Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, England, epic fail, Fail, fail pictures, Lords, Ricky Ponting
I don’t think anything else needs to be said here, does it?
Ricky Ponting FAIL!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Ashes, Ashes 2009, australia, Brad Haddin, Ricky Ponting, Shane Watson, Stuart Clark
You tight cunts, couldn't afford a five, eh?!
So 50 days to go.
One of the young lackeys has a bright idea “hey boss, why don’t we ask someone to bake a cake to celebrate that fact”.
“Good idea junior, it’ll look great for the photo’s, get on it!”.
What you get back is a shower of shit, with someone putting an upside down 20, instead of a 50 on the top.
Fuck my old boots, did you not expect anyone to notice?! Dumb cunts.
That is all.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Symonds, australia, boxing day test, Brad Haddin, Brett Lee, Cricket, Matthew Hayden, MCG, melbourne, Michael Clarke, Mike Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Nathan Hauritz, Peter Siddle, Ricky Ponting, Simon Katich, South Africa
Strayan conquerers!
It’s official. Australia are now only average as a cricketing side.. They’ve had their pants pulled down and been spanked by an abusive father. It hurts kids, but get used to it! This is what being a The England fan is all about!
The reasons for their collapse are many. They lost two champions in McGrath & Warne, and any side would struggle after losing them. They also seem to be moving into the old The England selection mentality, by chopping and changing players in the same way Zsa Zsa Gabor changes husbands.
Here is my in-depth, hard-hitting, journalistic reasoning for the current series loss.
Hayden is old and fucking stupid, so deserves to burn in the fiery depths of hell.
Katich should probably be captain, and remember to stop chasing really wide ones.
Punter needs to concentrate on his batting, it’s the only thing the boy does well. He’s a fucking useless captain.
Hussey should be replaced by his brother, until he remembers how to score runs.
Pup Clarke to move up the order, and stick as vice captain.
Andrew Symonds is a prize cock and needs to fuck off and get fit, both physically and mentally.
Brad Haddin, one thinks, should have a long look at himself, and realise it’s not Adam Gilchrist in the reflection. Stop it you fucking cud chewing cowcock.
Brett Lee. Shoot the damn dog. Shit, shit, shit.
Mitchell Johnson is their only decent bowler at present, and needs to be left as a shock not stock bowler.
Nathan Hauritz is not good enough to trouble the North Midd 4th XI, so why he’s playing for the “Number One” side in the world, I’ll never know?!
Peter Sizzle wants to spend a season playing first class cricket for Victoria. Has real potential, but no way near enough experience..
Their is a bleak outlook for Australia for the near future. I predict a three nil drubbing at home, and am pretty confident, that they’ll win fuck all in South Africa. Not the best preperation for an ashes tour.
Check back later for my appraisal of the South Africa side, and Suave’s Suavest 2008 XI.
UPDATE!
After reading mediawatch, the daily news column of Football365.com, I found something to delight me further, even though I feel like dog turd.
Australia: Their Year In Sport
Rugby Union: Beaten in September’s Tri-Nations final.Rugby League: Beaten by New Zealand in September’s World Cup final – a shock result described as the ‘most significant upset in the history of international rugby league’.
Cricket: Beaten in India and then on home soil by South Africa – their first series defeat in Austraila for 16 years.
Olympics: Even beaten by Great Britain.
It’s gone well then!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: australia, Brett Lee, Cricket, fatheadflattrackbully, J P Duminy, Jason Krezja, Matthew Hayden, Mike Hussey, orphan eating bear like fuckhead, Peter Siddle, Ricky Ponting, South Africa, WACA
See how we slay all before us!
Have that you fuckers!!
After correctly predicting that Australia were piss-weak pansies (for those who don’t recall, it’s here.)
The Saffers proved how strong they are mentally, to defeat the Aussies, and chasing 414 in the fourth innings. This is the second highest run chase of all time. Pretty fucking good I’d say.
This brings me to Ricky Ponting. Here’s some stuff others have written about the hairy little cockstick. Jrod from the ever brilliant Cricket With Balls had this to say “Excuse me Ricky“.
Also, take a look over at Beer & Sport, where Moses is in the mood for a fight too!
What a prize cunt!
Firstly, he blamed the pitch. Boo fucking hoo, the pitch was rubbish eh.. How come them dirty saffers could take 20 wickets on it? Prick.
- Maybe it’s because between you, Probot and OrphanEatingBearLikeFuckhead, you’ve only scored 56 runs in six innings.
- Maybe it’s picking two blokes with little or no first class experience, then putting them in against the two best sides in world cricket. You’re honestly surprised that these fella’s didn’t bowl teams out?! Fuck off dicksuck.
- Maybe it’s because Brett Lee is weeping himself to sleep because his ex-wife is rooting someone with a bigger cock. (I reckon your wife is too!)
- Maybe it’s because you’re the worst captain in world cricket, and you’re finally being shown up for the half wit you really are.
