Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Church Of Sehwagology, Creationism, Delhi Daredevils, Fake IPL Player, God, IPL, IPL 2009, SAPL, Sehwagology, Virender Sehwag
Kung fu & dressing like The England.
As we learnt in part one, there are ways of getting Lord Sehwag out.
One, is Kung Fu.
The other, is to dress him up like he’s a The England player.
See what happens, get him in a navy blue & red outfit, and he automatically becomes shit. Or maybe he’s scared of the
Fake IPL Player revealing his true identity as the one true Deity.
This may be lies, fabrications & half truths, but it’s a theory. Just like creationism.
Filed under: Cricket, Misdirection | Tags: Cricket, Daniel Vettori, india, Mclean Park, Napier, New Zealand, Sehwagology, Virender Sehwag
Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting...
How do you get rid of Lord Sehwag, when he’s in great nick?
Ask Daniel Vettori, The Geek of Tweak! According to this photo, it’s Kung Fu.
If you wanna bring down the big man, get the auld Bruce Lee skills out.
Danny V obviously has the skillz to pay the billz, and got Our Lord with some martial art madness!
So bowlers of the world, get down to your local Dojo’s and get training. It’s the only way!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Albie Morkel, australia, Church Of Sehwagology, Cricket, England, odi, South Africa, The England, Virender Sehwag, west indies
Ring a ding ding…
Albie Morkel, is a batting behemoth. He reminds me of Lance Klusener in his pomp. Bowls fast medium, and can absolutely belt the covers off the ball.
His 40 off 22 today, was the difference between the sides. South Africa cleverly waited until he got his eye in, then took the batting powerplay, and he went batshit. Admittedly he was helped by poor fielding from Australia (they are looking average in the field at the moment, dropping two catches in the first over of South Africa’s reply). This boy can really strike a ball, and the fact that he has a supervillain as a brother, probably helps. I imagine it would give you that extra confidence one requires, to beat all and sundry.
South Africa now take a 2-1 lead in the series, and it’s turning out to be a cracker.
In other news, The England arrived safely in the West Indies, after pissing off a plane load of tourists, by diverting the flight. They did hand out The England cufflinks to those that were upset by the delay, which is nice.
I’m expecting the england to draw the series. We will not be able to bowl out Grand Lord Megachief of Gold, so it’ll be another year of averaging over 100 for Shiv.
For the sehwagology members amongst us (that should be all of you, by the way, if I find out any of you are non-believers, it’lll be the Suavish Inquisition), our Lord hath spoken..
More to come shortly..
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: bryce mcgain, Insane McGain, Matthew Hayden, Sehwagology, Virender Sehwag
As I’m too busy to do owt like, I thought I’d pass these beauties on for you.. After visiting Watching You Poop, I thought I’d do a little one or two for you kids, just to let you know that Suave is always watching, even if he can’t always find the angry times.
He's got his eyes on your toilet habits!
He is all seeing!
I've got my eye on you sunshine!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Church Of Sehwagology, Cricket, india, Virender Sehwag
Spread the word Children, and you shall live forever!
To create your own posters, to spread the love, visit here..
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Church Of Sehwagology, Cricket, Hunter S Thompson, india, Virender Sehwag
Hello small children of loveliness, Suave here..
I saw something today that reminded me of our beloved leader Viru..
I have decided to post it, for your pleasure too!
This is how to live forever, fuck all that "love thy neighbour bollocks!"
This is how we need to roll! I already roll this way, which is why Suave will never die. Join us, and you too, shall be immortal!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ajantha Mendis, Andrew Flintoff, Church Of Sehwagology, Cricket, Gautam Gambhir, Kevin Pietersen, MS Dhoni, Muttiah Muralitharan, Nathan Bracken, odi, Sehwagology, Sohail Tanvir, stuart broad, Virender Sehwag, Younis Khan, Yuvraj Singh
Gautham Gambhir
Top run scorer, firenghi lookalike, allround 2008 superstar.
Virender Sehwag
Again, if you disagree, I will come down on you harder than the Spanish Inquisition!
Younis Khan
Averaged 54, with a strike rate of 94. Top batting against subcontinental superstars this year.
Kevin Pietersen
Captained The England to a magnificent series win against South Africa, whilst smashing them everywhere. Is about the only player in The England who can actually play botf formats of the game.
Yuvraj Singh
Annoying prick. Destroyer of The England. Averaged 108 against us. Useful left arm filth too.
