Suave's Republique Cricket

Come in Jimmy, your time is up!
February 13, 2008, 10:08 am
Filed under: Cricket

Jimmy Anderson.

I should stick to paper thongs and spray tans.

In the last two ODI’s against New Zealand, Jimmy Anderson bowled 9 overs for 78 runs, with no wickets, at 8.66rpo.

I think you’ll agree, that is SHIT, with a capital SHIT. 

He also missed out in the last T20, with no wickets there either..

Bring in the monster that is Chris Tremlett.  Jimmy’s just not up to the job at the moment.

I’m a poor mans Harmison, who’s a very poor mans, Curtly Ambrose.  Hang on, I think Suave’s having a dig at me!!

Tremlett on his day is a cracking bowler, with pace and bounce, what with him being a really tall fella..

But, and this is a big BUT (Jesse Ryder sized butt) he averages just shy of 50 with the ball in ODI’s, which is Mohammed Sami in test cricket, major league, absolute bally shit!

You know what they say though, a change is as good as a rest.

In the spin quarters, we also have laugh a minute buffoon, Graeme Swann

Look at me, I’m a funny fella!! Ho Ho..  How about stop with larking around, you halfwit, and start taking some f*cking wickets!

5 overs, 44 runs, no wickets, 8.8rpo.

That’s proper shit.

If I was Peter Moores, I’d have to drop him and play the old fella James Tredwell.

James Tredwell

I’m only 25, but I look 45..  Damn you androgenic alopecia!

Jimmy Tredwell had a decent season in List A last year, and should be given a chance.

He looks about 40 though, which is a shame, cos he’s not.  He’s a young fella.  25 years old…  How about that!

Also, if I was Peter Moores, I’d be decent wanky wicky (which i’m not), I’d be earning a fair bit more than I currently do, but I’d be doing a job I loved. 

Instead I write poncy fucking processes that no-one adheres to, and I rant about the cricket to keep me sane.

I’d also be a buck toothed, ugly old fella.  So thank WG Grace for small mercies!

22 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Poor Jimmy Tredwell… cruel words, he can’t help it.

Comment by Miss Field

I know..

I’m not being horrible to him, just feel sorry for the bloke.
He’s six years younger than me, but looks ten years older than me!

Comment by republiquecricket

Well that’s your good fortune I say. Besides, you think you look your age, doesn’t mean you do!

People always think I’m older than I am. Not that I have the same problem as young Jimmy, thankfully.

Comment by Miss Field

That’s a fair point, missy!

Well that’s your good fortune I’d say.. Male pattern baldness would be a real problem for a female.

Comment by republiquecricket

Jimmy Anderson is to England what Ajit Agarkar was to India. They share a copywright: and it’s called the “HITME BALL”. It’s basically a half volley anywhere from outside off to down your legs. This is also their stock delivery. At times tho, they bowl variations, like the limp half tracker, or the full toss curving going down leg. In reaction, they both shrug, with that glazed, “oh no, not again, infatuation!” Spare the Rod Stewart, spoil the…

Comment by Naked Cricket

Nudey fella, that’s brilliant.

He can produce unplayable deliveries, which is why he’s in the side, but you’re right, his stock delivery is SMASH, boundary, four runs.

Comment by republiquecricket

What processes do you write?

Comment by Miss Field

I right ITIL Processes. I am a technical writer, so I document how IT systems should be used and managed.

Comment by republiquecricket

If you spell “shit” with a capital “shit”, does that give you shit-shit.

That’s heavy with the shit there. Just like Jimmy Anderson.

Comment by The Atheist

Yeah, that is pretty shit.

So you don’t like your job?

Comment by Miss Field

Suave takes this cricket lark far too seriously. He’s even bought himself a bowler hat.

Comment by the hillbilly

Good point, The Atheist, but I think it sums him up rather nicely..

Miss Field..
No, I hate computers, but seem to have a flair for them, and how to translate complex systems and information, into easily accessible formats. I wish i could bat or play guitar, the way I process technical data…

I do it, because it pays lots of money, which enables me to spend time playing/watching cricket, and enjoying my life outside of work.

Comment by republiquecricket

My dear friend The Hillbilly, how very nice of you to join us!!

I do own a bowler hat, which looks rather dashing, if I do say so myself!

Comment by republiquecricket

Watching Jimmy trying to bounce out Our Jessie the other night was one of the many highlights…

Comment by sportsfreak

I wouldn’t mind too much, if he tried it for an over, and realised it didn’t work, and moved on. but no, the twat carried on.
Then young medallion man came on and did the exact same thing..
They couldn’t adjust.

Skippers got to take some blame..

Comment by republiquecricket

See if you could bat you could play for England. So it’s all your fault they’re shit.

Comment by Miss Field

I hold my hands up!

If only I’d spent more time playing cricket, instead of football, or instead of the sex, drugs and rock and roll, I’d be batting at no3, and holding innings together.

Unfortunately, I missed out on coaching, and now swing the bat wildly, and bowl like a drain!

Comment by republiquecricket

Nice way of expressing things.


Comment by Anish

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