All I can say is, there ain’t much love out there for you kid, so watch your back.. Know what I mean!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: australia, Brad Haddin, Brendan McCullum, Cricket, Iain O'Brien, Jamie How, Michael Clarke, New Zealand, Ricky Ponting, Test Match
Iain O’Brien in his blog yesterday said, There is a quote that goes, “you are sure of three things in life, taxes, death and runs at Adelaide.” Yet New Zealand made 203 all out, and Brendan McCullum scored 83no of those runs.
What the fuck were the rest of the team doing? This is a pitch that Michael Clarke scored a century on, without one of his higher order players scoring a century before him, which is so rare, it’s like a blue moon, and a pitch that Brad Haddin scores a century on? Rubbish, absolute shite.
I’ve read in a few pieces today, that Jamie How was unlucky, as Punter pulled off an absolute blinder to remove him, but that’s bollocks, if he middled it, it wouldn’t have been caught, know what I mean friend!
That sort of wisdom is what makes me such a cricketing superpower.
Also, Brett Lee took five wickets, and at the moment you’ve got to be absolute cocking shit for that halfwit to take ONE wicket, let alone five!
So I reckon we’ll be seeing the Kiwis back at the bottom of the original test match team league after that shocker.
We now have the exciting prospect of a proper bit of competition, with South Africa due to play the first test against Australia on the 17th December. Now that will be a test…
In summary, Australia look ordinary, New Zealand look shit.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: australia, epic fail, Fail, fail pictures, failboat, FailCricket, india, Insane McGain, Piyush Chawla, Ricky Ponting
Merde
Here’s auld Fubsy not picking the wrong ‘un, and being done through the gate. Oops.
Maybe he’s still affected by what Insane McGain said to him just recently..
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Symonds, australia, Brad Haddin, Brett Lee, Cricket, Daren Powell, Darren Sammy, Denesh Ramdin, Devon Smith, Dwayne Bravo, Fidel Edwards, Jerome Taylor, Lord megachief of gold, Michael Clarke, Mike Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Phil Jacques, Ramnaresh Sarwan, Ricky Ponting, Runako Morton, Shivnarine Chanderpaul, Simon Katich, Stuart Clark, Stuart McGill, west indies, Xavier Marshall
Indepth Player analysis.
Australia
Phil Jacques. OMG he;s like so shit in the field and like had to hide from some other blokes shit long hops all match, and thing.
Simon Katich. he looks like a crab and things, and he got hurt and stuff.
Ricky Ponting. LOL, where’s that hair from, looks like he picked it up off the road and stuff. ROFL
Michael Clarke. He’s so fit and that.
Mike Hussey. God all I did was sleep when i saw this old bloke. He’s like so boring and that. Fuckoff grand dad
Andrew Symonds. He looks like predator LMAO. He’s scary like a bear
Brad Haddin. ROFL, looks a bit like some ovvver bloke that used to bend down and things.
Brett Lee. Gay, wants to design pants for teenage boys, ROFL. Call the coPS
Mitchell Johnson. big teeth xxxLMAOxxx Shit.
Stuart Clark. BORIng. Sent ME TO sleep and shit, and all that other stuff
West Indies
Xavier Marshall. OMG looks nice, and fly. Shoots to soon.
Devon Smith. UGLY! Fuckoff uglyboy.
Ramnaresh Sarwan. He’s like cute and thing, gets a bit crazy but goes all the way LOL xxx.x.xx
Runako Morton. You gonna get raped. OMG HE@S SHITa and scary N that,
Shivnarine “Lord Megachief Of Gold” Chanderpaul. he looks like that strayan bloke, but is millions better and things
Dwayne Bravo. all blinged up and no place to go, ROFL.
Denesh Ramdin. Cute, Shit, but Cute.
Darren Sammy. OMG he could be good, but isn’t really and stuff
Jerome Taylor. Good, bad and ugly LMAOxxx ROFL<
Daren Powell. Shit
Fidel Edwards. You never guess WHAT, he’s like really quick and stuff, but he misses too much LOL
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Bangalore Royal Challengers, Chennai Super Kings, Cricket, Dimitri Mascerhanas, Ian Bell, ian chappell, IPL, match fixing, Matthew Hayden, Michael Vaughan, Peter Moores, Ricky Ponting
Matthew Hayden: Great flat-footed grizzly bear. As Charlie Brooker once said Spirituality’ is what cretins have in place of imagination
. That sums the oaf up perfectly.
Peter Moores: Stop fucking smiling you buck toothed twat. Glass half full bollocks, you win this series, then smile. Until then I want a miserable bastard, who looks like he’s going to set fire to the next batsman not to score a ton, or bowler to take a five fer.
Match Fixing: THere’s no way on earth that Chennai Pikey Fags should have lost yesterday. Some fucker’s fixed that.
