Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, 20/20 cup, 20/20 World cup 2009, Alastair Cook, England, Essex, Essex CCC, Essex Eagles, IPL, IPL Champions League, Kent, Kent Spitfires, The England
Cooky smashing a six, yes A SIX, on his way to 77 from 55.
What the fuck is going on here?!
Alastair Cook took his recent smackdown show to Kent again. Last week he scored 80 from 56 balls against the spitfires, this week 77 off 55. So far in the 20/20 cup he’s scored 197 runs at an average of 49.25 and a strike rate of 139. Wow. Thems good figures eh…
I like this a lot. I always want to see an Essex boy do well, but he’s consistently annoyed the shit out of me, by being the most tedious fucktard the world has ever seen.
He rarely hits the ball in the air, scores his runs in test cricket at a snails pace, and is generally a grinder.
I think a season playing List A cricket, and 20/20 will improve the boy no end. He’s made it clear that he wants to be considered for The England in all types of cricket, which is an admirable statement, and one that he appears to be backing up.
I’m looking forward to the day, that I look at a The England pyjamas match, and don’t want to cut my face in to slithers because eyeliner is opening the batting. Let’s hope it’s not too far round the corner.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20/20, Alastair Cook, Ashes, australia, Brett Lee, Essex, Jason Gillespie, jimmy anderson, Kent, Michael Kasprowicz, Naked, Shaun Tait, stuart broad, Stuart MacGill, The England
Opening day of the 20/20 championship, and The Essex were down at Canterbury to face the lowly Kent.
Alastair Cook opens the innings.
Then it all gets weird.
He scored lots, and quickly. What the fuck is going on? I fear the end is nigh children. Bunker up, and await the Apocalypse.
80 from 56 balls. QUE?!
Strangely enough, I know he can do that more regularly. I watched him smash a double century at a run a ball, against Australia (Lee, Gillespie, Tait, MacGill, Kasprowicz) in 2005.
Why does he not do it more? Because he’s an eyeliner wearing little shitbag.. I’m hoping this is changing, and his bollocks have actually dropped.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, Essex, Essex CCC, Friends Provident Trophy, One day
Quick post, too busy, brain is mush.
Just wanted to say, YOU’SE ALL SHITE!!!
Up the mighty The Essex!
Hard hitting journalism strikes again.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: 20-20, 20/20, Cricket, England, Essex, Essex CCC, FP Trophy, Graham Napier, Len The Yorkshire Kitman, Northants, South Africa, The England
I’m still job hunting. Although technically I haven’t done any for a week now.
I was in Germany last week, living the rock and roll lifestyle. Sharing Jack Daniels from a bottle with Jim James, the lead singer of the finest live band in the world (My Morning Jacket), explaining the similarities and differences of baseball and cricket to the ryhthm section, Patrick and Two Tone Tommy.
When it was all over, I was happy to be going home. Three days of travelling, drinking, and rocking had taken its toll, and Suave wanted to be at home with The Gris.
A little update on the Cricket now…
Super Smasher
Graham Napier is my new hero. Not only did he smash the highest score in 20/20 cricket in The England against Sussex two weeks ago, his batting since then has been full blooded to say the least. He smashed Yorkshire around like the little boys they are, to reach the FP trophy final at Lords, and then chose to inflict pain on Northants last night too. Not only that, but as an all-rounder he then took 4-10 in four overs to really butt-fuck the saffers. Essex have now made it to the finals day in 20/20 at The Rose Bowl too. Top work young fella my lads
If this lad isn’t picked in the squad for the Stanford Millionaires game, something is seriously wrong.
Yorkshire might be out of the 20/20 competition too, after forgetting to register an Academy player, who has a Pakistani passport. He did captain The England under 15′s whilst holiding a Pakistani passport, so it seems strange that the ECB will punish Yorkshire for playing him, while he captained The England whilst a Pakistani Citizen?!
Bad week all-round for the Tykes, and my sympathies go out to Len, my favourite Yorkshire man.
Check back tomorrow for a full preview of The England vs The Saffers test series. Real hard-hitting journalism, or as I like to say. Shit. but it’ll be funny shit, about what I’d like every The England/Saffer player to do for me, if they had to spend eternity by my side.
Until then, as Len would say. Si’thee later.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, Essex, FP Trophy, Kolpakshire, Leicestershire, Ravi Bopara
Ravi Bopara went batshit yesterday, scoring 201no off 138 balls, to smash Kolpakshire out of the FP One Day Trophy.
He’s a super magic man. Though he’s bound by shamen law, what goes on tour stays on tour!
