Suave is a bum at present, and is thoroughly bored of it, frankly.
I have to take a sabbatical for two reasons.
One, I’m going to Germany for three days of rock and roll debauchery, and two, because I need to get a job ASAP.
In the mean time, I bid you farewell, and promise to be back soon, and plenty fucking angry.
TTFN,
Suave
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Executioner of truth, paul collingwood, The Broken Family Band
I love The Broken Family Band. They rock, and for you Mr Collingwood, chief executioner of Suave’s Republican Army, I give you this.
We still love you, you ginger ninja.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, King Cricket, sportsfreak, Tipping, tipping competition
As joint runner up in the short form tipping comp at SportsFreak, alongside King Cricket, I have to share my picks with the rest of the group. As ever, I’m the last one to do it, as I require deadlines to get me into action.
Here are my tips
1. ODI at Portishead Park: Winner
I’m going leftfield here. No Result, due to rain.
2. Portishead Park: Highest run-scorer
No-one, as there will not be a match.
3. PP: Most wickets
No-one here either.
4. ODI at Fosters Oval: Winner
The England. Because NZ are shit.
5. FO: Highest run-scorer
Ravi Bopara. Well the boy’s got to start scoring at some point!
6. FO: Most wickets
Ryan Sidebottom. The oval is notoriously flat, so only the best bowlers will get any wickets at all.
7. ODI at Lords (no funny titles appropriate there): Winner
The England.
8. Lords: Highest run-scorer
Ian Bell.
9. Lords: Most wickets
jimmy Anderson. I reckon it might swing, and if he gets the slope in his favour, he may cause havoc
10. Shortest innings in terms of balls faced excluding not out batsmen.
Tim Ambrose. He’s shit, he’s a wanky wicky, and one of them there foreign fellas.
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Cricket, Edgbaston, England, Fodderstompf, HULK SMASH, Ian Botham, Ian Smith, ICC, John Lydon, MCC, Nasser Hussain, New Zealand, Nigel Long, odi, pickle brained fucknut, PiL, RAGE, Riot, Rise, Stupid Fucking Umpires, The England
What a fucking farce that was yesterday. 43 overs played and no result.
Why?
Because Law 43 wasn’t applied. Nigel Long (third umpire) spoke to Nasser Hussain before the game about switch hitting, and confused the poor sky team, by mentioning Law 43. (Teh MCC laws only go up to 42) Law 43 is the first one they teach you at “Look at me I’m not good enough to the play the game, so I’ll stop you enjoying it, you better looking, richer, more talented fuckers” school (Umpire school), it is an unwritten rule, that says the power freaks in stupid hats, should use common sense.
Why the fuck did they not do that, when the “playing conditions” stipulated that you can only reduce the lunchtime break to a minimum of 30mins. WANK OFF YOU SHITTING COCKFUCKS. Fuck me, they’d only been on the field for an hour and a half. Why did they not use common sense? Ten minute turnaround, and that game was over.
It’s not often I agree with Ian “i’m a pickle brained fucknut” Botham or Ian “fuck me he’s got fat since 04″ Smith, but they were right yesterday. The fans sat there all-day in the rain, and they called the game off with one over to go. NZ needed seven to win. That would have been a magic finish, to a really good game of cricket. The players wanted to finish, the crowd wanted it finished, but the administracats want to ruin the game for everyone else.
If I’d have been in the crowd at Edgbaston yesterday, I would have had to start HULK SMASHING THINGS. I wasn’t, I was looking after The Gris, whilst the missus went for a pedicure.
Honestly, if that had have happened in India, there would’ve been a riot!
Now if we can get rid of Beefy, and let him drink himself into oblivion (whilst still keeping up the sterling charity work! Good on you for that Beefy), I’d be a happy man.
I’ve forgotten how to write, it seems, and this is just a vitriolic rant (this one’s for you Ceci!). So I’ll stop now.
One last thing.