Michael Vaughan: Smug twat. I could understand being so smug if your average was near the fatheadflattrackbully’s. BUT IT’S NOT!! YOU AVERAGE 42.96! Fucking hell man, and it drops since you’ve been skipper.
Ian Bell. You’re ginger, now fucking live with it. No-one believes that you’re strawberry blond, you Miserable molecule of mildew
Ian Chappell: What a boring rent-a-quote prick.
Ricky Ponting: The real reason you didn’t wear your baggy greens in the tour match, was because you were paid more for not wearing it. SToP fucking lying.
Dimitri Mascheranas: Oh you honourable c*nt. You’ll stay with your contracted county, where you’re the CLUB CAPTAIN, by the way. Instead of sitting in a dug out in India. Oh god bless you, dear child! You shit house fuckwit.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, Cricket With Balls, Daniel Vettori, England, Grant Elliot, Jacob Oram, james anderson, Jeetan Patel, Kevin Pietersen, Kyle Mills, Mark Gillespie, Michael Clarke, Mike Hussey, New Zealand, paul collingwood, Ricky Ponting, Shane Bond, stuart broad, Tim Southee
Oh dear! At the risk of getting some serious abuse in five days time, The England will win this test match, and the series.
New Zealand have lost their two best bowlers from this series, in Jacob Oram and Kyle Mills.
They’ve replaced them with Grant Elliot a dirty saffer, all-rounder. His first class form looks OK, with an average of 28 with the bat, and 34 with the ball. I don’t think he’s going to trouble The England too much, but I’ve never seen the man play.
Mills is replaced by young buck Tim Southee, for a proper piece of journalism about this fella pop over to Cricket With Balls. When I say proper journalism, I mean Ice cream of consciousness blogging. But what blogging!!
He looks as though he could be someone to look out for, after being voted player of the tournament at the recent u19 world cup, but he’s no Shane Bond.
Jeetan Patel comes in for Angry Man Gillespie, which should bog The England’s middle order down no end. We really need to start scoring at a better rate against him and Vettori. It’s said that The England struggle playing spin, but the county championship is full of left arm orthodox and off spinners. It’s a matter of rotating the strike. If you watch Clarke, Hussey and Ponting playing spin, they take lots of singles, and then smash the bad balls.
As for The England, it looks as though the team will remain unchanged, although their are small doubts about Collingwood and Anderson. Andersons ankle knack is still a bit sore, but he should be fit. Collingwood has bruised his calf muscle, but again, he should be fit to play.
Players to watch..
The England
Kevin Pietersen. KP since being married has turned into a full blown The Englishman, which means he has no luck, gets out in the 20′s and 30′s a lot, and never goes on to score big. He’s going to pummel an attack soon, and this attack really should be it.
Stuart Broad. Young stud had a great 2nd innings in Wellington, showing proper aggressive fast bowling. This is going to be a very different surface, but if you want to be one of the best bowlers in world cricket, you need to learn to take wickets on all kinds of pitches.
Kiwi Land
Tim Southee. He’s got a chance to get himself on to the team bus to The England, if he performs in this test. If he gets smashed, it could see him quickly back to first class cricket with no more cricket for a few months. We’re going to see the character of this young buck on show tonight.
Daniel Vettori. If it’s as slow as it was in Hamilton, Vettori’s going to be a proper handful. His batting has been superb recently, but his bowling figures are a fair bit below fellow left arm orthodox spinner Monty Panesar so far.
My prediction is for The England to win this test comfortably.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andrew Symonds, australia, CB Series, Cricker, Harbajhan Singh, india, Matthew Hayden, praveen kumar, Ricky Ponting, Sachin tendulkar
The final CB Series thundered to a climax this week. I say “thundered”, I mean “trundled”. And I say “climax”, but I mean “sorry conclusion”.
India have won the second final, after another classy knock from Sachin pushed the game just beyond ‘Straya’s reach!
Gilchrist retired with a splutter, scoring just the 2.
Hogg retired even more meekly, by being dropped. Fat tongued twat
HairWeave Ponting, will just be glad to see the back of the Indians, after enduring a terrible summer against them.
Praveen Kumar had another good game today, taking 4-46 .
Andrew Symonds, who is a bell end of considerable magnitude, decided to get fruity with a spectator. Unfortunately, he didn’t fuck himself up, a la Terry Alderman, who dislocated a shoulder taking down a streaker.
He also fell to his best mate Bhaji for the second game in a row. In one Harbajhan over, he removed both Hayden(run-out) and Symonds (LBW).
Hayden, what can I say about this man, that I haven’t said before? After the debacle of offering to fight a 19yr old praying mantis, he has shown himself to be a poltroon (my new favourite word) and a great big swaggering chump!
Is it any wonder, that CA administracrats want to get rid of the tri-series ODI’s. They’ve lost the last two, after winning all the warm up games comfortably.
Let’s raise a glass, and sing CHAK DE INDIA!