What a lad! He took 85 balls to reach 100, then 52 to reach 200.. His last fifty came of 16 deliveries! Biff, Bash, Wallop!
That boy’s good! Good and tewwible!
To top it off, he took 2-34, all in front of Geoff Miller, the head selector fella.
Ravi is averaging 91 in one day cricket this year. He’s hit 455 in seven innings. Not bad, I says!
He’s also averaging 55 in first class cricket too. Let’s hope he can convert the huge talent on to the international scene.
Ravi is my hero today.
That is all.
Oh, and Bon Iver too. Any music fans out there should check them out. I watched him in a church last night, and he was fucking magic, I tells ya!
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: county cricket, Cricket, England, Essex, Essex CCC, IPL, New Zealand, Ravi Bopara, Ryan Ten Doeschate, The England
Ravi Bopara, Essex all-rounder.
THis boy is the shizzle this season, he’s scored 341 runs in three County Championship innings and also tops his team’s bowling averages.
Him and my man, Ten Doeschate (took a 6-fer against the kiwi’s) are both looking superb down at the county ground.
Ravi has admitted that he turned down a six figure sum from the IPL, to concentrate on getting back into THE ENgland setup.
That is good.
That is nice.
Ravi is my friend again.
Ravi had this to say..
“If I do this, and with the current talk of new competitions and one-off matches to sit alongside the IPL, then I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities to enjoy the financial benefits in years to come,”
23 years old, and the little fella’s got a wise head on his shoulders!
This makes me happy. More updates, when the fugue of four days drinking lifts from my sorry head.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: county cricket, Cricket, David Masters, Essex, Essex CCC, Mark Pettini, Ryan Ten Doeschate
After predicting a good season for Ryan Ten Doeschate here.., I’m glad that he has started brightly.
Against Cambridge UCCE, he scored 146 off 147 balls, which is nice.
Skipper Mark Pettini must have read what I had to say also, as he scored 153 off 206 balls. Nice start, young fellow my lads.
Slightly worrying that an Essex XI couldn’t bowl out a team of students. How on earth can you not bowl them out. Leave a joint and a kebab on a length and most students would be running down the track.
Ryan did take one wicket though, so that’s good. David Masters who’s just joined from Leics. also took a wicket, and went for next to no runs. Every one else needs to buck their ideas up, or Evil Not Suave In The Slightest, is going to visit, and smash em up, real good.
Filed under: Cricket, fantasy cricket | Tags: Adil Rashid, county cricket, Cricket, Cricket With Balls, Dirk Nannes, durham, England, Essex, fantasy cricket, Ian Bell, James Foster, James Harris, Jason Gallian, King Cricket, Mark Ramprakash, Michael Di Venuto, Mushtaq Ahmed, Ryan Ten Doeschate, Saqlain Mushtaq, Simon Jones, Surrey, third umpire, warwickshire, Will Jefferson, worcestershire, yorkshire
Suave’s Republique has a side in place for this years fantasy cricket..
I’ve also signed up to Third Umpire’s Superleague. Third Umpire is another The English blog, which is written by nice chaps, not like the sweary fucker who writes this old pony..
My team and the reasons behind the selection, should you care, is as follows.
Michael Di Venuto. Scored a gazillion runs last year, just as most Aussies seem to in county cricket
Will Jefferson. Cos he’s a freak, and he used to play for Essex. King Cricket also loves him a lot.
Mark Ramprakash. Scored over 2000 runs in two seasons, and was my best performer by miles.
Ian Bell. If he continues in the form he showed last summer, should score eleventythousand runs this year.
Jason Gallian. He plays for Essex now, and averages about 40, which is OK. He was cheap too.
Adil Rashid. It was a tough choice between the young buck and Ryan Ten Doeschate, but I ended up picking Rashid. He’s had a great winter touring with the hedgehogs, and should get better as he gets fitter. Also, I was looking a little heavy on the Essex side, and we’re going to be shit this year.
James Foster. Plays for Essex, averages over 40, good hands. Scored his first double century last year.
Saqlain Mushtaq. You’ll notice that there’s a lot of spinners in my side, that’s cos they always take the most wickets in county cricket. Saqlain should do well at the Oval.
Dirk Nannes. I’ve picked him on the back of the man love shown by Jrod @ Cricket With Balls.
If he can carry on the form shown for Victoria, during the winter, he’ll rip county sides apart.