MS Dhoni (Wk) Capt.
Winner. Of. The. World.
Andrew Flintoff
Along with Pietersen, mangled South Africa. Averaged 50 with the bat, and 21 with the ball in 2008. That is stunningly good.
Stuart Broad
Breakthrough year for Ricky Schroder, took 32 wickets at 25 and averages over 20 with the bat. A good solid no 8.
Nathan Bracken
Consistently Australia’s best ODI bowler. 31 wickets at 18. If only he didn’t look like a fucking girl.
Sohail Tanvir
Brilliant in all short forms of the game. Bowls off the wrong foot, weird windmill action, and looks like an actionman.
Ajantha Mendis
What can you say about a man who took 48 wickets at 10.16. Just freakishly good. He’ll get worked out soon, and that average will rise, but don’t expect it to rise too much. This boy has a world of talent.
12th Man
Muttiah Muralitharan
Probably the only year in the last 10 that this fella didn’t make it into my side. But if it was a spinning track, I’d go with two spinners, and he’d be second choice.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ajantha Mendis, Andrew Flintoff, Dale Steyn, Gautam Gambhir, Greame Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Lord megachief of gold, Mitchell Johnson, MS Dhoni, Ryan Sidebottom, Sehwagology, Shivnarine Chanderpaul, Splendid Mendis, Virender Sehwag
Greame Smith.
This should be obvious. Scored shitloads of runs, is the best 4th innings batsman in world cricket. If you had a run chase, you’d want this man in there.
Virender Sehwag.
Is the leader of the Church Of Sehwagology, and no more needs to be said. Any that disagree on this selection, get burned at the stake like the witches they are!
Gautham Gambhir
Averaged over 70 for the year. Was not out under 55mins once this year. Scored at a clip of at least 3 rpo in every innings.
Kevin Pietersen
This was a tough choice. It was either KP or Sachin. Sachin’s probably appeared in a billion others top test team, so I went with KP. KP averaged a couple of points higher, scored about 50 runs less, it was that close. KP gets it, for being more innovative. That switch hit, is a thing of beauty.
Shivnarine Chanderpaul
Lord Megachief of Gold averages 105 for the last two years. More difficult to get out, than bloodstains on a fresh white carpet. Is part of the holy trinity too, so you burn, if you disagree.
M S Dhoni (Wk) Captain
Dhoni, is actually the worst wicket keeper out of the top five sides. Boucher, Haddin & McCullum all had more dismissals than him. Even wanky wicky Ambrose has a higher percentage of dismissals per innings. So as a keeper, he’s a bit shite. But… The boy’s got balls of steel, can bat beautifully, and is a marvellous captain. So for that reason, he’s in.
Andrew Flintoff
He get’s the all-rounder nod, because I love him, and want his children. The 10 deliveries that scared shitless, Jacques Kallis, one of the worlds best batsman, at Edgbaston should be enough.
Dale Steyn
74 wickets at 20. Fast, accurate and strangely for a South African, humble and pleasant.
Mitchell Johnson
Is easily the best bowler in Australia, and was second highest wicket taker in world cricket this year. If he can learn to swing the ball at his pace, he will be unplayable.
Ryan Sidebottom
Easily forgotten, since his injuries, but was amazing all winter, and most of early summer. He picked up 47 wickets in 8 test matches at an average of 20.2, that my friends is quality bowling. The boy can swing it too. Let’s hope that the bad back sorts itself out, and that he’s firing for The England again soon.
Ajantha Mendis
Because he’s a freak. Because he’s Splendid Mendis, and as he’s part of the Holy Trinity of The Church Of Sehwagology, you have to have him in the side.
12th Man.
I’ve gone for Hashim Amla. So improved this year. Was a lovely batsman to watch.
So there you have it. Suave’s suavest XI. You can disagree if you like, just add your comments.
Remember though, if you do disagree, I will have to hulk smash you!
Much love.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, india, Sehwagology, Virender Sehwag
Thanks for all your kind words, you lovely little lumps of lusciousness. Suave is feeling a bit sick now, so will hopefully be back on form tomorrow. Here’s a little something to whet your appetites.
After seeing this over at cackinfo it inspired more love for the one true god!
Hit out or get out!
Filed under: Cricket, Misdirection | Tags: Cricket With Balls, Sehwagology, Virender Sehwag, Viru
