Suave's Republique Cricket


Strauss in “I’m still shit” shocker.

I’m still shit! I can’t believe the natives of NZ have found me out too!

Andrew Strauss

Wing Commander flew out to New Zealand early, to get some practice in, before rightfully resuming his place at the top of the order for The England.

He’d signed up to play for Northern Districts, which I’m assuming is a place on the north island where there are those famed animals Districts.

A rest was all he needed, before he re-discovered the awesome form, which saw him become the second fastest player in history to 1000 runs (recently overtaken by King Probot, Mike Hussey).

Alas, it hasn’t happened. Posh lad is still fucking shit. Averaging 20 after 8 innings with a topscore of 39, playing in New Zealand. Even Alex Gidman averages more. Now that’s embarrassing.

How on earth can he be considered for The England’s test squad, when he can’t even batter New Zealand’s district trundlers..

As opening partnerships go, Wing Commander & Trescothick were pretty fucking good. With Cosmo Pinup Cook however, they were shit. They never get us off to a decent start, primarily, because they both have the same technique/temperament (CPCook being a better player)

Cook & Vaughan looked good in Sri Lanka, and for the first time in a fair while, actually gave us two 100run opening partnerships.

Here is my message to Sociopath Geoff Miller.

Clip his wings, and send him home.

Please.

UPDATE

Michael Vaughan had this to say about Shit Posh Lad.

“There’s a real chance that Strauss coming back will mean my moving down to number three,” he said ahead of the first Test on 4 March.

“If I open that’s fine but I also love batting at three and I think that’s a good position for a captain to be at.

“Strauss has come back because he has a huge amount of character, great experience and we like that – he has always opened and I like batting at three, so I expect that’s how it’ll be.”

Stupid Captain thunderbird.


19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

There is no south african left in him now. Good for him, bad for your cricket team.

Comment by Uncle J rod

Now we’ll have to scour South Africa, for some other Dirty Kolpak player to take over the reigns..

Maybe Jacques Rudolph.. Not a bad player, in three years he’ll be qualified.

Comment by republiquecricket

Well, considering that most of the world is part of the English British Empire, don’t you think you should just, you know, revoke their independence. Send some gun boats over to the Cape to get our players back.

Comment by The Atheist

I’m all for it, as long as I don’t actually have to fight.
Being a Suave sort of fellow, I reckon I’ll take the rank of General and drink good quality port all day, whilst watching the boys from afar!
Much like my normal days!

Comment by republiquecricket

General Suave I must protest. Captain Virgil isn’t stupid! Deluded maybe, foolish yes, and damn near-sighted for not spotting me. But stupid… you go too far!

Comment by Miss Field

I’m sorry to upset your lovely Virgil..
But if he thinks that picking Shit Posh Lad is a winning idea, then I shall have to thrash him within an inch of his life.

It’s madness I tells ya..

Comment by republiquecricket

Nah don’t thrash him, obviously he likes pain, or else he wouldn’t make dumb suggestions that lead to repeated failures.

Comment by Miss Field

Good point… I’ll banish him to western australia, where you can get all Annie Wilkes on him!

Comment by republiquecricket

Haha dirty bird. I’ll hobble him at the knee.

Comment by Miss Field

I reckon you could do that, by stroking him gently. His knees are as brittle as the most brittle thing from brittle land.
Which, let me tell you, is reasonably brittle I’d say!

Comment by republiquecricket

Your man Strauss was nicked out by fringe test bowler Iain O’Brien (he of the pierced belly button MF) for 10 yesterday.

Comment by sportsfreak

Wing Commander has still got it!!

I reckon he’s lulling you all in, to a false sense of security, just like your team did.

Rubbish now, but when the real games start, superduper.

Comment by republiquecricket

Ian Butler, whose test career was spent at #10, looked better.

Comment by Sportsfreak

He is.

Alas, the two sociopaths Vaughan & Miller, are still suggesting that he will open.

Comment by republiquecricket

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