Suave's Republique Cricket

World News Today

I’m gonna smash you up, behind the bikesheds, ya flamin drongo!

Matthew Hayden is still a bear like, orphan eating fuck head. He called Harbajhan Singh an “obnoxious little weed”, and then offered a gangly 19yr old to a boxing match.. ooh, tough guy! Proper school bully like, that.

“I don’t like what you said to me, so I’m gonna biff you up”.

What happened to “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD”

God bothering twat.

And please, can we all stop complaining about sledging. It’s part of the game, and always will be.

Do as Michael Vaughan did, in 2005. Ricky Ponting was sledging him as he came in to bat, and he retorted “Who the fuck do you think you are, Steve Waugh”. It shut him up, and they moved on.

King Cricket summed up the situation rather nicely, I thought.

This is a quote so beautiful, we couldn’t believe our eyes when we first read it. It’s BCCI secretary Niranjan Shah in response to Ishant Sharma’s fine for aggressive behaviour and it’s so good it’s getting a paragraph of its own and appearing in italics.

“Basically the Australian players are starting the whole thing.”

‘But they started it.’ Has there ever been a stronger defense than that. That ALWAYS works, doesn’t it?

During the next match, we fully expect Ricky Ponting to fire his finger into the air when Australia are in the field and shout ‘TELLING’, before marching off to find a figure of authority.

Andrew Strauss looks as though he’ll play in the first test against New Zealand, after proving that he’s in the form of his life, by scoring 4 from 25.
I can only hope that he fails against the Dunedin XI, and the selectors finally realise he’s FUCKING SHIT!!!!

I’m feeling the rage today, so there’s every chance I’ll go postal, with Geoff Miller. Geoff Miller will be talking to people in the third person, through a wired jaw, if Strauss does play.

Bradley Hogg has retired, which means that I will no longer have to put up with that fucking retarded tongue, haunting my dreams.

How on earth could a woman have sex with a man that leaves his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, every time he does anything that requires effort.

Here endeth the rant.

21 Comments so far
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I’m looking forward to India moving on. This cricket summer has dragged.

Comment by Miss Field

Me too.

I’m so fucking bored of Australia vs India.

Comment by Suave

Brad Hogg related to Michael Jordan, by any chance?

Comment by Ottayan

Michael Jordan did it, to show how good he was..
It was a choice.

Brad Hogg can’t help it. His tongue hangs out at all times, like a thirsty Labrador.

Comment by Suave

He got a woman pregnant, perhaps with the tongue.

Comment by J Rod

I hope for her sake, the lights were out. Seeing that slavering old beast above you, would be hellish!

Comment by Suave

Think you’re bored of Australia-India? Prepare yourself for the bore-fest that will be England-NZ, playing each other for what will seem like the rest of our lives. At least Aus-Ind had the decency to add some spice. Now we don’t even have Jesse Ryder any more.

Comment by Miriam

Suave, you’ve sorted out the spamming problem! Hooray for you!

Comment by Miriam

I know mims… It’s gonna be a bad time. We’ve then got two series against the Saffers. this is going to be the worst summer ever!

Comment by Suave

And I’m glad that it’s all sorted.

Hopefully, no more spam lists for you.

As they say, no-one puts baby in the spam list!

Comment by Suave

Hey, NZ doesn’t normally get to play test cricket, so what is effectively a 6-test series over the next 3 months is heaven for us!

Even if it is England.

Comment by sportsfreak

Looks like your prayers re the Wing Commander are being answered Suave; out for 5 in the latest match. Unless it’s all part of a cunning plan to get O’Brien in the test side…

Mind you, he still scored 5 more than the guy with no chin.

Comment by sportsfreak

Sportsfreak, I am going to a little bit of it, so if NZ put on a good show for me all will be forgiven.

Comment by Miriam

I assume you’re talking about the matches in England?

If you’re lucky, Jesse might be right to join up with the lads for the ODIs. Can you look after him please?

Comment by sportsfreak

Sportsfreak, you know I will look after him very, very well indeed. I’ll put all my glassware on high shelves and everything.

Comment by Miriam

Just make sure you say nice things to him Miriam, and you’ll be fine.

The main problem with his outburst in the hospital is that some “mother of 3” went all cry-baby to the media about how rude he was. Apparently he gave her a bit of lip because he didn’t know who he was.

Served her right.

Comment by sportsfreak

Ooh I hate it when the media says things like “mother of 3” , and “Mrs Smith, speaking from her £750,000 Surrey home”, and “Olivia, who attended the exclusive £15,000-a-year school”.

I adore Jesse, but I do think that the A&E situation might be one where his size was a disadvantage. He was probably saying “lady, I’m one of NZ’s most promising cricketers, I’m a cult hero, I need my hands, would you be ever so kind as to sew me up as quickly as possible?”, whereas she probably looked him up and down and thought “pissed injured fat blokes, it must be Saturday”.

Comment by Miriam

The mother of 3 was a fellow patient (well, one of the 3 with her was)

It seems like Ryder felt he should be allowed to jump the queue ahead of Timmy, and his annoying cough.

Comment by sportsfreak

“I hope for her sake, the lights were out. Seeing that slavering old beast above you, would be hellish!” – Suave

Are the lights on or off in your dreams? Are they hellish? LOL

Comment by Mentalist

Fortunately, Mentalist, the dreams stopped after an intensive stay at a local hospital.

They CHARGED me a lot, but I’m better now.

Comment by Suave

[…] in “we’re shit shocker” February 28, 2008, 9:21 am Filed under: Cricket Andrew bloody Strauss, failed miserably, […]

Pingback by The England, in “we’re shit shocker” « Suave’s Republique Cricket

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