Suave's Republique Cricket


Time for a scrap boys… M-V
January 24, 2008, 3:57 pm
Filed under: Cricket

Continuing where I left off earlier today. 

Monty Panesar

I am a Sikh Warrior.  We have a long and colourful history, and we love a scrap!

Look at him, all haloed up..

As long as he doesn’t ensnare me in his 10inch hands and strangle me to death, I’ve got the MontSter all worked out.

Victory to me.

Phil Mustard

I’m hot and spicy, and i’m also a tabloid journalists dream..

Mustard may be hot and delicious.  I need to be a little careful with this fella.

His nickname is Colonel, too.  Colonel Mustard always did someone in with a blunt instrument, in the library.

Victory for Mustard.

Owais Shah

They don’t call me Ace for nothing, sunshine..  I’ve just dealt you the Ace Of Spades!

Old Acey baby… He looks like I Imagine Shalimar the Clown to be..  Therefore he’s a super killer, with no emotions.

Therefore he wins.  Shit.

Ryan Sidebottom

Ooh I could crush a grape!

No, I’m not having this. 

Have you ever seen his pathetic attempts to look angry, on the field of play.  He’s about as scary as Stu’ Francis.

“Ooh I could jump off a doll’s house”

“Ooh, I could wrestle with a Barbie Doll”

Suave wins in five, TKO.

Andrew Strauss

As a Wing Commander in HM RAF, I was trained in hand to hand combat.  Bring it on Suave!

RAF Trained, wears pink cricket shirts.   I imagine Strauss to be a weeper and bed wetter.

All over inside three, Suave winning with a right cross, left uppercut combination!

Graeme Swann

I’m a joker, with a penchant for a lay in..

Swanny would be too busy trying to cut my tie, or put deep heat in my pants.

A Glasgow kiss, and a tweaked nipple, and I’m victorious in eight.

Michael Vaughan

I am Virgil, I have the full backing of my thunderbird friends!

Now skipper’s a different kettle of chips..  Tough player, rubbish athlete, can’t catch for toffee..

If he gets the rest of his Thunderbird mates in tow, I’m in real trouble.

If not, I’ve got the plan.

First up, full blown kick to the dodgy knee.  He’s down, and I’m in control.  After that, it’s an hour or so of torture and Suave wins again.

It’s been proved categorically, that I would hammer most of the English Cricket team.

I now expect an open top bus ride, around London, and an MBE!


7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

“He’s down, and I’m in control.”
… that’s what she said

Comment by the scientician

You can’t stop yourself can you.

(I know, I know, that’s what she said, I know).

Comment by Miriam

I thankyooo…

Nice work, Dr Scientician..

Comment by republiquecricket

Open top bus ride, tickertape in Trafalgar, MBE… you’re getting way ahead of yourself. That only happens when you unconvincingly defeat Australians. Could you?

Comment by Miss Field

We shall see.. If I can be bothered, over the next week or so, I may continue this series.

‘Straya will be next.

Comment by republiquecricket

If you can be bothered?! Now where’s your get up and go, lad. That was a very English response… there are Australians waiting to be defeated out there.

Comment by Miss Field

Continue man, let’s seeya beat the hell out of the ‘Strayans, the “maa-kis”, the “Paakis”…

Comment by Abhishek




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