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
I could be wrong
I could be right
I could be wrong
I could be right
UPDATE
See this in less sweary, posher format at Holding Willey!
I do, honest.
Too much time spent job hunting, in this period of financial instability (industry, not me), has rendered my brain a useless mush.
I’m having to re-learn lots of technical things, I’d forgotten, which are sorely lacking at present, so I haven’t been able to concentrate on Teh Cricket.
I miss it, but will be back and firing soon, hopefully.
Until then Comrades, VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE!
Filed under: Cricket, LOLCricket | Tags: Cricket, LOLCricket, Ryan Sidebottom
Filed under: Cricket, LOLCricket, Picture-Metaphor | Tags: Clive Lloyd, Cricket With Balls, King Cricket, Miriam, Picture-Metaphor, quiz, Six Word Reviews, Supercat
After Mims stormed the competition, to guess the correct answer of Basil D’Oliveira from the weekly quiz of wonderment..
Here is her picture-metaphor, with a wink to King Cricket for the inspiration
Well done Mims, you’re a star.
Filed under: Cricket, quiz | Tags: Cricket, Cricket With Balls, giles clarke, india, Miriam, Pakistan
I’m tied up today, but I will endeavour to create Mims’ prize for tomorrow, I promise!
Two things to add today.
Giles Clarke is gonna get Suave Smashed. Stephen Brenkley from The Independent is too much of a light weight to do the job properly. When you grow up on the mean streets of Basildon, fighting becomes an important skill!
Pakistan = Rubbish. They were beaten like an abused housewife by India yesterday, which is funny as hell, especially after Geoff Lawson wanted them to inflict serious pain upon them!
Hello one and all,
It’s time for the weekly quiz of wonderment, so here goes!
Remember, you get a big shiny picture of pure delight as a prize, see here for previous winners!
Suave South African, now shakes uncontrollably!
It’s a tough one, so get your thinking caps on..
Filed under: Cricket | Tags: Aaron Redmond, Alastair Cook, Andrew Strauss, Brendan McCullum, Cricket, Daniel Flynn, Daniel Vettori, England, Ian Bell, Ian O'Brien, Jacob Oram, james anderson, James Marshall, Jamie How, Kevin Pietersen, Kyle Mills, Michael Vaughan, Monty Panesar, New Zealand, paul collingwood, Ross Taylor, Ryan Sidebottom, Six Word Reviews, stuart broad, The England, Tim Ambrose
Being a dictator of your own republic, I get to make the rulez.
Six word reviews, for everyone that played more than two tests in the series. I can’t be bothered with all these shit heads that played one test.
The England
Alastair Cook: Stupid eyeliner wearing dickhead, fucking rubbish.
Andrew Strauss: Wants to play NZ every week!
Michael Vaughan: Looks great at getting himself out
Kevin Pietersen: Scratches around until last game again!
Ian bell: fucking ginger twat. Suave HULK SMASH!
Paul Collingwood: Time to be put to pasture?
Tim Ambrose: good with gloves, rubbish with bat
Stuart Broad: Too many pies, bats lovely though..
Ryan Sidebottom: Not great, but averaged 20. Bizarre.
Jimmy Anderson: Good, shit, good. Superb in Nottingham
Monty Panesar: One-spell series, superb oop north.
The Old Zealand
Aaron Redmond: Dear lord, this lad is SHIT!
Jamie How: Solid, dependable, not really that good.
Brendan McCullum: Not three, too mental for that.
Ross Taylor: Looks a lovely player. CALM DOWN!
Daniel Flynn: not bad, suspect to short ball.
Jacob Oram: Miserly with ball, 231 runs, somehow
Daniel Vettori: smacked around as skipper, bowled alright
Kyle Mills: good no 8 batsman, bowling rubbish.
Ian O’Brien: Scares small children, he’s that ugly.
Chris Martin: Bowled cack, Batting is really cack
James Marshall: Shitter than his brother. Super shit?
