Suave's Republique Cricket


The England are suave.

Back again… Had to disappear for a couple of days (how dare my employers force me to work for my extortionate salary!)

Things I’ve learnt about The England cricketers this morning..

I’m a soft lad, me..

Jimmy Anderson wears paper thongs (not flip flops, you antipodeans), and has spray tans. He is also considered the best dressed player by his team mates. He also has a beautiful wife….

Suave may give me a good shooing, but she’s going to nurse me better!

Stuart Broad makes female journalists swoon. Ricky Schroder seems to have given up his child acting career to become a cricketer. How queer.

I am a child star.  I have avoided prostitution and drug addiction.  I am now an international bowling sensation.

Paul Collingwood loves Hugo Boss, and won’t be seen in the streets wearing make-up.

I love dressing up me.

Anderson, Broad & Cook all posed naked for an issue of Cosmopolitan.

Unfortunately Miss-Field, no horny for Vaughany in this issue.. So I’ve included a little piccy for your pleasure.

WE IZ MODELZ!

This is not the behaviour of a team ready to fight!

Luckily, we’re only playing New Zealand. Who are marginally better than Bangladesh, and a tad better than the West Indies (although I reckon it’s close).

I predict a white-wash for The England .

Ian Bell as highest run scorer.

Matthew Hoggard, with most wickets.

Everyone looking and dressing well.

Unfortunately, I try this sort of thing. Every now and than I try to dress well for cricket. Even going as far as looking like Douglas Jardine.

Suave.  Mean.  Why are these fellas bowling beamers at me?

I wore the white tie, open neck shirt combination.  I had a shocker that day.  I refused to get my whites dirty, so never dived to stop anything.  My lazy off spin, didn’t, and was lazier than usual.  The opposition bowlers didn’t take to kindly to me suaving it up, so they bowled three beamers at me, and every other ball was short.

I scored 2, I bowled three overs for 45.

England beware.


10 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I am in love with Mrs Anderson. Which seems like an odd matrix reference.

Comment by Uncle J rod

Ding dong!

Ah, now I’m getting images of his wife in all PVC outfits.

Comment by republiquecricket

That is some seriously nasty Jimmy Anderson imagery you have provided me with.
On the other hand you’ve counter balanced it nicely with that lovely picture, you considerate lad you. Cheers. Matty Hoggard looks very, very different in that photo.

Comment by Miss Field

The wonder of photoshop..

Although it does make Virgil look like he’s got a hunchback.

Comment by republiquecricket

Yeah his attempt at suave comes across as mildly disabled. Anyway he should be front and centre. In fact, you can get rid of the others.

Comment by Miss Field

Yes, I was about to say, please can I borrow Matthew Hoggard’s airbrush.

Comment by Miriam

Ah suave, you just keep all that whitewash talk up.

Complacency, a frequent danger to England, is likely to pose a much stiffer challenge than what NZ can do on its own…

Comment by Sportsfreak

Well said sportsfreak.

Comment by Miss Field

Ahhh… I bet you are eating your words about New Zealand now… pretty pathetic England… go back to posing for the pretty pictures.

Comment by AUSSIE AUSSIE

Aussie Aussie..

I tend to find that eating ones own words, is rather tasteless.

I prefer, like Matthew Hayden, to eat orphans.

Comment by Suave




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