-39 and going for less than 2 an over.

The best moment of the day, was seeing Fleming looking incredulously, as his slash through the gully region, was picked out of nowhere by Eyeliner boy himself, FEC Alastair Cook.

A stunning catch, and a great day all round in the field for Cooky.. Three catches, two of which, were absolute corkers.

Collingwood had a good day also, taking 1/16, with a great caught & bowled. He followed this up with a sharp slip catch, to get rid of Sinclair off Panesar.

Hoggard has upset me today, the yeoman, so steady and reliable. was spanked around for nearly five an over. In the same number of overs as Sideshow bob, he went for nearly 60 runs more.

Come on the Hoggster, don’t join my “I’m a little disappointed with you” list, it’s no place to be, i can tell you!

New Zealand really should have done better. How, started brightly, and should have got a century, McCullum should have reigned himself in a little.

The plus points for NZ are that Taylor & Vettori are both in, and this will give them a chance to go on to post a decent total.

But I’m in it for the win it.

Prediction for todays play

The England, to bowl ’em out early, and put themselves in to a strong first innings position.


11 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Suddenly it seems The England can catch.

Comment by Miriam

Oxymoron Sidebottom – knew there was something wrong with him. 🙂

Comment by Ottayan

Cooky was phenomonal!! I’ve seen him like that once or twice for Essex, but mostly, he’s guff.
Let’s hope that he’s turning the corner!

Comment by Suave

Suavey, I’ve never noticed the oxymoronery of Siders’ name there. But you are, as always, right.

According to what little I heard of Boycott’s analysis before I passed out last night, was that they were bowling too short. Although, he always says that – especially when they get driven to the boundary.

I have a horrible feeling that the clouds are going to come over tomorrow, making it impossible for England to bat. Or, that’ll be their excuse.

Comment by The Atheist

Oxymoron wasn’t, he was the only bowler pitching up..
Hoggard started well, then fell to pieces.
Harmison was just his normal tight and consistent self, and Monty did a fair job on a first day wicket.
Collingwood, pitched up too, and had some success.

Short stuff is OK, as long as it’s short and aimed at the batsmans chin/head.

They were bowling short and wide. That’s the staple diet of the Kiwi.

Comment by Suave

The catching was superb.

The ground fielding was appalling. Tufnell would’ve shone in that effort.

I thought oxymoron seemed to be carrying an injury? It’ll be interestng to see how he backs up today.

Watch for Vettori to play one of those really annoying innings 🙂

Comment by Sportsfreak

It was. They did the same in Sri Lanka. All over the top, with their shying at the stumps. Agressive, with no real end result.

He was bowling at 86mph, which isn’t bad, but he did have a hamstring problem, before the test.

Hopefully, Hoggard will be back to normal, and I can’t even begin to think how Harmy will be. I guess we’ll wait and see!

I know, I’m sure he will.. He averages 41 at Seddon Park, so let’s hope he doesn’t match that!

Comment by Suave

If you’re bowling at 125 kph (that’s a modern measurement Suave, look it up) and not swinging it then you’re easy meat.

Harmison is just plain funny; I love watching him bowl to left-handers.

Comment by sportsfreak

The England appear to have played Ross Taylor into form.

Comment by Miriam

Come on Miriam; I’m sure England are still on top.

McCullum must be really kicking himself now. He’d have had such fun playing with that stuff this morning.

Comment by sportsfreak

The commentators are currently going on about how shite Chris Martin is as a batsman. Gaah, now they’ve put a graphic up too of his batting statistics, and they’re joking about how his highest score was against Bangladesh. Stop tempting fate, bitches!

Comment by Miriam




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