Mushtaq Ahmed. Took 90 wickets last year. Might take a few less this season, but still far and away the best spinner in county cricket
James Harris. Young (17) Glamorgan quick, bats quite well too. took 33 wickets at 24 in his first season, with best match figures of 12/118, highest score of 87no.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Andre Nel, Bas Vegas, Cricket, Essex, Essex CCC
Andre Nel is to return to county cricket with Essex, for the third season in a row.
This my friends is very good news for The Eagles. Our bowling line up is shit. And he is only here for the beginning of the season, whilst Danish Kaneria is away.
It puzzles me why he’d want to go to Essex though, maybe it’s the, bright lights of Bas Vegas.
The delights of Old Leigh, and The Crooked Billet for cockles and a pint, on a summers eve.
Maybe he likes bowling on the flattest deck in the division.
Maybe he’s running away from the incestuous thoughts about his sister.
Maybe he really likes Chelmsford/
No, sorry, no-one really likes Chelmsford. That’s like really liking watching paint dry.
Whatever the reason is, I’m happy that he’s signed. Here’s to you Mr Angry
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Chris Jordan, Cricket, Essex, Jason Gallian, Mark Butcher, Mark Pettini, Mark Ramprakash, Ryan Ten Doeschate, Surrey
As a Basildon boy, my no1 county, is and always will be The Mighty Essex (not really been that mighty of late). As a Londoner now, I get to watch more of Surrey. So I’ve decided to do a little preview of the two sides that I’ll be following.
ESSEX (2007 – County Championship: 4th, Division Two; Pro 40: 9th, Division One, relegated; FP Trophy: Semi-finalists; Twenty20: Group losers)
Captain: Mark Pettini
Coach: Paul Grayson
Overseas players: Danish Kaneria (Pakistan)
Ins: C Wright, D Masters (Leicestershire), J Gallian (Nottinghamshire), T Westley
Outs: D Thomas, R Irani, A McGarry, A Bichel
One to watch: Ryan Ten Doeschate.
Averaging over 50 in first class cricket, this season really could be the one to push the dutchman (by Dutch, I mean Evil Saffer) into the upper echelons of county cricket. Likes to hit the ball, and when he does, he hits big! He’s also a handy bowler, although he only averages 40 in FC with the ball, in one day cricket he excels, with an average of under 20.
Tip.
Don’t eat yellow snow.
Seriously though, I wouldn’t expect to see much silverware in the Essex Trophy cabinet at the end of the season. Mark Pettini, since taking over the captaincy has turned into the worst batsman in the team (maybe marginally better than Kaneria), and could really do with finding some form, sharpish. Kaneria as ever, will twirl away taking wickets for fun, whilst being supported by nobody, on a flat deck in Chelmsford (Please groundsman, give it a bit of juice this year!). It’s a shocker of a team this year to be honest, the batting line up has been given a bit of a boost with Jason Gallian who averages nearly 40, but it’s likely that we won’t be seeing young master Cook down at the county ground this season.
If Ravi avoids being picked by The England, then he will hopefully continue in the fine form that saw him average over 60 in the championship last year.
SURREY (2007 – County Championship: 4th, Division One; Pro 40: 4th, Division Two; FP Trophy: 5th, South Conference; Twenty20: Group losers)
Captain: Mark Butcher
Coach: Alan Butcher
Overseas players: Matt Nicholson (Australia)
Ins: U Afzaal (Northamptonshire), P Collins, S Meaker, S Mushtaq (Sussex), Murtaza Hussain (Worcestershire)
Outs: M Akram, R Clarke (Derbyshire), N Doshi (Derbyshire), R Hamilton-Brown (Sussex), A Mahmood (Kent), I Salisbury (Warwickshire)
One to watch: Chris Jordan.
An excellent start to his Surrey career last year, with 20 wickets in five matches, which for an 18 year old young buck, is pretty bloody good.
If he kicks on this season, there’ll be some dog-fight, to see who can secure his international services. He’s a Barbadian by birth, but holds a British passport, and it’ll be interesting to see where he goes.
Tip:
A proper suit should fit the shoulders snugly, be tapered in at the waist, and make you look smarter than you are, and must always be accompanied by quality shoes.
Surrey should be much more settled this season. The batting line up has been bolstered with the acquisition of Afzaal. Tanya Aldred @ Cricinfo had this to say about Afzaals fielding “His talents don’t extend to the field where he most resembles a bear at an aerobics class”. Nice description. They’ll be looking to Ramps to perform his heroics of the last two seasons, and bat like the county behemoth we all know and love. Chris Jordan should add some spice to undercooked bowling unit.
I would expect Surrey to be challenging for the title, with Sussex and Lancashire, although the pitch rarely does anyone a favour.
